“Could be,” she answered quickly. “Could be someone we haven’t even considered. Someone else who might have access to Dominic’s computer.”
“The secretary,” Mark muttered.
“Who?”
“Serena. Remember Ford thought it was possible that she might know Dominic’s password. He said he gave it to her occasionally, but then would change it. Maybe the last time he forgot.”
“Guess that means we need to talk to Serena.”
“Guess that means
“Am not.” She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest in defiance.
“Are too,” he said before he could stop himself.
“Am not.”
“Are too.” Make that forty-sixty.
“Am not.”
He snapped his mouth shut and struggled for patience. After all, he was not five years old. “Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
This, he decided, was going to be a long night.
Chapter 15
“What time is it?”
“Early,” Dominic answered in a quiet whisper. “Go back to sleep.”
“I can’t. I keep thinking.”
Thinking about leaving him? Loving him? He wanted to ask but he didn’t want the answer. Forty-eight hours ago he’d been ready to walk out on her, tucked safely back in her tower where none of the ugliness of his past or present could touch her. Now he wanted to enfold her inside him so she would never not be a part of him.
He hated feeling this way. Hated how freaking vulnerable it left him, but he had no choice now. She’d cracked something open and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to close it.
Hated the feeling, yes, but he couldn’t hate her. Not when she was nestled against his side, her hand over his heart, her lips every so often brushing a kiss against his puckered nipple.
“When do you think we’ll make it back to Half Moon Bay?”
Not thinking about him at all, but about the situation instead. He wasn’t sure if he was annoyed or not. “Two more days. Less if we drive straight through.”
“I want this over.”
Understatement of the year. He knew his reasons, but what were hers?
She loved him. She’d said it. Twice. But she also said there were times she didn’t want to and he wondered how strong her will was. Could she force her feelings to change? Direct them to behave?
He hadn’t been able to. That’s why when he’d left her that night after they fought, he had been certain that he couldn’t stay with her. He wouldn’t be able to control his emotions as he’d hoped. It couldn’t be halfway. Not with her. He’d plan to cut her out. Eject her from every pore of his body. It was the only way.
Just as he’d done in prison. All feelings, all emotions gone. It was how he survived. When he finally got out, it had been easier to keep going that way. To keep himself apart from everyone.
But then Nora showed up and made him laugh. Denny continued to need protecting. And Steven. Steven had felt like a friend. Little by little, year by year, they had made him ready, he realized. So that when he met Caroline the crack in his impenetrable defenses that had been forming and growing larger had just burst open. Busted so wide, so fast that it had scared the hell out of him and he’d wanted to close it off.
Not without good reason, either.
Denny was dead. Steven was most likely his killer and Dominic’s enemy, and Caroline didn’t want to love him. Plus he couldn’t imagine how funny Nora would be when they met up again. He wondered if their secret had been revealed with his past’s unveiling. Dominic could only speculate what kind of trouble that might cause her at work.
Shut it down. Seal it up. Close it off and don’t think about anything. Life as a zombie. Dominic remembered what it felt like to live that way and was surprised at how much he didn’t want to go back. Despite the pain that came with letting people in.
Caroline turned slightly and he could feel her shifting and sliding along his body. He felt his penis stiffen and adjusted his hips so she wouldn’t bump his erection. There was no reason to advertise his arousal when he knew she couldn’t possibly be interested again.
He’d been rough earlier. Too demanding for her slight body. She’d practically collapsed in his arms when it was over. He closed his eyes and recalled the feeling of coming inside her. It had rocked his body from his spine to his toes and back again. He thought their sex had been good before, but he hadn’t been prepared for the rush of pleasure that hit him. He’d never before gotten off so much on the idea of filling someone up with himself.
“I didn’t use a condom,” he blurted.
“Hmm?”
Her lips moved and this time she kissed the spot just above his brown nipple. He wondered if she was going to suck on it and felt himself grow harder. Clamping down on his desire he said, “Before. I didn’t use a condom.”
She sat up and the sheet slid from her body. Instinctively his hand covered her exposed breast. “We haven’t used one from the beginning.”
He had to pull his hand away, let her softness go. As his fingers brushed her, he found her nipple was hard, too. “That was before when we were trying to start a family.”
“You don’t want that anymore,” she said, her head low, her voice tight.
“You do?” he asked, stunned.
“I…”
He watched her open her mouth as she searched for words, but eventually she had no answer. He didn’t blame her. “You don’t have to say anything. I understand.”
She stared at him, but in the darkened room he couldn’t make out her expression.
“What do you think you understand?”
“I’m an ex-con, for one.”
“I don’t care about that,” she replied instantly.
“You should,” he said and thought he saw her body jerk. “Not that you need to worry about the unprotected sex. I know the stories about prison. Hell a lot of them are true. But nothing ever…I mean, that wasn’t a problem for me. Mostly because of the reputation I established as a son of a bitch. I didn’t do drugs, didn’t use needles. Anyway, I was tested when I got out. For everything. Just because I had to know I was clean.”
She rested a hand on his face. “I know you. You would never put me at risk.”
“It goes beyond that, Caroline. My past won’t be something I’ll be able to hide anymore. It will affect my work, how people deal with me. It will permeate everything. It’s why I worked so hard to leave it behind. That stain will follow me. You’ll be married to an ex-con. Your child’s father will be an ex-con. It never goes away.”
“That stain is there only if you let it be. I don’t see it.”
He wished he suffered from her naivete. “Caroline, I’m not getting you pregnant. At least not now, with things so uncertain.”
She rolled away from him and lay flat on her back, the sheet pulled up to her neck.
He’d upset her, but he also knew that his argument was sound. Getting her pregnant before all of this was resolved was not an option. Leaving a child while he went off to jail definitely was not going to happen. If they made it, if they could find a way, then maybe. But only when he was certain she understood what it meant to be with a man who had a past.
“Why did you pick me?” Caroline asked after a moment.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“From the other applicants. Why did you pick me? And don’t tell me it was because of my career being suited to
