stairs.
At the door to her own room, she hesitated. She’d left it open; she could see the peace and privacy, the order and solitude she craved right there in front of her. The neatly made bed, the leftover wrapping materials in a tidy pile beside the dresser. But now for some reason the room seemed less peaceful to her than lonely. And suddenly she knew that, on this night, at least, it wasn’t solitude she wanted.
A little farther down the hallway, she could see a narrow strip of light showing under Eric’s bedroom door. There was no sound in the hallway; she could almost hear the pounding of her own heart. A shiver went through her, and she put a hand on the doorframe to steady herself. Drawing a slow, deep breath, she closed her eyes.
She could feel his breath on her skin…smell his clean, wholesome scent. The longing to have his arms around her, the warmth and strength of his long, angular body against hers as it had been in her vision, was so acute she nearly whimpered aloud.
Her heart thumped against her breastbone as she pushed away from the doorframe. Her legs shook as she crossed the few yards of hallway to Eric’s door. Her mouth was dry; her throat felt sticky when she tried to swallow. More nervous than she’d ever been in her life, she lifted her hand to knock.
And froze-just in time.
Above the pounding of her own pulse she could hear Eric’s voice, not the low, crooning murmur he used when he spoke to Emily, but the recognizable cadences of adult conversation. Only one voice, though, with pauses between; he was obviously talking on the telephone. Devon couldn’t make out words, but there was no mistaking the intimacy and affection in his tone.
Her skin prickled; chagrin washed through her in a cold flood. Stupid, she thought.
Calmer now, her heart quiet and heavy inside her, Devon tiptoed back to her room and closed the door. She felt no less cold, no less lonely, but at least now she knew. She wouldn’t be so stupid again.
“Eric, just one question-are you absolutely
He gave a short, uneven laugh as he tried with one hand to rub the ache out of his eyes. “I wouldn’t say it’s what I want to do, no. But I think…I
“You really think she’s got repressed memories of abuse?”
“I’m almost certain of it-yeah. She’s got no memories of her childhood at all, and she gets tense and scared if you push her on it. But unless I can get her to remember and acknowledge what went on in that house, she’s going to continue to do everything she can to get her clients-i.e., her parents-what they want. What they want is custody of their granddaughter, and…” His voice grew deeper with resolve. “I can’t let that happen, Cait.”
“No,” she agreed softly. And after a pause. “Too bad Emily’s not really yours.”
“You can’t fool DNA,” said Eric dryly. “No, without Devon’s testimony, I’m afraid the law’s on their side.” It was his turn to pause. “Cait, you know I wouldn’t ask-”
“Hey,” she interrupted in a brisker tone, “it’s what we do. Now-it’s kind of short notice…”
“I know-I’m sorry. I should have-”
“Never mind that. Let me get started on this-there’s a lot to do. Where do you think you’ll go, Canada?”
“For starters, yeah, it’s the closest. After that…who knows? Someplace warm.” His smile was wry, though she wouldn’t see it. “I’m not used to these Midwestern winters anymore.”
There was a little silence, and then Caitlyn’s voice, sounding farther away than ever. “Eric? I’m sorry, but I have to ask. What about your mom and dad? They’ve missed you, you know. Your mom’s so thrilled to have you here. I know you’ve been away a long time, but are you sure you’re ready to give it all up? Forever? This is your home-”
Eric interrupted her with a pain-filled laugh. “If you’d asked me that a week ago, I’d have said, no problem. Now…” He took a breath. “Since I’ve been back it seems like everything-the place, my folks-somehow it all looks different to me.”
In the gentle, attentive way that had made her not only his cousin but his best friend, as a kid, and in the years since, so often his confidante, Caitlyn prompted, “Different how?”
Sitting hunched over on the edge of his bed with his elbows propped on his knees, he tried again to rub away the ache behind his eyes. “You know how it was when I was growing up. All I could think about was getting away from this place, getting out into the world. I was scared to death I’d be trapped here for the rest of my life, like Mom. Now, maybe it’s because I’ve seen the world, and I’ve seen how much misery there is out there, but I’m really beginning to realize for the first time, I think, how lucky I was-what a great childhood I had. I keep thinking how great my mom and dad are. Even thinking what a great place this would be to raise a kid.” He smiled crookedly at the floor between his feet. “Ironic, isn’t it? Now it’s impossible…”
“Eric?” Caitlyn’s laugh was gently teasing. “Is this you I’m hearing?”
He tried his best to erase it all with a snort. “Hell, maybe it’s the holidays. Anyway, look-I know it’s not much notice, but do what you can, okay? And I guess I’ll see you here, Christmas Day?”
“You don’t think I’d miss it, do you? Your first Christmas home in ten years? Sure, I’ll be there-with bells on. I’ve even got a present for Emily. Thank you for the book gift certificate, by the way. It came in today’s e- mail.”
“You’re welcome. Hey, don’t think you have to- Wait-hold on a minute, Cait.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “I think I heard someone…”
Placing the cell phone on the bedspread, he crossed the room in two long, soundless strides, listened for a moment at the door, then carefully eased it open. There was no one in the hallway, but Devon’s door was just closing with a soft
His heart gave a lurch and his skin shivered with a whole weird mix of emotions-curiosity and excitement, regret and alarm. Had she come to his door? If so, why? And why hadn’t she knocked? How long had she been there? What had she heard?
He thought about going down the hall and knocking on her door to find out the answers to those questions. The pulse thumping in his belly urged him to. So did the not-so-well-banked embers of earlier fires simmering farther down. But both of those things also told him if he went knocking on Devon’s door this late at night, in a sleeping house, it wouldn’t be because he wanted questions answered. Who was he kidding?
And Caitlyn was waiting on the phone, her very presence there a reminder, and a warning. Getting involved with Devon was a bad idea-for all sorts of reasons. Not the least of which was the fact that he was starting to care about her.
He picked up the phone. “Cait? You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Okay. False alarm. So, all right. You get everything together, and I’ll call you first thing Christmas morning to let you know if it’s a ‘go’ or not.”
“Right. And meanwhile…Eric?” He waited, and his cousin said softly, “Keep hoping for that miracle, okay? ’Tis the season, after all.”
He answered with a huff of laughter that gave him no comfort.
He broke the connection, but sat for a long time with the phone dangling between his knees, staring at nothing while his mind darted from one quandary to another, not knowing which to tackle first. No matter where he looked, his prospects seemed bleak.
