Seduced at Midnight

a voice that sounded as if he'd swallowed broken glass.

For several long seconds they remained locked in place, both breathing hard, and Julianne reveled in the strength of his arms around her. The feel of his rapid heartbeat thumping against her chest. The scent of his skin mixed with the musk of their arousal. She'd never felt so warm and protected and utterly, beautifully alive. And for that, she loved him.

Everything inside her stilled as those words echoed through her mind, their truth becoming clearer with each repetition. She loved him. She loved him.

God help her, she loved him.

Hopelessly. Stupidly. Impossibly.

Irrevocably.

For the space of a single heartbeat she tried to deny it but realized it was hopeless to do so. He'd captured her imagination the instant she'd seen him two months ago, and every minute since had only built on those initial feelings.

She felt him lift his head, and she leaned back, wondering if she should confess the depth of her feelings, wondering if she'd even need to, for surely he'd see them reflected in her eyes. Wondering if she might see in his eyes even a fraction of what she felt toward him.

The instant their gazes met, that hope died a withering death. Instead of glowing with tenderness or affection, his eyes looked like flat stones. His mouth was pressed into a grim line, his expression hard.

Without a word he set her away from him. Her rumpled skirts unfurled, brushing down her unsteady legs. With a lump lodged in her throat, she watched him use his handkerchief to wipe away the evidence of his release from his stomach. He then shoved his wrinkled shirt back into his breeches and fastened them, uttering an obscenity when he realized one button was missing, obviously ripped off in his earlier haste. She saw the button on the floor, next to her shoe, and bent to retrieve it. As Gideon didn't notice she'd done so, she slipped the flat disk into the pocket of her gown.

When he finished, he raked his fingers through his hair, hair she'd mussed with her impatient fingers. He then dragged his hands down his face and let them fall limply to his sides, as if he were too exhausted to hold them up any longer.

'I'm sorry,' he said through obviously clenched teeth. 'I didn't mean to…' He drew in a slow, deep breath. 'That shouldn't have happened.'

A cold numbness crept into her, pushing aside all the warmth she'd felt just heartbeats ago. 'Why?'

Finally a crack showed in the granite of his expression, and disbelief showed through. 'Bloody hell, there are more reasons than I have breaths to name them.'

'I'll settle for one.'

'You know them as well as I do.'

'Because I'm getting married.'

He shook his head and again stabbed his fingers into his hair. 'That's only one of them, the one that has to do with my honor.' A bitter sound escaped him. 'Or what's left of it.' He grasped her by the shoulders, and she saw that his eyes were no longer flat. No, now they were filled with unmistakable anguish. And anger. Although she couldn't tell if he was angry with her or with himself. 'I told you-I don't take things that don't belong to me, Julianne. It's a point of pride and honor to me. And as much as I might wish it otherwise, you do not, cannot, will not ever belong to me.'

'You are not the only one who would wish it otherwise, Gideon,' she said quietly.

He released her and stepped back. 'It doesn't matter what either of us might wish. The fact remains you are engaged-'

'Not officially-'

'Irrelevant. It is only a matter of papers to be signed. But even if you weren't betrothed, this… attraction between us is completely impossible. You're an earl's daughter. An aristocrat. A wealthy member of society. I am so far below you socially, I need to stand on a ladder and look up just to squint at the hem of your skirt.'

'I told you, the trappings of wealth aren't important to me.'

'It doesn't matter. You cannot change who you are. Who I am. And who I'm not. Fancy balls and gowns and jewels might not be important to you, but they're a part of your world. And that is something I'll never be-a part of your world. Your duty is to-'

'Marry according to my father's wishes?' she said bitterly.

'In your world, yes.'

'And what is your duty, Gideon?'

'To let you do it. To not steal your innocence-or what bloody little I've left you with. The innocence that belongs to you.' A muscle ticked in his jaw. 'And your future husband.'

'You've taken nothing I haven't freely given.'

'Nonetheless, I shouldn't have taken it. I'd resolved I would never touch you. Then, after I did, I resolved it was a mistake, one that couldn't be repeated.' He shook his head, closed his eyes, and blew out a long, slow breath. Then he looked at her again. 'Clearly it is one thing to resolve not to do something and quite another to follow through on that resolve. But I won't fail again. I will not, cannot make the same mistake again.'

Mistake. That's all she was, what they'd shared, to him. 'You must think me a terrible wanton.'

He shook his head. 'No. I take full responsibility. I completely lost control of myself.'

'A generous and noble offer, but I cannot allow it. I am just as responsible, if not more so, as I desperately wanted you to lose your control.'

Julianne reached out to touch him, but he stepped back, shaking his head. She pressed her empty hands against her midriff, realizing that it wasn't just her hands that were empty. It was everything. Her life. Her heart. Her soul. She felt as if she were trying to hold water in her clenched fists; no matter how hard she gripped, it still trickled through until only emptiness remained.

'Gideon…I have so little time left.' She kept her gaze steady on his, fully aware of the desperation creeping into her voice and not caring. 'I've been happier in these stolen moments with you than I've ever been in my entire life-'

'Stop. Please.' He moved toward her with jerky steps, then cupped her face in his hands. His eyes looked tormented. 'God help me, I have no defenses against you. So please don't share any more of yourself, your feelings, with me. Please don't let me see any more of your heart. I don't deserve it, and it's making an already impossible situation even more so.' He squeezed his eyes briefly shut then said in a rough whisper, 'You have no idea how close to impossible it is for me to walk away as it is.'

She reached up and clasped his wrists. 'Then don't walk away, Gideon.' The words sounded like a desperate plea, but she didn't care. 'Let us be together for the next fortnight, until I must leave. I agree it is all we can have of each other. But let us have that much.'

His gaze searched hers, and she made no attempt to hide her feelings from him. She let him see all her hopes and wishes, all her wants and needs and desires. All her love. And with her insides jittering with anxiety, she prayed.

Several long seconds passed in silence. Then he slowly released her. And stepped back.

'I can't,' he said. 'I can't do it to you or myself. If anyone caught wind of this, the scandal would ruin you. You could lose everything.'

'And you would lose your honor.'

'Yes.'

A bitter sound escaped her. There obviously was no point in telling him that, except for creature comforts, she had nothing.