Daredevil’s Run

She joined him, only a little out of breath, with her long dark braid over one shoulder and wisps of damp curls sticking to her flushed face. Her skin was all warm colors…autumn colors: golden tan, cinnamon brown and the deep blush pink of old roses.

And it hit him then, with the sharp sense of loss he’d thought he was long past: he was never going to make love with her in that secluded spot among the boulders again. Never go there, with her or anyone else, or even see it…ever again. He’d have to be able to walk to do that.

“Okay, the chopper’s on its way.” Alex tipped her head toward Tahoe, who was leaning back against the side of the boat with his injured arm cradled across his waist, and lowered her voice. “How’s he doing?”

“Hangin’in,” Tahoe replied, without opening his eyes.

“Hey, Alex.” Matt felt restless, antsy all of a sudden. He nodded toward his chair. “Think you can help me with that?”

She looked startled, opened her mouth, then closed it again and shrugged. “Sure.” Carefully not looking at him. “What do I do? Just…You want it-”

“Just lift it out of the boat. Unfold it. Set it down as close to the boat as you can.”

His insides cringed, and if he’d been able, he’d have done what his body’s defense system yearned to do-get the hell away. But he’d learned a long time ago he couldn’t run away from what was. It is what it is, Alex.

He clamped his teeth together and focused on what had to be done.

Alex picked up the chair and lifted it out of the boat. It was surprisingly light. She unfolded and placed it carefully on the hard-packed decomposed granite, mentally steeling herself for whatever came next.

It is what it is, Alex. He’s obviously okay with this, why can’t you be?

Because it hurts, dammit.

And if you let him see how much it hurts, you’ll never forgive yourself.

“Okay,” she said, straightening up and planting her hands on her hips, all business now. As if this were any other client. As if.

Looking at him was like looking straight into the sun. She wanted to close her eyes. Look away. “What now?”

He smiled at her, crookedly, as if he knew. “Just steady it. And stand by in case I need you.”

Oh God, please don’t make me watch this.

But she did watch. Watched him push his body up with the sheer strength of his arms and shoulders until he was sitting on the tube. Watched him swivel and reach for the chair, brace and maneuver himself into it. And somehow, it wasn’t awful at all. It was…amazing.

She’d expected to feel pity. Instead, she felt awe. She’d expected-no, feared-she’d feel revulsion, but instead she felt stirrings deep inside…an awakening of emotions she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in a very long time.

She was used to being around athletic, physically fit people, but even so, Matt’s arms and shoulders, chest, back and torso were…amazing. Rock-solid, sculpted muscle. His body was… beautiful.

“What?” The belligerence was reflexive, because she realized she’d been staring, and Matt was sitting there watching her with that crooked grin on his face. And a gleam in his eyes that made her insides quiver.

“What’s the matter, Alex? Didn’t you ever see a paralyzed man get into a wheelchair before?”

She shrugged and turned as he did, falling in beside him as naturally as if he’d been walking. “Not from a boat, anyway.”

He gave a snort. “It is-”

“If you say ‘It is what it is’ again, I’m gonna smack you.”

He laughed.

They moved slowly, away from the boat, as far as the terrain would allow. When they reached the place where piled boulders blocked the wheelchair’s path, Alex leaned her backside against the sun-warmed rock and scanned the rugged hillside. “So, where are the others?”

“Went looking for privacy.”

“What about you?” She didn’t look at him. “You don’t need-”

“Nah, I’m fine.” Alex tilted her head, cut her eyes at him. He grinned, then shrugged. “I’m okay for now.”

She laughed, and it felt good. Almost as good as she remembered it being with Matt. When they weren’t arguing. She drew a deep breath, knowing they were about to do it again.

“I’m canceling the run,” she said, at the same exact moment he said, “You’re not canceling the run.”

She let out the breath, and again they spoke together.

“Matt-”

“Alex-”

Alex raked her hand over the top of her head and muttered, “God, you’re just the same. Stubborn…”

“Hell, yeah, I’m stubborn.” There was an angry edge to his voice. “I didn’t get to this point with this thing-” he pounded the gloved heels of his hands on the wheels of his chair “-by quitting when things got tough.”

And yet, you did. You quit on me, dammit.

But she didn’t say that out loud, and silence fell like a wall between them.

Ah, hell. Matt closed his eyes and counted. Why does it always have to be like this between us, Alex? As close as we were-once-were we ever honest with each other?

He took a deep breath and said softly, “Alex, be honest-do you really want to quit? Don’t you want to keep going, too?”

She gave a short laugh. Looked at the ground, then at him. And did he imagine it, or had her eyes kindled for just a moment, the way they did sometimes, like live coals when a soft breath touches them?

She looked away again, nodding. “You did good out there,” she said stiffly, not looking at him. “Really good. You saved him-you know that, don’t you?”

“We did. We were good together, weren’t we?” Like old times. He waited for her to say it: I’ve missed you. I need you here. I want you to come back.

But she didn’t say it. Instead, Alex shaded her eyes and looked skyward, and they both listened to the staccato beat of the fire department chopper, making its way steadily toward them up the river canyon.

“I thought sure she was going to cancel the rest of the run,” Sam said. “Didn’t you?”

Cory didn’t reply.

They were standing on a huge boulder overlooking the river, arms around each other’s waists, watching the helicopter bank sharply and begin its long gradual climb out of the canyon. Down below them they could see Alex and Matt at the river’s edge, getting the boat ready to put in.

“Wonder why she didn’t?” She craned to look up at her husband. “Think maybe that’s a good sign?”

She felt him exhale. Looking out across the river, he said, “Lord, I sure do hope so.”

“You’re worried, aren’t you? Why-because of the accident? Seemed like Matt handled that real well.”

“You’re forgetting the reason you were in that kayak to begin with. I don’t know, Sam. Seems like too many things going wrong.”

Because she didn’t want to think too much about how it had felt, being at the mercy of the river, she poked him teasingly in the ribs. “Are you being paranoid, Pearse? Or just superstitious?”

He didn’t tease her back. The gravity of his voice sent a chill down her spine. “Not paranoid or superstitious, but maybe a wee bit…suspicious.”

She pulled away from him a little. “Pearse? What are you thinking?”

He glanced down at her, then quickly away. “I don’t know. I mean, you’d tell me if-”

The doubt in his voice jolted her. “Jeez, Pearse, you can’t think-no!”

“Tell me the truth, Sam.” His body felt rigid next to hers. “This isn’t the Philippines all over again, is it?”

“Listen to me,” she said, and her voice was low and even. “That was before you were my husband. I’d tell you if I had anything goin’ on. Especially if there was any chance it might put your brother in danger. I don’t know how you could think I wouldn’t.”

He exhaled, and she felt him relax as he kissed the top of her head. “I don’t. Not really.”