“Uh-huh. They’re so beautiful. My babies.”
“Yes, they are,” Crystal agreed. “And they need you.”
“They need me.” A sob escaped from Amber’s throat. “I’m not a good mommy.”
“You’re a fine mommy.” Sometimes. Most of the time. At least when Zane wasn’t in town.
“I’m not,” Amber disagreed. “But you’re great. You’re the best auntie in the world.”
Her words were close enough to Larry’s that Crystal’s chest started to burn. Larry was gone. He was out of her life, and she had to find a way to carry on.
“You should sleep,” she managed to say around the lump in her throat.
“I can’t sleep. I’m so messed up, Crystal.”
It was the second time Amber had used that phrase, and a horrible thought crept into Crystal’s mind.
“You didn’t do anything…Uh, something other than alcohol, did you?”
“A little weed.”
“Amber!”
“Just a little. I was sooo…” She drew out the word. “Zane wanted to, and he was mad. Oh, Crystal. He’s mad. He left. He said…”
Crystal battled the urge to rush over to her sister’s house. But the kids were asleep, and Zane was gone. And if her state was anything to go by, Amber would soon fall asleep as well. Jennifer had her own cell phone. She’d call if she needed help.
“Amber?”
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
“No, honey. You’re not stupid. You need to get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.”
“Zane says I am.”
“Zane is stupid. And he’s gone. Did you lock your door?”
“Isss locked.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yep.”
“Check for me, okay?”
“I’m standing up-whoops-again.”
The sound of fumbling and tapping came through the phone.
“All locked up,” said Amber.
“The deadbolt and chain?”
“Yep.”
“Good.”
More rustling. “I love you, Crystal.”
“I love you, too. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“He’s gone,” Amber sighed.
“That’s a good thing,” said Crystal. “You don’t need him. I want you to lie down.”
“Lying down. He’s gone.” And her voice faded away.
“He’s gone,” Crystal repeated, thinking of Larry, hitting the off button on the phone. Her eyes instantly welled up with fresh tears.
AT FOUR IN THE MORNING, Larry was a raw mass of pain. He knew he’d done the right thing, but he also knew that if he stuck around Charlotte, he’d be rushing back to Crystal, begging for her forgiveness before the day was out.
He threw some clothes into his suitcase, sent an e-mail to his assistant, asking him to stop by and water the plants, then he checked the weather report to make sure he could land at Myrtle Pond.
His cell phone rang and, for a frightening moment, he thought it was Crystal. He hated the way his heart lifted, and he knew he wouldn’t have the strength to tell her goodbye a second time. But it was his brother’s number on the display. Dean, who knew full well Larry was always up by four.
He pressed the talk button. “What’s up?”
Dean’s voice was hoarse. “You haven’t, by any chance, heard from Patsy?”
“What?”
“She never came back to the track. And she didn’t come home last night.”
Patsy would normally take the team plane back to Charlotte. But if she was avoiding Dean, she might have found another way home.
“Maybe she’s on her way,” said Larry. “Maybe she booked a commercial flight.”
“Yeah,” said Dean. “That’s probably it.”
“Did you try her cell?”
“I left a few messages.”
“Dean,” Larry paused. “How bad is this?”
His brother was silent for a few beats. “I think she might have left me.”
“For refusing to retire?” That didn’t sound like Patsy.
“I said some things to her Saturday night.” Another pause. “It was our biggest fight. Ever. We both lost our tempers…”
Larry stepped back in. “Maybe she just needs a day or so. She loves you.”
“Maybe,” said Dean, but he didn’t sound convinced. “Will you call me? If you hear from her?”
“Of course,” said Larry. “Have you talked to Kent?”
“Yeah. We’re trying to keep this quiet. We don’t want the tabloids getting wind of it. Do you mind checking with Crystal? She and Patsy seemed close on the weekend.”
Larry hesitated. “That’s not a real good idea.”
“Why? Is she there? If she’s there-”
“I can’t call Crystal.”
“Why not?”
“Because we broke up last night.”
There was silence on the other end. “You-”
“Don’t say a thing,” Larry warned. “Not a thing. I’m going to Myrtle Pond for a few days. I’ll call you if I hear from Patsy.”
“Thanks. Larry?”
“Yeah?”
“Hang in there.”
Larry shut off the phone.
He pictured Crystal’s laughing face.
He could get in his car. Drive to her house. Get down on his knees and beg her forgiveness. Tell her he’d stay with her every day, hour and minute if she’d let him.
Or he could fly to Myrtle Pond and let her find another man and get on with her life.
His hands curled into fists. He clenched his jaw. Then he cursed a blue streak while slamming the lid down on his suitcase.
CRYSTAL SLEPT FITFULLY FROM five until eight. Rufus, drawn by her sobs, had parked himself on the foot of her bed. She woke up with red, puffy eyes and a throbbing headache, having spent most of the night alternating between missing Larry and examining the sorry state of her life.
In the wee hours, she’d come to the conclusion she was as bad as Amber, pinning her aspirations and self- worth on a man. She suddenly realized she’d been living in limbo for years, ever since Simon died. Not that her future had stretched out rosy with Simon; she truly would have divorced him. But afterward, she might also have pulled herself up by her bootstraps.
What did she think she was doing? Living above her parents’ business, flitting from writing to parts driving and back again? There was a very real possibility Jennifer and David were going to need her again soon. That meant she had to be in a position to take care of them. And it could be for weeks or months this time.
She could no longer afford to drift through life.
She’d cataloged her weaknesses, which were many. And Larry was going to be a hollow ache in her body for a long time to come.
