A year ago, he’d never have dreamed that he could find himself in this situation. He’d always known on an intellectual level that there were principles and beliefs worth dying for. And he’d discovered in the past eight months that there were certain events, even certain feelings, that made death preferable to going on living.
But he’d never, ever dreamed he’d meet a woman he’d be willing to die for, no questions asked, no hesitation, no doubts in his mind.
The question exploded across his mind, a comet burning bright across the black landscape of his soul. The answer followed immediately, as sure and clear as his willingness to give his life for Melina. How could it be anything else? He loved her. With every fiber of his being. Beyond all reason, without reservations, heart and soul. She knew the worst of him, and had seen his devastating weakness and fatal flaws. She’d gazed into the darkest corners of his soul, and not only had she not flinched, but she’d dared to like him, maybe even to love him a little. The sheer humanity of her acceptance of him as he was took his breath away. She was an extraordinary woman. How could he not love her?
He didn’t relish the idea of being tortured to death, and he had faith that Huayar would make him suffer to a degree he couldn’t even begin to imagine. After all, the guy was famed as an artiste at inflicting pain. But to submit himself to Huayar for Melina? Shockingly, he embraced the opportunity to show her his love.
She interrupted his train of thought. “John, what are you trying to do by martyring yourself for me? Is this about redemption? About allowing yourself to be punished for living when your men died?”
He frowned up at her. He wished there were more light to see her by. As it was, her face was a collage of shifting gray shadows. Full dawn was still several minutes away. “A few days ago, it would have been about that. But now…”
She propped herself up on his chest and stared down at him intently in the gray half-light. “Now what?”
“Now,” he paused, searching for the right words. “Now, it will be a gift. From me to you. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’ve given me peace, and that’s the greatest gift you could possibly have given me. I want to repay you. Give you something back. Something of great worth. If I can give you your family, then my death-as gruesome and painful as it might be-will have been well worth it.”
She stared in disbelief. “So you’re telling me you want to die to show me how much you care for me?”
“No. I want to give you my life to show you how much I love you.”
She lurched and he had to grab onto her and hang on tightly to keep her from heedlessly leaping to her feet and destroying their shelter.
“John Hollister, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard another human being say.”
Stung, he frowned at her. “I just declared my love for you and you’re calling me stupid?”
“Absolutely. If you love me, you big, sweet moron, then you
Stunned, he pulled back from her-as much as he could in the tight confines of their shelter-to stare at her. Live for her? A shocking concept. He’d been so focused for so long on finding a way to die, that the idea of finding a way to live felt…strange.
Which was odd, given that the entire creed of the Special Forces was to find a way to do the impossible and survive. He and his men had done their damnedest to stay alive at all times. As the team leader, it had been his job to get the mission done, but even more important in his mind had been his mission to bring his men back alive and kicking every time.
He’d been so wrapped up in his men’s deaths for all this time that he’d forgotten why it had been such a trauma to him that they died.
Maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn’t a fitting tribute to their memories for him to die, too.
He went still at the thought. Physically still, but also emotionally still. Way down deep inside him. The wild carousel he’d been riding round and round stopped whirling for just a moment of clarity.
That single moment of understanding was enough. The words all the counselors, and psychologists and his colleagues had been throwing at him to no avail finally got through. If he wanted to honor his men, then he’d go on living. He’d find a way past the impossible odds of his guilt and grief, and he’d go on. For them.
The terrible tension in Melina’s face drained away. She must have sensed the direction of his thoughts. She relaxed on top of him, still propped on her elbows, gazing down at him. That might even be the beginning of a relieved smile flirting with the corners of her mouth.
He let out a long, slow breath. “I think I get it now.”
“Praise the Lord,” she replied fervently. “I really wasn’t looking forward to trying to whack you upside the head with a heavy object. But I was about to resort to that.”
Gratitude flooded him. And something else…was that joy? That she cared enough about him to go to all this trouble? It was a humbling thought. “I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled.
She laughed under her breath. “I don’t know. I think maybe we deserve each other.”
“I have a deal to offer you,” he said soberly.
She matched his tone when she replied cautiously, “What’s that?”
“I’ll do my best to walk out of this mess alive if you will.”
She stared at him for a long time, doubt swimming in her gaze.
Usually the soul of patience, he couldn’t stand the suspense of waiting for her answer. He gave her a nudge to tip the scales his way. “I promise we’ll do our damnedest to get your family out of here safe and sound, but let’s both try to stay alive in the process.”
That did it. She nodded in quick agreement. “I don’t know if what you’re offering is possible, but I’m willing to try.”
They gazed candidly into each other’s eyes for what seemed like forever. The promise of a lifetime leaped between them, of a million tiny stitches weaving together into a single quilt that would warm them in its love until time ended. They had no need for words. There was nothing left to say. They loved one another, and they would live for each other.
Finally, reluctantly, John broke the silence. “We have a small problem.”
“What’s that?” she murmured.
“Everything I’ve done so far on this mission has been on the assumption that we were both coming up here to die.”
“And?”
“If the object is now, as you succinctly put it, for us morons to live, then we’re not exactly ideally situated to make that happen.”
She grinned down at him. “Who are you calling a moron, buddy?”
He grinned back. “Any woman who would love a wreck like me might just qualify for the title.”
She reached up to run her fingers through his thick hair. “I’m just the only one to come along who was smart enough to see the potential in you.”
“Thank God for that.” He paused, then added, “Thank God for you.”
She smiled serenely at him. “I have complete faith in you, John. You’ll figure out a way for us to rescue my family and get us out of this alive-all of us.”
He frowned. It was a tall order. After all, he’d led them right into the lion’s den. Heck, the lion’s jaws. They were under-equipped and under-manned…by a lot…for what she was asking of him. Not to mention time was short. Huayar wouldn’t wait more than a another day or so before he decided that Melina had welshed on her end of the deal. No telling what Huayar would do to her family in that event. He, for one, didn’t want to find out what the guy would do.
John gently put Melina aside and sat up. He had to think up a plan, and fast. Brute force was the last resort of the Special Forces. They’d much rather move into a scenario in complete stealth, do their job with the least possible fuss, and exit as quietly as they came, invisible and undetected. In this case, he and Melina-even assuming she knew how to handle a gun, which he highly doubted-didn’t have enough firepower between the two of them to even begin to consider any kind of frontal attack on Huayar and his men. They would have to rescue her family by pure stealth.
At the end of the day, there wasn’t much to plan. He’d park Melina somewhere nearby, safe from discovery but close enough to meet up with him and her family when they egressed the area. He’d go in alone. Since he was
