Maybe I didn't want to look, for fear of seeing myself. For fear of becoming the demon that glares at you from the other side of the looking glass. I didn't feel real. This couldn't be happening.
Exactly. The whole of my experience since this paradox thing had started had been the longest nightmare on record. I could not believe in any of it. It could not be part of the stream of existence- it was a bubble in the continuum, a glittering, shimmering bubble that threw back false reflections from its prismatic surface. Prick it anywhere, and it would burst into a billion sparkling motes and vanish into the void.
Kill Moore here, now, interrupt this turning of the cycle, and it all would end. Darla was gone-no way to retrieve her. But she wouldn't have to die if she didn't meet me-if she never met me. And that's what I would do. It was the first time in my life that I was gripped by such a terrible resolve. I wanted to see Moore's blood, and I would before the night was through.
I stalked through the shadows at the rear of the Bandersnatch. I found a door with an exhaust fan over it, cooking smells coming from within. The door was unlocked, and I opened it quietly and stepped in. A man in an apron and cap was chopping cabbage at a counter along the far wall. He was preoccupied and didn't turn around as I walked through the kitchen. I stopped at the swinging door and looked out before I went through into a corridor that eventually led me to the lobby of the inn. The place was empty, and no one was behind the desk. Shouts and general jubilation came from the bar. I went behind the desk and saw a door, slightly ajar, at the end of a little hallway through an open door against the side wall. Voices within. I crept down the corridor, flattened myself against the wall, and listened.
'… Pendergast…'
It was Moore's voice. I strained to hear, inched closer to the door.
'… on the ship, but they got away. Says the monkeylooking animal has the Roadmap-has it or is it, I couldn't understand which. At any rate, he wants our help. Big money, possibly. Very big.'
'And he's right under our noses?' Another voice.
'Checked in this afternoon. Answers to the description.'
'The cops-they'll take him, then?'
'Not if we can help it. We might have to keep him on ice for a while. Thing is-there's seven of them. We can't bag them all… '
Someone was ringing the bell at the desk. I stiffened, brought the gun out of my pocket and flicked off the safety. Now was the time. But-
'I'll get it, Zack.'
'Forget that,' Moore said. 'This is important. I want you and Geof-'
The bell rang again.
'Forget it, I said! Listen to me. He'll be going through the Brotherhood ceremony. When he's out in the brush…'
I crept away. Better get rid of the customer first, then go back and do the deed.
I came out from the doorway. 'The clerk's busy now,' I said. 'You-'
It was Darla. 'I just wanted to ask-' Her mouth sagged open as the recognition slowly grew on her. 'Jake! What…' Bewildered, she looked back at the: door to the bar, then at me. Her mouth closed, and she looked at me soberly, a little fearfully. 'Jake,' she whispered. 'It's… you.'
I had frozen. Time stopped for the briefest quantum moment, — and all I could see was her face, which seemed the most beautiful thing that had ever been created.
I unfroze, jumped over the counter, took Darla's arm and led her back out through the kitchen. The cook noticed this time, and muttered something about this place not being a tram station.
Outside, I crushed Darla to my chest and kissed her. She was surprised at first, then responded.
'Darla… love,' I said.
Her eyes grew fearful again, and she drew back. 'You are Jake. You're him-I mean, it's you. You're traveling through time, somehow. Like the stories say.' She glanced back toward the inn again, then said, 'It has to be. I just saw you in the pub. I walked out, and fifteen seconds later there you are, in different clothes. I almost didn't recognize you.' She shook her head, and leaned against the trunk of the tree we stood under. 'It's almost impossible to believe.'
'One thing-remember,' I said. 'You can't say anything to-' I didn't know how to phrase it.
She nodded. 'I understand. No. He wouldn't believe it, would he? How could he, now, after I lied to him… so many times. But you know, Jake. Don't you? You know so much now. You must. And…'
'And I love you.'
She smiled and embraced me. We kissed again.
She clung to me. 'Jake, I'm scared. We're lost, Jake. But we will get back, won't we? You're back, you came back. We will get home again.'
'We're almost there, Darla, my darling.'
'Jake, dear. So short a time. I love you. I loved you from the first. You know that, now. We're caught up in this awful thing, and it just seems we'll never get free.'
'We will, we will,' I said.
'I believe you. I can't imagine how it will happen, but I believe you.'
We stood there in the enchanted night, holding each other, not speaking.
There were footsteps behind me. 'There you are,' somebody I didn't recognize said. 'Well, this is cozy. Who's this cobber?'
It was somebody vaguely familiar. Another lumberjackpossibly one Darla had been talking to in the bar. I really couldn't be sure. I had been so drunk that night… this night.
'I'll be back in just a minute,' Darla said to him. 'See you back in the Vorpal Blade.'
'Take a walk, mate,' the guy said to me.
I punched him squarely in the chops, and he went over backwards into the weeds. But I should have looked the other way.
That's always been my problem.
29
It was Liam who picked me up and shook me awake. 'Been in a punch-up, eh, Jake?' He laughed.
My head hurt like hell. I said, 'Wha?'
'You all right, man?'
'Yeah,' I said, leaning against the tree, holding my head. I couldn't believe it. This was the second time that I'd been knocked cold, on this planet, on this night. Good thing Liam had come along-what would Moore had done with two Jakes? That would have disrupted the cycle in a way that I didn't want at all. Good thing. But hadn't Liam just come from the bar? Hadn't he just seen me in there?
'Looks like it was a good whack on the head,' Liam said. 'Are you sure you're all right, Jake?'
'Yeah, just give me a minute.'
Maybe they'd already taken the other Jake out into the woods on the snipe hunt, and Liam just figured I got lost and wound up here. But how to explain the different clothes? Suddenly it dawned on me.
I looked at him. He smiled back and I knew. 'You're Liam of the Culmination, aren't you?'
'The same. Sean thought I could give you a hand. I chased Moore's lads away. I don't think they recognized you. It's dark back here.'
I nodded. I had been lucky.
Liam chuckled. 'Have you had your fill of tampering with the warp and woof of the universe?'
'Yeah. I'm leaving that warp and that woof the hell alone.' He laughed. 'There was no need of it. All's well, Jake. All's well.'
'But you can't say how all's well.'
'Not really. I couldn't give you the specifics.'
I straightened up. 'Well. Listen, thanks.'
'Are you going home now?'
