Confessions at Midnight

At first she'd categorized the handsome, charming earl as nothing more than another shallow aristocrat, spoiled by too much money, free time, and fawning women. Yet when he believed himself unobserved, his dark blue eyes turned pensive and seemed to harbor sadness. It was an emotion she understood well, and she couldn't help but wonder if some manner of tragedy had befallen him in the past.

But there was something else in his eyes… something that disrupted her calm and made her insides flutter in the most unsettling way. Something she wasn't quite certain she liked.

She was saved from commenting when Julianne chimed in, 'Mother told me that Mr. Logan Jennsen will also attend the party.'

Emily wrinkled her nose. 'I'm certain he'll be easy to spot in the crush. He'll no doubt be garbed as a serpent. Or perhaps a wolf.'

'I don't understand why you dislike him so,' Sarah said. 'He's very entertaining.'

'I simply can't credit that he's invited everywhere,' Emily said with a sniff. 'Has no one besides me noticed he's an uncouth American?'

'He's invited everywhere because he's obscenely wealthy,' Julianne said. 'No doubt he'd like to find himself a peer's daughter to marry to ease his way into Society, and with his vast wealth he'll surely succeed.' She gave Emily a teasing nudge. 'Best watch out or he'll cast his eye upon you.'

'He'd best not, unless he'd like to lose his eye. Perhaps he'll cast his net in your direction.'

'He'd be wasting his time, as Father would never consent to a match outside the peerage, regardless of the gentleman's wealth. And there's not enough hartshorn in the kingdom for Mother to consider it.'

Carolyn had no doubt Julianne's assessment was true. Julianne's mother, the formidable Countess Gatesbourne, was overbearing in regards to her only child in a way that made other overbearing mothers seem like tame kittens. She was determined to see Julianne make a brilliant marriage. On the basis of her stunning looks alone, Julianne could attract any man. Combined with her sweet disposition and her family's vast wealth, she was one of the most eligible young women of the ton. And sadly, very much under the crushing weight of her mother's heavy thumb. Carolyn prayed that Julianne's gentle, romantic nature wouldn't be trampled by some philandering, jaded peer, but she'd seen enough of the breed to know that men like her Edward were rare amongst the species.

Her gaze shifted to Emily and sympathy filled her. Emily had recently confessed that her family was suffering severe financial difficulties, thanks in part to her father's excessive gambling. She feared her father planned to arrange for her to marry some old, creaky lord with nothing to recommend him save a great deal of much needed money. Carolyn dearly hoped such a fate wouldn't befall her lively, spirited friend.

In order to break the silence that had descended, Carolyn asked, 'What sort of costumes are you all wearing?'

'You're not supposed to tell,' said Emily, shaking a finger.

'But how else will we find each other in the crush?' asked Julianne. 'I need to know who to look for in case I get an opportunity to escape Mother.'

'Matthew and I will be attired as Romeo and Juliet,' said Sarah, 'except in our version of the story clearly neither of them die, as we are older than the teenage lovers. And besides, I cannot abide unhappy endings.'

Emily heaved a sigh. 'I shall be the tragic Ophelia. I wanted to be Cleopatra, but Mama said 'twas too scandalous.' She grinned. 'Perhaps I should go as the Anonymous Lady.'

'Yes,' Carolyn said. 'For a costume you could wear your skirt inched up about your waist and carry a copy of the Memoirs.'

They all laughed. 'I'll be dressed as an angel,' said Julianne.

'Very appropriate,' Carolyn said.

'And boring,' Julianne said with a sigh. 'But Mother insisted.'

'Wait until you see Carolyn's costume,' Sarah enthused. 'I helped her choose it.'

Carolyn shot her sister a mock frown. 'More like you ordered it, had it delivered here, then demanded I wear it.' She looked at her two friends. 'Since her marriage she's become very domineering and demanding.'

'My husband likes me that way,' Sarah answered tartly. 'If I hadn't helped you with your costume, you'd have dressed as a shepherdess.'

'Most likely,' agreed Carolyn. 'I certainly would not have chosen Galatea.'

Julianne's eyes lit up. 'Oh, the beautiful ivory statue that comes to life. You'll be stunning, Carolyn.'

'And feel as if I'm only half dressed.'

'Be happy that you're wearing anything,' Emily said with a devilish grin. 'Galatea was nude, you know.'

Carolyn shot Sarah a frown. 'I think you should go as Galatea and I'll go as a shepherdess.'

'Heavens, no,' said Sarah. 'What on earth would Romeo want with a Greek statue? As Julianne said, you'll be stunning. There is nothing the least bit improper about your costume.'

'Of course not,' agreed Julianne. 'Indeed, based on some of the costumes worn at Lady Walsh's ball last year, you'll be overdressed.' She lowered her voice to impart, 'A shocking number of women dressed as harem members.'

'And nearly as many men were attired in togas-men whose rotund figures most assuredly should not have been draped in sheets.' Emily gave an all-over shudder.

'I'm almost sorry I missed it,' Carolyn said with a smile.

'With a few minor adjustments we could turn you from Galatea into Aphrodite,' Sarah said to Carolyn with a speculative air. 'The goddess of desire is who I wanted you to be to begin with.'

'Absolutely not,' Carolyn said firmly. 'What would people think?'

Sarah reached out and lightly clasped her hand, her brown gaze serious as it rested on her. 'That you are a young, vibrant woman who deserves to enjoy herself.'

'I'm a thirty-two-year-old widow who is too old and too sensible to parade about in an unbecoming fashion.' She said the words softly, to take any sting from them. She knew Sarah meant well, and truly she appreciated her sister's efforts on her behalf. But ever since she'd reentered Society, she sometimes felt as if in her determination to get on with her life everything was moving too quickly. As if she were losing part of herself, of the person she'd been for the last ten years-Edward's wife. She occasionally had difficulty recalling images of him that used to be so clear in her mind. Couldn't precisely recall the sound of his laughter. The warmth of his touch. The slow leaching of those memories confused and saddened her. And frightened her. For if her memories of Edward faded away, she'd have nothing left.

'There is nothing unbecoming about you,' Sarah said gently, squeezing her hand. Then she smiled. 'And we are all going to have a grand time this evening.'

Carolyn returned her sister's smile, although she wasn't as optimistic. The idea of a costume ball had sounded exciting when she received the invitation, but now that the day was here, she felt decidedly less enthusiastic. She'd allowed Sarah to talk her into the Galatea costume, because as her sister pointed out, Galatea was brought to life, just as she herself wanted to be brought back to life. What she hadn't pointed out to Sarah was that the statue of Galatea was only brought to life because Pygmalion, the sculptor, fell passionately in love with his work of art. Love had brought Galatea to life. At one time, love had done the same for her, but she knew in her heart it would not, could not, happen again.

Chapter Two

The note read only, 'Midnight, the stables.' I instantly knew who it was from. Heart pounding with anticipation, I arrived at the appointed time. He stepped from the shadows and without a word pulled me into his arms…

Memoirs of a Mistress by An Anonymous Lady