“Did you order our plane tickets,” Micah asked as the waiter placed our drinks in front of us.
“All done, I did that last night. We board on the evening of the eighteenth and then it’s just you and me and Maui for three heart pounding weeks. You’ll love our house. It’s between Hana and the Haleakala National Park. We can hike to waterfalls or snorkel off the black sand beach.”
He reached out and grasped my hand in both of his, his thumbs caressing my skin, and then he lifted it and placed a kiss on the back, “I’m glad the date changed. How about tomorrow we start looking for a house? Our house-I’d like to have one here and another one in Louisiana. We can… Leese, are you okay?”
I know an odd look had come over my face as I remembered about Friday, “Yeah, it’s just that we have an-an appointment in the morning.”
“For what? I don’t remember anything for tomorrow.”
“That would be because I sort of forgot to mention it,” I cringed.
He picked up on the cringe. “What exactly are we doing in the morning?”
“We’re going to see a doctor,” I said softly, afraid to give my words any volume, “For a consultation about- about birth control.”
His eyebrows went up, “Leese, baby, you didn’t have to do that. I can handle the birth control for a little while and then-”
“
He lifted his glass and muttered something I couldn’t hear.
“What?”
“I’ll use condoms,” he repeated, barely louder than the first time.
“I don’t want anything between us,” I stated.
“Trust me, neither do I, but as much as I can’t wait to start a family, I don’t want you to be a teenage mother.”
“This is why were going to see the doctor, she’s going to give us some-some options and besides she’s said I should have an exam before-”
“An exam? I would think an exam wouldn’t be a good idea, or even possible since you’ve never-”
“I already told her this was my first time and she didn’t seem to think it was a problem.”
Micah frowned. I could tell he didn’t like the idea at all; I was now really glad I didn’t give him the whole week to wiggle out of it. The mood for the remainder of the evening was ruined.
The next morning I was nervous, but ready to get this part over with. Micah never came out of his sour mood from when I told him what we were doing. He still thought it was ridiculous to see a doctor over something that was perfectly natural and, as he put it, something people have been doing since God put us on earth. I told him maybe people have been ‘doing it’ that long, but I haven’t and I’d feel better if he give me a little support.
Reluctantly, he agreed and we drove downtown to the doctor’s office. It actually became comical when we arrived and I watched Micah’s hulking form shrink smaller and smaller as we sat in the waiting room with three expectant mothers who all seemed to want to chat with us as to why we were there; the natural assumption being that we were in the early stages of pregnancy or trying to get pregnant.
I was never so glad to be called back when the nurse opened the door. Micah rose from his chair, but the nurse told him she’d be back to get him when the doctor was finished with me. I could feel his burning stare as I left him among the chatty mothers-to-be. I think he would have rather been facing down another hit man in a dark alley-and to have been out of bullets.
Doctor Kannova appeared to be in her late thirties, blond hair and blue-green eyes. I felt immediately comfortable with her as she spoke with me for a few minutes in the exam room. I told her my fears about the pill and the negative effects that my mother went through with it, but she didn’t seem overly concerned.
“So the wedding is in six weeks and this is your first time. Do you have any other methods you are leaning toward? Have you done any research into birth control?”
“Yes, but to be honest what I want seems a little confusing.”
“What’s that?”
“I’d like to try the rhythm method at first, just at least for our first few nights, but I don’t know what we should do beyond that.”
“That may not be so easy. The rhythm method requires you to have very good records about your cycle and-”
“I keep a calendar every month. I can show you exactly how my cycles run.”
“But are they regular? Most young women-”
“I’m like clockwork, every 28 days on the nose and I don’t even vary by a day.”
“Well, that certainly helps, but it’s such a small window of opportunity and I don’t know if that ‘window’ will be open August 15th. But let’s not worry about that right now. I’m going to need you to remove all your clothing and put on this robe, opening in the rear. I’ll be back when your changed.”
“Doctor Kannova, I do have a question,” I asked, stopping her before she could go out the door. I knew this question was the crux of Micah’s fears about today. “My fiance seems to think an exam isn’t possible since I’m a virgin. I honestly think he’s worried I won’t be one after the exam, but he won’t tell me that.”
She smiled broadly, “Leese, you have a period every month; it flows out of your body. There will be an opening, however small for me to complete the exam. I’m not doing a pap smear or anything like that so you don’t need to worry. Most young women by the time they reach your age actually don’t have a hymen left to prevent intercourse, but I’m very careful and I promise you I’m not going to ruin anything for either one of you. You’ll be fine.”
I was comfortable, up until the point where I was sitting on that stupid exam table with the even stupider paper gown that didn’t want to stay shut. Now I was having serious regrets about my ‘I’ve got to learn all about birth control,’ moment.
She returned to the room with a nurse, “Okay, we’re going to start with a breast exam. Lean back on the table for me. Do you do a regular check for lumps or irregularities in your breasts?”
“No, but I know it’s something I need to learn.”
She opened the gown but stopped immediately when she saw the scar on my chest, “You’ve had a recent injury?”
“It’s a-a gunshot wound,” I said quickly.
“I wondered if you were the young woman that had been on the news. I know your mother, but I wasn’t sure if you were the person all the stories were about.”
“That would be me,” I sighed, wondering if she would recognize Micah’s name from the news as well. But she went right back to being professional and no more was mentioned.
We went through the exam and she explained how to start at the nipple and work my way out in a small circular pattern to feel for problems. She discussed selecting a time each month for making this a routine for the rest of my life. That wasn’t so bad. Maybe this exam business wasn’t so tough after all. But, then she went to the other end of the table.
Doctor Kannova smiled as she asked me to relax. The stirrups came out and she placed my heels in them. I couldn’t help being nervous by this point.
“You’ll have to part your legs, Leese,” she stated as her chilly gloved hands touched the outside cheeks on my buttocks, “and I’ll need you to scoot down toward me.”
Suddenly I had a feeling that a gynecological exam before my wedding night wasn’t the best of ideas. Although I was unwilling, I obeyed her request and tried to relax.
Her fingers were probing gently at first and then firmly.
“That’s uncomfortable,” I managed to say, through my clinched teeth.
“Leese, have you ever tried to do any sexual exploration on your-”
“No,” I cut her off.
“I’m going to try to take a measurement on something; it may be uncomfortable.”
“It’s already uncomfortable, Doc.”
“I know, but I need you to lie very still.”
Within a few moments she was asking her nurse to bring in her sonogram machine. “I don’t know if I can get a shot of this, but it’s worth looking at.”
I was wondering what she could possibly be discussing. What was so unusual that she needed an internal picture? Now I was going beyond nervous. Was something wrong with me?
