Still Waters

hadn't he realized that loving a woman would be a whole lot more complicated than loving a child? More complicated… and too easy to confuse and mistake for other things…

Well, he'd wanted Maddy just where he had her right now. In fact, though it shamed him to admit it, he'd maneuvered her here with the same concentrated determination he'd always put into achieving anything he'd ever wanted. And now that he'd won, he knew he couldn't do it to her. He wanted more from her than a yielding body-a lot more.

The effort it took to control his desires left him vibrating like a plucked string. His jaws felt as if they'd been wired shut. He managed to grate out, 'Maddy,' and pulled her arms from around his neck.

'Maddy,' he said, praying she would understand, 'I think I'd better take you home now.'

She wasn't going to understand. He could see it in her eyes. They were glazed and dark with shock. He held her hands together in both of his and said gently, 'Believe me, I don't want to. But… you're very vulnerable right now. We both are. You're a warm, compassionate woman, and I've just unloaded on you. We're holding on to each other for comfort. Maddy, I can't let you get caught up in the moment and do something you'll regret later.'

She opened her mouth, then closed it. He saw her throat move. She wouldn't argue with him-she didn't have enough self-confidence for that-but he knew she felt rejected. He hated doing this to her, but the alternative was unthinkable. In a little while, when she'd had a chance to recover her sanity, she'd thank him.

'Come on, I'll take you home,' he said, still struggling with his rigid jaws. He glanced down at her feet. 'Get your shoes.'

She shook her head. 'Don't have any. I left them at Jody's. Just take me back there, please. I have to get my car.'

'Oh,' he said. 'Of course.'

He drove her back to the Harbors' in silence. The party was still in full swing. He sat in his car and waited while she walked barefooted up the walk. He knew he should have gone with her, but he didn't think he could have faced her at the door, said night to her, without pulling her into his arms. He didn't think he had it in him to let her go twice in one night.

When she had disappeared through the Harbors' front door, he put his car in gear and drove slowly and carefully home. He let himself into his empty house and made straight for the basement. As he crossed the room he was pulling his shirt off over his head, kicking off his shoes, yanking at his belt buckle. By the time he reached the pool he was naked. Without missing a stride he launched himself through the air in a shallow racing dive. His body cut like a knife through the cool, silky blackness.

He thought it probable that anyone watching him enter the water must have heard the hiss of steam…

He swam underwater until his chest began to feel like a bass drum, then surfaced and ploughed up and down the length of the pool until he was thoroughly winded. As he was dragging himself out of the water he thought he heard the chime of his front doorbell.

He froze, listening, while they pool water undulated, glittering with reflected moonlight. It came again, distant but unmistakable.

Damn, he thought. Who the hell could that be?

Muttering oaths under his breath, he found a towel and knotted it carelessly around his hips. Leaving a trail of wet footprints and water droplets, he ran up the stairs and strode to the door. Flung it open. And stood frozen with disbelief.

Maddy stood there, holding her shoes in one hand.

Nine

'I can't believe I let you do that,' she said, breathing hard through her nose. She'd worked up a good head of steam on the drive there, and she was ready to let it blow.

Zack looked as if he'd run into a wall. He blinked at her and croaked, 'What?'

'I can't believe I let you decide for me what I do or do not want to do, what is or is not good for me! And after I'd just got through telling you I wasn't a child!' She glared at him, then looked more closely and felt her anger getting sidetracked.

'You're wet!' she declared, then asked uncertainly, 'Were you in the shower?'

'No, I was-'

'Aren't you going to let me come in? I am barefooted, you know.' To her bemusement, her voice seemed to have grown husky. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen his body before, but there was something about the towel, and the way he had it knotted, that made her quite certain there was nothing but Zack underneath it.

Impulsively she reached out and brushed glistening drops of water from one smooth pectoral mound. 'And you… are getting cold.'

'No, I'm not.'

'Yes, you are.' She brushed the backs of her fingers across a flat nipple and the hard little bump at its center.

He caught her wrist. 'Dammit, Maddy. What do you think I am? Do you have any idea how hard it was to say good night to you?'

She gazed steadily at him and said bluntly, 'Then why did you?'

'I told you-'

'You told me about holding on to each other… comforting each other. I don't see anything wrong with that.' It was too soon to tell him how she really felt about him. She didn't have the courage to say the words. Maybe she never would. Which was maybe why she wanted so desperately to show him…

She took a deep breath, shoring up her crumbling self-confidence. 'Zack, I don't want to be alone tonight-not after all we've… all that's been said. I don't think you do either.'

'Maddy.' He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. 'Are you sure you know what you're doing?'

'Zack. Recent behavior to the contrary, I am a grown woman. Give me credit for knowing my own mind. But please.' She paused for a small gust of nervous laughter. 'If you leave me standing out here on your doorstep much longer, you won't have to say good night, because I'm about to lose my nerve. Zack… tell me honestly: Do you want me to go? If you really want me to go, I'll leave.'

She stared at him, feeling her legs weaken, hearing her heartbeat like thunder in her ears. After several eternities he shook his head and muttered thickly, 'No. I don't want you to go.'

She lifted her hands, then let them drop, and made a frustrated, whimpering sound. Zack held out his hand. She put hers into it and stepped over the threshold. The door's soft closing seemed symbolic. If she'd gone too far this time, there was no going back.

'Maddy…' Her name was a sigh in the darkness. His hand closed on the nape of her neck. 'I'm glad you're here.'

Tiny electrical currents of anxiety ran around inside her. A hiccup of laughter pushed up through her throat. 'Zack, I'm afraid you'll have to tell me… I don't know quite where we go from here. I'm not… used to this sort of thing.'

His hand tightened for an instant on her neck. She heard a soft snort of irony. 'What makes you think I am?'

She caught her lower lip between her teeth and stared at his dark outline. 'You're not?'

The dry rustle of his laughter stirred the darkness. 'Driving for Olympic gold doesn't leave much time for… other things. And afterward, I was overwhelmed by all the attention. Carol was the first girl who didn't make me feel like some kind of freak, and we married when I was barely twenty-one. She was two years older. And after she died… Look, do you really want to stand here and discuss my sexual track record?'

Maddy heard the vulnerability vibrating through the exasperation in his voice and let her smile come into hers. 'No, I don't.' She put out her hand and touched the tense muscles of his belly. Beneath the cool, water-chilled skin she could feel vibrant heat and ripples of inner trembling, like the shivers that were turning her own insides to jelly. Tenderness poured through her like warm rain, nourishing her confidence.

Zack's hand turned upward beneath her hair to cradle her head. He brought his mouth to within a hair's breadth