deserted…”
Her words trailed off as she drew closer to him. He was leaning forward, his elbows braced on his spread thighs, his clenched hands hanging between his knees. He looked up at her as she approached him, his expression more serious than she’d ever seen it. He rose slowly, as if some great burden weighed him down and concern suffused her.
“Are you all right?” she asked, lightly grasping his arm.
He stepped away from her touch, something he’d never done before, and uneasiness slithered down her spine. Obviously he was still very upset. Not that she blamed him. “We need to talk,” he said.
Yes, they did. But the way he said those words, in that grave tone, and his somber expression, her uneasiness morphed into dread. Her intuition warned her she wasn’t going to like what she was about to hear.
Forcing a half smile, she said in the brightest voice she could muster, “Of course we do. I want to tell you about my extremely long conversation with my mother, although I’ll give you the condensed version-”
“Jessica.”
She stopped speaking at the sound of that single quiet word. He never called her Jessica. It was always Jess or sweetheart or some other endearment. She had to swallow to locate her suddenly missing voice. “Yes?”
“The conversation with your mother isn’t what I need to talk to you about.” He nodded toward the chair by the fire. “Maybe you should sit down.”
Her stomach plummeted to her feet. Sit down? Oh, God. Nobody was ever told to sit down because whatever was coming next was good. She shook her head. “I’d rather stand.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw and she wanted to reach out and touch him, but she suddenly felt as if she couldn’t move.
“About what happened this morning at the lodge,” he began.
A feeling akin to panic made her rush to say, “I know it was awful, but-”
“It was worse than awful. It was…intolerable.” He looked away from her for several long seconds and when he looked back his eyes were filled with both sadness and regret. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “So sorry to have to say this, but I just can’t do this anymore.”
Jessica tried to draw a breath, but it seemed as if his words had sucked all the oxygen from the room. She licked her dust-dry lips. “What do you mean by ‘this’?”
“I mean the wedding. I can’t do it anymore. It’s over.”
She didn’t need to worry any longer about the lack of oxygen in the room because her lungs seemed to have shut down, bringing her heart along with them. A deafening silence engulfed them and she stared at him, certain she must have misheard, but one look at his face told her she hadn’t. He was utterly serious. While she’d feared this moment might come, somehow, deep in her heart, she hadn’t truly believed it actually could.
Her entire body started to tremble. “You can’t mean that,” she whispered. “I know it’s been difficult, but-”
“But now it’s impossible,” he broke in. “We both know why we came here. The arguments, the stress, the problems were just getting to be too much. Well, this morning they became too much. I’m done.”
Little black dots swam before her eyes and she had to lock her knees to remain upright. “I…see.” The anguished words were barely audible. Yet as soon as she uttered them she realized that, no, she didn’t see. Not at all. A kernel of anger sparked to life in her stalled heart, flaming brighter with each passing second until she narrowed her eyes at him.
“So that’s it? It’s all over? Just like that?”
To his credit, he looked as ripped apart as she felt. “I’m sorry. But I hope we can-”
“Can what? Stay friends?”
He blinked then frowned. He opened his mouth to speak but she rushed on, tears flooding her eyes with each word. “How can you do this? Where’s the man who said he loved me more than anything? Who wanted nothing more than to be my husband? The father of our children? Who wanted to grow old with me?”
His frown grew deeper. “He’s right here.” He leaned toward her and peered at her face. “Oh, crap, you’re crying.” He moved to the nightstand and ripped half a dozen tissues from the box there.
With shaking fingers she swiped impatiently at the wetness coursing down her cheeks but the tears were instantly replaced by a new flood. God, how was it possible to hurt so much? She felt as if her heart were hemorrhaging. “You sound surprised,” she said, her voice trembling and bitter. “Did you think I’d turn cartwheels when you broke our engagement?”
His tissue-laden hand froze halfway to her cheek and he stared. “What are you talking about?”
She snatched the tissues from his hand and scrubbed at her eyes. Her diamond glimmered in the firelight and she squeezed her eyes shut to block out the sight of the ring that had represented all her hopes and dreams.
His hands cupped her wet face. “Jess, look at me. Sweetheart, please…”
A sob caught in her throat. Great. Not only did he not want her anymore, but he was tossing out pity endearments. She opened her eyes and found him staring at her, his confused gaze intent on hers. “You think I’m breaking our engagement?”
She blinked at the incredulous note in his voice. “Are…aren’t you?”
“No! God, no. Never. No.” He peppered kisses all over her wet cheeks. “How could you possibly think that?”
“Uh, I guess because you were saying things like ‘it’s over’ and ‘I’m done.’”
He wrapped one strong arm around her waist and yanked her against him. With his other hand he dabbed at her tears. “I was talking about the wedding. Not us.” He cupped her cheek in his palm and looked deep into her eyes. “Jess…I love you so much. I would never give up on us. Ever.” There was no missing the hurt that flashed in his eyes. “I can’t believe you’d think I would leave you.”
Her relief was so intense she felt light-headed. “I’m sorry. At first I couldn’t believe it. But you were so upset when we overheard my mother, and so serious now with your ‘we need to talk.’” She kissed him, once, hard, then leaned back to glare at him. “You could have made yourself clearer, you know.”
“I thought I was being clear.”
“Yeah-like mud.”
“In my own defense, it never occurred to me you’d think I was dumping you.”
She framed his face between her still-not-quite-steady hands. “As if you could.” She hiked up her chin. “I’m not an easy woman to dump.”
“Sweetheart, it would be impossible. How could I live without my heart?”
Her chin quivered. “Okay, that was a very romantic thing to say.”
“And totally true. Ending our engagement never once crossed my mind.”
“You scared me to death.”
“I’m sorry.” He brushed his mouth over hers. “Sorry I scared you, sorry I made you cry.” He raised his head and searched her eyes. “Forgive me?”
“I suppose.” She sniffled. “But only if you promise never to frighten me like that again.”
“Promise.” A glint of humor flickered in his eyes. “Good to know, though, that you’d have missed me.”
“Ha. I wouldn’t have missed you one bit.”
“Yeah, that’s obvious, Miss Waterworks,” he teased, gently blotting away the last remnants of her tears with the wad of tissues he pried from her fingers.
“I wouldn’t have missed you because I wouldn’t have let you get away. I have silk scarves to tie you up with and I’m not afraid to use them.”
He grinned. “You’ve been reading my letter to Santa again.” Then his expression sobered. “Jess, what I was trying to say about the wedding is that it’s caused nothing but problems, ones that seem to multiply no matter what we do. So let’s not do it.” He cupped her cheek in his hand. “I want to marry you, so I can spend the rest of my life with you. A fancy wedding doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to me. Saying vows to you does.” Clasping her hands in his, he dropped to one knee in front of her. “Jess, will you marry me? I mean marry me-not have a fancy wedding with me?”
Another batch of tears rushed into her eyes. A half laugh, half cry rushed from her. “Yes. God, yes. Please, yes.” He stood and caught her up in his arms and spun her around until they were both laughing and breathless. And then he kissed her, a deep, passionate kiss that tasted of love and happiness. After he lifted his head, she said, “This is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. I shared a very long and exhausting conversation with my mother, but it did us both a world of good. We cleared the air about a lot of things and after a lot of arguing, tears
