His lips flattened into a thin line of disgust. 'I gathered as much from what you told me the night we had dinner at your place.'
The man was very astute, because she hadn't directly mentioned the way her mother had treated her.
'For as long as I can remember, my weight and the way I looked was a problem for my mother. I can recall as early as the age of five the difference in the way my mother would treat me and Jillian. Especially out in public. If we were walking through a grocery store or mall, my mother would always hold Jillian's hand and I'd end up behind them a few feet, by myself.'
Kayla also remembered the way Jillian would glance over her shoulder during those times, her expression so heartbreakingly sad, because even at that young age she understood the pain their mother's actions had caused Kayla. And neither one of them could do a damn thing about their mother's blatant favoritism.
'People would stop and exclaim about what a beautiful child Jillian was,' Kayla went on, not meeting Jack's gaze because she didn't want to see the pity that might be present in his eyes. 'And my mother would go on about all the pageants Jillian had won, and never once acknowledged my presence, or the fact that I was her daughter, too. At least not until we were in the car and out of hearing range of other people. Then my mother would give me a lecture about my weight, and how I could get the same kind of attention if I'd just make an effort to take care of myself and watch what I ate.'
She laughed, but the sound lacked humor. 'The funny thing is, food became a source of comfort for me. The more my mother tried to deny me food, or put me on a strict diet, the more I'd sneak into the kitchen for ice cream and cookies, and buy candy from school. It was a horrible, vicious cycle.'
'What about your father?' Jack asked, and boosted himself up to sit on the stainless-steel countertop. 'Wasn't he around to witness all this?'
'When he was home from work, my father tried to make up for my mother's derogatory comments. But he really didn't have any idea just how bad it was.' She realized just how much of her past she was revealing to Jack, more than she'd ever shared with anyone before. Opening herself up to him this way felt both liberating and frightening at the same time. 'And then when they divorced, my mother got full custody of both me and Jillian, and I only saw him during the summer months.'
He clasped his hands between his wide-spread thighs. 'Where is your mother now?'
'She died a few years ago.' An ending that had come with much relief, along with an enormous amount of pain because she'd never been able to please her mother. She'd often wondered if her mother would have been proud of the success she'd made of Pure Indulgence, or if she would have found a way to criticize her choice of career because of the way it would contribute to her weight problem.
She'd never know and, in a way, Kayla was glad, because her business was the one positive, reliable thing she could count on in her life. And she liked that it was hers, and hers alone, without any painful criticism or memories linked to it. There was more to her story, and since she'd come this far, she decided she ought to go for broke, to lay all the cards out on the table for Jack so he knew exactly what he was dealing with.
'As Jillian and I grew older, it wasn't just my mother who tried to pit us against each other emotionally. In high school, boys constantly compared the two of us and would ask me why I wasn't as hot as my sister, and why I was so fat when she was so skinny.'
She drew a shuddering breath and risked a glance at Jack, who was waiting patiently for her to continue. 'Needless to say, I didn't date much in high school, or even when I went off to college. The men I met were completely into physical looks, and I just didn't have what it took to turn their heads.'
'I agree it's pretty shallow, but most guys in college are out for a fun time, not anything serious.'
She concurred with his comment, but it didn't change the fact that a lack of self-confidence had been her constant companion during those years. It also made her wonder if that's how he felt about the women he dated. Women like Gretta. Fun and nothing serious.
If that was the case, what category did that put her into?
'I guess at some point I got tired of being overlooked and missing out on all the fun.' She crossed her arms over her chest, recognizing it for the defensive gesture it was, but she couldn't seem to help herself. 'I went on a crash diet my senior year of college and I lost twenty pounds, and it was amazing the interest I attracted after that.'
Her tone held a slight sarcastic note she couldn't hide. 'That's when I met a guy named Doug, who was amazingly charming, good-looking, and totally into me. We dated for a year, until I gradually started gaining my weight back and he issued me an ultimatum to go on a diet, or we were through.'
Jack visibly winced at Doug's thoughtless and uncompromising demand. 'That was pretty crappy.'
It had been devastating at the time, but a lesson learned. 'Needless to say, that was the end of that relationship. I let my body stabilize at a weight I'm not constantly fighting and came to the decision that this is who I am and always will be, and I'm not about to change that for any man again.'
'You shouldn't have to.'
'No, you wouldn't think so, but so many of the men that I've met are looking for a beautiful, slender, sexy woman to have hanging on their arm.'
He hopped down from the table and moved closer, his gaze holding hers. 'You can't keep judging all men by the actions of a few, Kayla.'
The underlying meaning to his words, his gentle voice, the intense look in his eyes made her want to believe that he was different.
'What about the women you date, like Gretta?' she said, and couldn't believe those words had slipped out of her mouth. But now that they were between them, she couldn't stop. 'Can you deny that she's beautiful and slender and sexy? The perfect arm candy?'
Jack felt taken aback by Kayla's unexpected question, but could tell his answer was very important to her. To them. He considered his reply, knowing he had to tread carefully and not come on too strong, too soon, about his feelings for her. This was a fragile, vulnerable moment for Kayla, and since the emotions he was feeling were completely foreign to him, he hoped he was able to give her what she needed from him.
'On the outside, yes, Gretta is all those things.' She glanced away, but not before he saw the pained look flash across her features.
Gently, he tucked his finger beneath her chin and brought her gaze back to his, forcing her to look deep into his eyes for the answers she sought. They were all there for her to see and find, if only she'd give him a chance.
'I've dated women like her because it was easy to maintain my distance and keep my emotions out of the relationship,' he admitted, needing her to understand. 'I knew they only wanted me for my money, and since I had no time for anything deeper in a relationship, women like Gretta were convenient and always around. But when you start looking for something real and lasting, you begin to look past the packaging and see what's inside. Gretta, like others, fell short there.'
And that's exactly where he was in his life. Where he was with Kayla. Unfortunately she didn't understand he liked her body just fine and was equally taken by her generous heart.
Her gaze shimmied with confusion and hope, and he decided that he had to let her come to her own conclusions about herself, and them. That nothing he could say or do would ease those insecurities of hers. She had to trust in her feelings if she wanted things to work between them, and she had to trust in him. On her own, without his constant coaxing.
He let his hand fall away from her face, though he ached to draw her into his arms and kiss away every last one of her doubts. He knew if Jillian hadn't made her appearance at Pure Indulgence he would have made love to Kayla tonight. All the signs had been there, the desire and hunger. But now, after their serious conversation, it just wasn't the right time. She had things to think about, and so did he.
'What do you say we close up the shop and call it a night?' he suggested.
She nodded jerkily and stepped away from him. 'That's a good idea.'
He waited while she put away his file for Tremaine's Downtown in her office and returned with her purse and keys in hand. Together, they locked up the bakery and he walked her to her car. Once there, he opened the driver's door for her, then brushed a soft, chaste kiss across her lips that lingered longer than he'd intended.
God, not pulling her into a passionate embrace took every ounce of willpower he possessed.
He lifted his head, rubbed his hands up and down her arms affectionately, and summoned a smile. 'I'll see you Friday night for the art gallery show.'
