Daredevil’s Run

The pain under her ribs twisted sharply. What, he’s not even going to say hello? He can’t even face me? What the hell is that?

“As you can see,” she went on, with an arm sweep that took in all the activity around them, “we’re in the process of packing for your trip.” She glanced at Cory and dryly added, “Most of our clients don’t get to see this part. Guess Matt’s having some trouble remembering he’s the customer on this run.”

Cory gave her a smile and one of his piercing looks but didn’t comment.

As the three of them began walking toward the open warehouse, Sam moved closer to Alex’s side. “I know it’s not easy,” she said in a low voice, and with a Southern accent that was unmistakable but not strong enough to be annoying. “Believe me, you’re talkin’ to one who’s been there.” She paused, then took off her sunglasses and gave Alex her eyes-unexpectedly dark, and even more unexpectedly, filled with compassion. “Pearse tells me it’s been about five years since you two saw each other. That’s about what it was for us, too-maybe not quite as long, but close. It was hard. And trust me on this, too. Him bein’ in a wheelchair’s got nothin’ to do with it.”

Since she couldn’t think of a thing to say to that, Alex replied with a short huff of breath-what Matt would have called a snort. She saw Sam and Cory trade smiles and long looks before Sam once again tucked hers behind her aviator shades.

He could at least have come over to say hello to me. He started this. He’s the one that wanted this craziness. I’ll be damned if I’m going to him.

She set her lips-Matt would have said stubbornly-as she separated herself from her clients and veered toward the office’s back entrance. “Since you’re here, you might want to watch the guys pack up the gear. It’s kind of interesting to see what goes into a run. The big scary-looking guy with the beard is one of your guides. He can explain everything, answer any questions. I’m going to…uh, I’ve got some things…some paperwork to take care of, so if you’ll-”

“One of our guides?” Cory had paused with one hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Matt tells me we’re required to have two for this run. May I ask-who’s the other one?”

Alex flashed him a desperately brilliant smile. “Looks like that would be me.” Before he could respond, she brushed past Eve, who was leaning against the wall near the office door, pushed it open and escaped into the air- conditioned office.

Since what she wanted at that moment more than anything was to be left alone, she wasn’t thrilled when Eve followed her in.

“So, they made it.” Alex didn’t comment, so Eve went on. “He looks pretty good-considering.”

“Yeah,” Alex said, studiously avoiding looking at her, instead picking up a handful of mail and giving it her focused attention. She glanced up briefly to add, “Why don’t you go say hello? You knew him, right?”

“Sure.” Eve gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I will.”

But she stayed there, fidgeting, getting on Alex’s already frayed nerves. Being in no mood to deal with one of Eve’s sulks, Alex smacked the stack of envelopes down on her desktop. “What, Eve?”

“Jeez, don’t get mad.”

“I’m not-”

“I just don’t see why you have to be the one to go on the run. Okay? There’s only three of them, it’s not like Tahoe can’t deal with it.”

“Yeah, well…I’m going. Okay?” Alex paused, took a breath and made an effort to soften her tone when she saw Eve’s lips compress in that hurt way she had. Was that what they called passive-aggressive? “Look. They’re my responsibility, and I’m not handing them off to someone else. You can handle things around here while I’m gone, right?”

“Yeah.” Eve exhaled grudgingly. “Sure.” Still she made no move to go.

“It’s three days, Eve. Then he’s gone.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Hell, yeah.”

Eve lifted one shoulder and turned to go.

Alex did a double take. “Wait. What would make you think-Wait, dammit. Eve-”

The door closed quietly. Alex clamped a hand to the top of her head, then closed her eyes and swore.

What the hell are you doing, Alex, hiding in here? Making such a big deal about this? Get out there and face the man, you know you have to sooner or later. Did your mama raise you to be a coward?

She made a growling sound and strode with grim determination to the door. Her heart was pounding and her hands were cold as she pasted her smile back on her face and opened the door.

But the blue SUV and its passengers had already gone.

Matt paced the open space in his brother’s motel room, as someone wheelchair-bound paces, rocking forward and back, angled first this way, then that way. Going nowhere, while his mind raced in circles.

Shouldn’t have gone over to the yard, man. You don’t have the right…and anyway, what were you thinking? Maybe she’d fall on her knees and beg you to come back? Yeah…right-after the way you brushed her off? When snowball fights break out in hell.

So you went over there. Then you don’t even go and say hello to her? What’s that say? That you care too damn much, or you’re a gutless coward. A wuss, as my kids would say. Either way, you’re screwed.

Either way, it hadn’t been his finest hour.

And instead of having gotten it out of the way, he still had it to look forward to-his first face-to-face with Alex since that day at the rehab hospital. Awful day. He closed his eyes, pressed his fist against the pain in his chest and whooshed out air, but the memories came anyway.

Alex fidgeting, arms folded across her waist, looking anywhere but at him…looking like she’d rather be anywhere but there, with him.

“They tell me I’m going to be ready to leave here in a couple weeks.”

She nods, says, “Good. That’s good. I’m glad.”

“I’m getting a place…” He waits, she nods. “Physical therapy…you know. I guess that goes on for a while yet. So…I guess I’m gonna need to be close to this place for now.”

She nods again. He sees her swallow. His chest is full of knots, and his mind is screaming, What the hell’s wrong with you, Alex? This is me-Matt. Don’t stand there like you’re a million miles away-say something, dammit!

Then she does, and it’s, “Okay, so I guess that’s what’s best, then. I understand. That’s cool.” She sounds like a stranger.

And he wants to yell at her, No, it’s not cool. It sucks. It’s my body that’s all busted up-inside I’m the same guy. The one who runs the big rapids with you, makes you laugh. The one who loves you… makes love to you. My God, Alex, can’t you see that?

He knows it’s not true, even while he thinks it. He’ll never be the same man he was. And he can see she knows it, too.

Smart woman, Alex.

Hey-I made it easy for her, that’s all. Clean break-that’s always best. Right?

A knock at the door kept the rest of it at bay, for now. He knew from long experience the memories would be back. The memories from before…and after. He had a feeling they always would.

It was the during memories, the ones of the accident, he didn’t have.

Sam came from the bathroom, having changed her khaki T-shirt and cargo pants for walking shorts and a sleeveless top that left a lot of smooth golden skin showing. Matt saw his brother give her an appreciative look as he went to open the door, and couldn’t help feeling a sharp stab of envy. Woulda been nice, he thought.

Then the room was filling up with people and noise, and he put all thoughts and feelings aside for the moment. Put on his happy face. Or, if not happy, at least cool.

Alex came in first, naturally. Then Booker T and Linda, then a tall, good-looking blond girl Matt didn’t know. Last came Tahoe, the Class V guide, which pretty much filled up the room. There was a lot of noise and friendly handshaking, since mostly everybody had met everybody else that afternoon at the yard. Matt hung back out of the way through most of it, rocking forward to extend a hand as he was introduced to Cheryl, the blonde, who turned out to be the guide assigned to food duty for their trip.