The Echo of Violence

“Never thought you’d complain about that.” She forced a smile as she stood near the kitchen.

Moving slower these days, he walked into the living room, dressed in jeans and a navy T-shirt. His dark hair was wet from the shower. She had brewed coffee and been waiting to cook for him.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

“Not really. Coffee works.”

Kinkaid’s body had taken a beating, but there was nothing wrong with his eyesight.

“What’s this?” He pointed toward the front door and narrowed his eyes. “You leaving?”

He noticed her gear packed and behind a chair near the entry. Whatever time they had together had run out. She had already made arrangements to leave Cuba that day. She felt like a damned coward, but she had to remind herself. There was nothing real between them. All they had were old memories and her gullible notion of a road not taken. He had never promised her anything. And the attraction and feelings she believed they shared hadn’t been there at all. Their emotional connection had been a one-way street, driven by her desire to make a change in her life—and wanting it to be with him.

“Yeah, life goes on,” she said. “Didn’t you get the memo?”

Her words came out harsher than she had intended. Or had they? Anger colored her mood. She was leaving, acknowledging that she’d been wrong about him, but he’d lied to her.

And that hurt, damn it!

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re married, Jackson…and that you have a kid?” She couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice. It made her sound like such a…girl. The last thing she wanted. “I never figured you for soccer games and PTA meetings.”

“What?” He glared at her. She’d crossed a line, and she had no idea how. “Did Garrett tell you about them? I’m surprised he had the nerve, the bastard.”

What did Garrett have to do with Kinkaid’s wife and child? Heat rushed to her cheeks, along with the cold realization that she was treading on dangerous turf and going in blind.

“No, I listened to your iPod. That’s all.”

“And that’s enough.” He raked a hand through his hair and turned his back on her. With a loud sigh, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and let the silence build a wall between them.

When he finally spoke, she barely heard his voice.

“My wife and little girl are dead. That recording I have…it’s the last time I heard their voices.”

Alexa felt as if she’d been sucker punched. She had barely gotten used to the idea of his being married. Now to hear his wife and child were dead ripped her heart out—for him. A guy like Kinkaid lived to protect. He’d been trained for it, but the instinct came naturally. It was in his genes. For him to love someone enough to marry her and have a baby, his wife had to be a very special woman. And a father should never experience the death of his little girl. Never.

Alexa ached for him and knew he was hurting. She had no doubt grief had been the reason for his stay in a mental hospital. For him to lose it like that would have been devastating for a take-charge guy like Kinkaid. She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.

“When did it…happen?” she asked.

“After the last mission I had with you. Nearly five years ago. They were murdered, Alexa. And I was the one who found them.”

“Murdered?” Alexa was numb with shock. “Who would have killed them, Jackson?”

“It was a professional hit. Police didn’t even get close to finding out who did it.” When Kinkaid turned, his face was flushed. “Garrett had a security detail on them, but something went wrong. After what happened, I called it quits with the Sentinels…and Garrett. If I’d stayed, I would have been too tempted to kill your boss.”

“Since your family was under Sentinels’ protection, did it have something to do with a mission?” she asked, but didn’t wait for his answer. “Why didn’t Garrett conduct his own investigation? When one of his own comes under fire, he’d be the first one to…”

“Look, that’s not how it went down. And I’ve said too much already. I don’t need you involved in this.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Any of it.” She hadn’t meant to ask that, but the words were out before she could stop. And there was no reining back the heartache she felt inside.

He shook his head. “I kept my wife and kid a secret from everyone. In our business, having a family makes you vulnerable. And they meant too much to me. I couldn’t risk anyone knowing, not even you. And after they were killed, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”

But Garrett had known about Kinkaid’s family,, she thought. Garrett was supposed to keep them safe.

A stab of fear gripped her stomach, making her wonder what had really happened. And she had a feeling Garrett would have nothing to say, not about the death of Kinkaid’s wife and little girl. Alexa didn’t know what to believe. She respected both men and had feelings for them too—very different feelings.

“Kate mentioned you had a charitable foundation.” She changed the subject, wanting to understand. “What’s that all about? You work as a mercenary for drug cartels, siding with the highest bidder. That doesn’t fit the image for…what’s the name of your foundation?”

She tried to recall the name. When he filled in the blank, saying, “Lost Angel,” she suddenly knew.

The foundation had been named for his daughter. Daddy’s little angel.

“Oh…I’m so sorry, Jackson. I didn’t know. And you don’t have to explain. Not to me.”

“You’re right about one thing. I am taking money from drug cartels. It’s just not what you think. Let’s leave it at that.” He sighed and fixed his gaze on her. “My wife and kid are dead, Alexa. And I’m getting on with my life…my way.”

“Are you?” She cocked her head. “Who are you trying to convince?”

“Look, this is none of your business.”

“Yeah, I finally see that,” she said. “Thanks for the eye-opener.” She headed for the door.

“No, you don’t understand. This is too…personal. Having a kid, it wasn’t like anything I’ve ever felt.” He stopped her with the emptiness in his voice. “Love at first sight can be a powerful and consuming feeling. I never believed in it until the day my daughter was born, and I held her for the first time. That moment was so…perfect. Even now, I can smell her skin and feel her move in my arms.”

Tears drained down his cheeks. She knew he was in another place and time, and he’d taken her with him. Alexa felt his gut-wrenching pain and experienced his profound sorrow.

“It was going to be the three of us,” he said. “And all I wanted to do was protect our baby girl, but when it counted, I couldn’t do that.”

Kinkaid shut his eyes and lowered his head. She’d never seen him so lost. All she wanted to do was hold him, but out of respect for his grief and the family he had lost, she kept her distance.

“Some roads you’ve got to go down alone,” he admitted. “And I’m not ready to let go. I can’t.” He looked her in the eye. “Not even for you.”

The truth had finally surfaced. And she knew it would take time for her to accept it. She could only imagine the horror of what he’d been through. Living with the reality of such an atrocity would be hell on earth. And even if he wanted to remember them alive as he listened to their recorded voices, he’d been the first one to find their bodies. That cruel memory would haunt him—a merciless torment he didn’t deserve.

“I’m not asking for you to let go. Only you will know when it’s time to do that,” she said. “I just wish you could have trusted me with the truth.”

Alexa knew that he trusted her with his life, but beyond that, real intimacy was a precious gift that had to be earned. She wasn’t sure she deserved that kind of trust from him, but that didn’t stop her from wanting it—or needing it.

She had to accept that Kinkaid had chosen a life detached from others, and nothing she said now would convince him to change how he felt about her. And only time and her taking stock in her life would prevent the same isolation from eventually happening to her. It was a slippery slope and an easy trap to fall into in their line of work. She picked up her gear and carried it to the door before she turned one last time.

“Kate wants to see you,” she told him. “Anything you want me to tell her?”

“No, nothing.”

“You’re not going to see her again, are you?”