She took both my hands and gazed at me intently. 'Jake, look at me. Am I any different? Do I act differently?'
'No, you seem fine.'
'I am. I feel wonderful. And I'm the same Susan you knew before. Nothing's changed. I haven't lost myself in some endless ocean of consciousness. It isn't like that at all. It's… it's like being reborn.'
'I've heard that before.'
She let go my hands, leaned back and sighed. 'No. You see? I'm as inarticulate as ever.'
'I understand,' I said. 'I think.'
'It's not all that difficult to grasp.'
'By the way, where are the others?'
'Oh, they're around.' She looked over my shoulder. 'As a matter of fact…'
I turned to see Sean strolling down the garden walk. 'Jake, me boy!'
We shook hands, and he slapped my back. He seemed substantial enough; he almost fractured my spine.
'I knew you'd be back,' he said. 'We were a mite worried, though.'
'I was worried about all of you.'
'No need. We're getting on rather well.' He glanced around. 'Nice place, Susan. Very nice indeed.'
I said, 'Oh, you don't hang out here?'
'No, I have my own place. So do the others, I suspect.'
Susan nodded. 'I've been to Roland's. It's on a mountaintop.'
'Roland's a philosopher in the grand tradition,' Sean said, grinning. 'Waiting for his Zoroastrian flash of understanding. Mine's a shed in the woods. So's Liam's. Loggers to the last.'
'So,' I said. 'What you people do basically is hang out and… what, have each other over for tea?'
Sean chuckled. 'Among other things.' Sean walked to the pond's edge and surveyed the scene. 'Very nice place indeed.' Susan and I reseated ourselves.
'Tell me something, Suzie,' I said. 'Why did I have to climb a mountain to get here? If this is some Never- never-land, why couldn't you have just materialized me right here?'
'I didn't materialize you, I just let you into my space. I want people to have a sense of having traveled some to get here. Next time, though, I'll eliminate that part of it, if you like.'
'No, no,' I said. 'It was interesting. Beautiful, actually.'
'Yes, a journey is always beautiful.'
'Some of ours haven't been.'
'There've been some bad things,' she admitted. 'But it's all been an experience.'
'I suppose you can say that about anything that happens.'
'You can, but it's true.'
I looked off into the quasi-Zen rock garden. I wasn't learning much. But then, I really had stopped caring so much about finding the key to all this. I was convinced that Susan and the rest were okay, were under no compulsion or duress, and that was all I needed to know. I decided right then that if the four of them wanted to stay, I wouldn't argue with them. I was going home; if they wanted a lift, fine. If not, fine.
Still, I wondered what would become of Susan, and felt obliged to find out.
She seemed to be in tune with my thoughts. 'Jake, would you like a small taste of what it's like?'
'Is that possible?'
'Sure. I don't see why not.'
'A free home trial, no obligation?'
She giggled. 'So to speak.'
I nodded. 'Let me ask you this: Were you offered this sort af thing?'
'Uh-huh.'
'And you took Prime up on it, right?' She nodded.
'Was everyone asked to take a trial run?'
'Yes, I believe so.'
'And did anyone besides you four take it?'
Susan chewed her lip. 'You know, I don't believe anyone but us did.'
I bent over, rested my elbows on my knees, and watched a circular wave propagate across the pond. Well, I had at least one piece of evidence, circumstantial though it may have been.
'He's thinking we were hooked, Suzie,' Sean said.
Susan nodded solemnly. 'Funny that it worked out that way. But it's not true, Jake.'
After a long moment's contemplation, I said, 'There's only one way to find out.'
But I thought, should I risk it?
I turned and looked deep into Susan's eyes, trying to see through to some core of her that might have been hollowed out and filled with something that was not Susan at all. I searched, but saw nothing but the warmth, affection, and trust I had come to know was there.
'Take me for a ride,' I told her.
She smiled and took my hand. 'Let's walk,' she said, rising.
20
We walked past the pond and through more oriental gardens. Sean accompanied us.
'I'll go along with you a bit,' he said, 'if you don't mind. Then I'll be on my way.'
'Come with us, Sean,' Susan said. 'By all means.'
The gardens gave way to forest, and we climbed out of the valley. Reaching the timberline, we broke into alpine meadow. The air grew chilly, but I wasn't cold. The meadow sloped upward and ended where patches of snow lay atop gray-brown, shelves of rock. We walked laterally along the slope, crossing through colonies of mountain wildflowers, their stems bending in the wind. Cold breezes from the summit blew about us, and puffs of misty cloud scudded through a bright, silver-gray sky. The grass fluttered in waves up and down the mountain. A streak of sunlight fell across the high part of the meadow, then faded. Clouds grouped and broke apart, chased by icy fingers of wind. The smell of heather and wildflowers rode on the lean, bracing air.
Susan and I walked hand in hand, Sean to my left and a little behind us. Susan didn't seem to be leading me anyplace in particular, yet her stride had purpose in it.
'Beautiful, this place,' I said. 'Where is it? Is this someplace in space and time, or is this the Substratum?'
'This is the Substratum,' Susan told. me. 'And most of what's around us now is due to you.'
'Huh?'
'This is basically your show now, Jake. My turf petered out a little ways back.'
'Yeah?'
I didn't know what to make of that. I didn't feel in control of the situation. This place was as real as any I'd ever seen, and just as responsive to my whims and desires as the rest of the universe was, which is to say not at all.
We had traversed the windward face of a huge mountain whose peak was unseen, lost in clouds above. Now we came to a pass cutting between it and another mountaintop. We climbed a steep grade which gradually leveled off into a gravel-paved path between two steep slopes. The wind pushed at our backs, but as we began to climb again up the rockstrewn face of what apparently was a still higher mountain, it abated, replaced by stiff, cold breezes blowing down the slope and, into our faces. The going was tough; huge masses of rock reared up in our path, and we had to skirt an occasional deep crevasse.
I was beginning not to like this one bit. I was in no great physical shape, and was beginning to get tired- although, strangely, not as tired as I should have been. It was getting a little too chilly for comfort, now that I thought about it.
'Where the hell are we going?' I asked:
