'You look like me,' Orson said. 'What’s that about?'
'You thirsty?'
'Yeah.'
I fed him a full bottle of tepid water.
'Orson,' I said. 'You try anything. One thing. I’ll kill you.'
'I believe it.'
The dashboard clock read 4:07. I watched it turn to 4:08, then 4:09.
'It’ll be dark out there soon,' I said. Sweat trilled down my chest and my legs. Orson leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. He smelled of urine. His robe was soiled, and I felt ashamed I hadn’t let him use the bathroom properly since Vermont.
The seconds ticked on: 4:10. 4:11. 4:12.
'I can’t stand this,' I said, and I started the car.
'What are you doing?'
'I’m gonna find that dirt road.'
'Andy. Andy!' I’d shifted the car into drive, and with my foot on the accelerator, I looked over at Orson. 'Quit being stupid,' he said calmly. 'You aren’t gonna find the road. You aren’t gonna find the cabin. This is a full-fledged blizzard, and if you get us stuck off this highway, we are fucked. Now, we aren’t leaving this car anytime soon. That’s a given. So let’s wait it out here, in the middle of a highway, where we at least know where we are. If you try to find that dirt road, you’re gonna put us in the middle of a desert in a whiteout.'
'All we have to do is go straight. The cabin’s that way. We’ll go straight for —'
'Which way’s straight? That way? That way? That way? It all looks straight to me!'
I punched the gas, and the tail end of the Lexus fishtailed. Letting off, I pressed more gently, and the tires found the pavement and gave us solid forward momentum. At forty miles an hour, I turned into the desert. The tires sank into the powder, and our speed slowed to thirty. The snow was twice as deep as on the road, and though I felt we might lose traction at any second, I maintained control. Steering between sagebrush, I squinted through the windshield, looking for that long, straight swath of white that would be unmarred by vegetation. It would extend westward, a thin white ribbon in the snow, and we’d follow it and find the cabin.
Orson gaped at me.
'You see anything?' I asked. 'You looking?' The engine labored to keep the wheels turning, and the speedometer needle jigged between twenty and twenty-five. I watched it uneasily.
'Circle back,' he said. 'Do it now and we might reach the highway. But if you let this car stop out here, we don’t have a prayer.'
'Look for the dirt road,' I said.
'Andy —'
'Look for the fucking road!'
Four minutes passed before I realized he was right. I couldn’t see farther than fifty feet beyond the hood of the car, and with the needle hovering at ten, I doubted if we had had the velocity to return to the highway.
'We’ll go back,' I said, easing the steering wheel to the right.
The back end jinked left and the tires instantly lost traction. Panicking, I stomped the gas, and the car spun 360 degrees. By the time I’d backed off the accelerator, our speed had dropped under five miles an hour, and there was nothing I could do to regain it. The Lexus came to rest against a shrub of sagebrush.
'It’s fine,' I said. 'Don’t say anything.'
Touching the gas gingerly, the tires spun, but they didn’t achieve traction. I clenched the steering wheel and pushed the pedal into the floor. The engine roared and the tires spewed up a load of snow, and, for a second, dirt. The Lexus surged forward into fresh snow, and I shoved my foot harder into the pedal until the rpm indicator red- lined, and I could smell the engine cooking. But the tires never met the ground again, and after I’d overheated the engine, I turned off the car and jerked the keys from the ignition.
I opened my door and ran out into the storm. At fifty miles an hour, snowflakes become cold needles, and they relentlessly pricked my face. I bent down and scraped through six inches of powder, thinking, Maybe I’m standing on the dirt road. My hands ached as I clawed through the snow, and I reached the dirt finally, but it was too loose to be a road.
Staring up into the raging white fog, I screamed until my throat burned. My face stung from the cold, and the snow seeped through my sneakers. This isn’t happening, I thought, the dread of being stranded out here with him beginning to suffocate me. This cannot be real.
32
I climbed back into the Lexus and shed my wet clothes. Throwing them onto the floorboard of the backseat, I opened my suitcase and put on a clean pair of underwear, a sweatsuit I’d packed to sleep in, and two pairs of socks.
'Should I turn the car on?' I asked. 'Will that run down the battery?'
'It shouldn’t. But leave it off for now, at least till it’s pitch-black out there. We’ll need it to run all night for the heat.' He leaned against the window, still haggard and sluggish from the drug. 'How are we on gas?'
'Half a tank.'
Orson brought his legs up into the seat and turned over on his side, his back to me.
'You cold?' I asked.
'A little.'
From Walter’s suitcase, I grabbed a pair of sweatpants, wool socks, and a gray sweatshirt featuring the UNC insignia in Carolina blue. Placing them across Orson’s lap, I picked up the Glock, which had been at my feet, and took the handcuff key from my pocket.
'I’m gonna uncuff you so you can get out of that nasty robe,' I said. 'Then they’re going right back on.' I unlocked the handcuffs and removed them from his wrists. Disrobing, he dropped the bathrobe at his feet and bundled up in Walter’s clothes. I moved to put the cuffs back on him, but he said, 'Hold on a second,' and lowered his sweatpants so he could inspect the burn on his inner thigh. 'It itches,' he said, and after he’d scratched around the perimeter of the peppermint patty–size blister, he pulled his sweatpants back up, placed his hands behind his back, and allowed me to cuff him.
I tilted my seat back and listened to the wind ravish the car. Lightning blinked against the snowy dusk; thunder promptly followed.
'Orson,' I said, 'I want you to tell me why you killed our mother.'
'You know.'
He was right.
'I want you to say it. I’d have come after you for Walter’s family. Maybe just for me.'
'I’m sure you would have.'
'You’re an abomination. I’ve got another theory. Want to hear it?'
'Sure,' he said, staring into the storm.
'Because she brought you into this world.'
He looked at me like I’d caught him sniffing panties.
The temperature inside the car had already begun to plummet when I selected a box of Ritz crackers, a cylinder of provolone cheese, and a bottle of cabernet sauvignon from the stash of groceries.
'We aren’t gonna be able to drink this,' I said. 'No corkscrew.'
'There’s a pocketknife with one on it in the glove compartment,' Orson said.
Finding the Swiss army knife under a stack of road maps, I uncorked the bottle and swilled the spicy wine. Then I tore open the box of crackers and lined them up on my legs.
'You hungry?' I asked, slicing into the smoked cheese with the dull blade. 'Here.' Sandwiching a disk of provolone between two crackers, I placed it in his mouth. Then I lay back in my seat and watched the night
