During the course of the past few nights it had been Gina who'd served him and Bobby their drinks, while Natalie handled a different section of the lounge. The times he came face-to-face with Natalie their conversations were friendly and polite, and he could have sworn he'd seen longing darkening her gaze. Or maybe it was all wishful thinking on his part.
All she had to do was say the word and he was hers, but so far she'd held true to her resolve to return their relationship back to the status quo of acquaintances. And he knew he had no one to blame for her decision but himself. He'd made the choice to entangle her in a fabrication that had destroyed any chance they might have had of a future together.
'Hey, Noah, it's your shot,' Bobby said, snapping him out of his depressing thoughts and back to the game of pool at hand. 'You've got solids.'
Noah gave the front of the establishment one last quick glance for Natalie, who hadn't yet started her shift though it was nearly 7:00 p.m. Gina was working part of the lounge, while another waitress who usually worked a different shift covered the other section of the bar. Blowing out a tight breath tinged with frustration, he returned his attention to the placement of the billiard balls on the table. He lined up his cue, made the shot and completely missed the pocket he was aiming for.
He swore beneath his breath, though he wasn't surprised that he'd missed his mark. His game sucked lately.
Bobby lifted an amused brow his way. 'Are you sure you don't want to trade in that soda you're drinking for a beer to loosen you up a bit?'
A wry grin canted the corners of Noah's mouth. 'I doubt a few beers will cure what ails me.'
Bobby leaned against his cue stick and studied Noah for a long moment before coming to his own conclusion about his friend's mood. 'Man, you're in way over your head with Natalie, aren't you?'
Gina made her way to the back of the establishment and breezed by their table. 'Either of you need a refill?' she asked.
'I'm fine,' Bobby said, then made his shot, sinking two striped balls into two separate pockets.
'I'm good, too,' Noah added, then dredged up the one question he knew Gina could answer for him. 'Is Natalie off tonight?'
Gina cleared a nearby table and wiped down the surface. 'I guess you could say that,' she murmured.
Noah frowned, sensing much more to Gina's comment. 'What do you mean by that?'
She glanced at him, searching his expression, then shook her head. 'You don't know, do you?'
Witnessing the rueful look in Gina's eyes, Noah's stomach twisted into a knot of apprehension. 'Know what?'
Gina hesitated, then finally said, 'Natalie turned in her resignation this afternoon.'
'She quit?' he asked incredulously. '
Gina chewed on her bottom lip, as if uncertain she should divulge any more information. She must have seen his desperation, because she finally put him out of his misery. 'She told Murphy that she's moving.'
A fresh wave of panic reared inside of him. 'To where?'
Genuine regret filled Gina's eyes. 'I honestly don't know, Noah.'
'Order up, Gina,' Murphy called from the service area, and she gave Noah a soft 'I'm sorry' before hurrying over to the bar to pick up her drinks and deliver them.
Noah scrubbed a hand along his taut jaw and stared at Bobby, as if he could make sense of what was happening. 'Where in the hell would she move to?'
'I have no idea what goes on in the minds of most women. Maybe you should ask Natalie for yourself,' Bobby suggested pragmatically.
Did he even have the right to question her choices? Noah wondered. After all she'd been through, after all he'd put her through, didn't she deserve to make the kind of decisions she felt were the best for her future? Even if that meant he wasn't a part of it?
Bobby came up beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. 'Don't let her go without telling her how you really feel. If you don't at least try to bridge the gap between the two of you, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.'
The profundity of his friend's words of wisdom made Noah curious. 'Are you speaking from personal experience?'
Bobby shrugged, neither confirming or denying the direct question. 'Just trust me on this, Noah. If she's the woman you love, then fight for her.'
Noah had never been put in such a position before, having to win the affection of a woman. But then, he'd never wanted a woman as much as he needed Natalie in his life. And how ironic was it that he'd protected his emotions for so long, only to fall for the one woman who remained elusive to him?
He'd watched Joelle and Cole struggle with the same fears and doubts not that long ago. He'd even helped them to recognize the weaknesses that had prevented them from grasping happiness together. What Noah hadn't admitted to himself was that he'd been afflicted with the same insecurities as a result of his shaky childhood.
The scared little boy in him who'd faced so much rejection and pain in the past had kept him from laying his soul on the line the morning Chad had attacked Natalie. As hard as it was for him to admit, he'd been scared of taking a personal gamble that would leave him emotionally vulnerable. Then and there, he should have been brave enough to tell Natalie exactly how he felt about her, as Bobby had suggested. With the return of her memory, she needed to understand that his feelings for her were real, and not a part of some pretense designed to protect her.
Now that he had distance from the situation, it wasn't difficult for him to recognize that they were both running from a lifetime of tragic memories. They each harbored a fear of intimacy, feared trusting another person with their heart and soul. And yet he trusted Natalie with his life. He wanted her for keeps and forever, and he wasn't going to hide behind a painful past any longer when she was everything he'd ever dreamed of, and so much more. And that meant taking chances-like finally buying her the engagement ring she deserved. A symbol of his belief in her, and an eternal commitment to them as a couple. It was time he faced his own fears and took a risk with his emotions, and with Natalie.
He had nothing left to lose, except his heart.
Natalie stood in the center of her studio apartment Saturday morning, unable to believe that her entire life could be packed into only half a dozen boxes. That was the extent of the personal belongings she'd collected over the years. She still had a few breakable items she needed to wrap up, but other than that, she was nearly set to leave Oakland and start out fresh-yet again.
Her chest squeezed tight with heartache, a reaction she should have grown used to the past week without Noah, but one that only seemed to get worse with each day that passed. She hoped the distance of her move would help ease her misery. By Monday she would be gone, a memory to all who'd touched her life so briefly, yet so profoundly.
An overwhelming sadness washed over her, and she immediately chastised herself for wallowing in grief. She was used to being on her own, and she wasn't a stranger to starting over. Being raised in a multitude of foster homes had conditioned her to being resilient, and taught her not to get too attached to any one person or any particular place.
With the onslaught of her amnesia, all the rules she'd lived by for so long had been forgotten. She hadn't remembered that she needed to protect her emotions from Noah, which had allowed another part of her personality to develop and blossom. She'd been open and uninhibited with him, and her sense of freedom with Noah had felt so liberating. And while so many men through the years, Chad included, had treated her like a sex object with long legs and big breasts, she'd never once felt as though her body was the key factor in Noah's interest. He'd been noble until she'd seduced him, genuinely concerned about her safety, and so incredibly caring, sweet and tender.
He'd set her confined soul free, in a way she'd never imagined possible. In a way that began and ended with
