I licked my lips and tried to think of something to say. Nothing came out.
'Just go,' she said after a moment. 'Just go and never come back.'
I looked at Koichiro. He was still smiling at me, not understanding.
'What about Koichiro?' I said.
'When he's old enough, I'll tell him you're dead. That's what I was planning to do anyway, after tonight. And you are. You really are.' She turned and took him back inside without another word.
I stood there for a long time, watching the building, thinking maybe she would come out again, and I could explain better, or she could, or maybe in some other way we could make it as though none of this had really happened. I hadn't killed her father, I hadn't continually brought danger onto her and our son, she hadn't betrayed me to men who two hours earlier had tried to gut me in some airport toilet stall.
But she didn't come. And it all did happen.
I'd been ready to do anything to protect them, even suicide. I should have realized Midori would be willing to go at least that far.
I watched the building longer. Eventually I started to shiver. Finally I turned to go. It was strange to think how close my son was, and yet now how impossibly far.
53
I took a train to D.C. and spent a few sleepless hours in a motel there. I was reasonably sure the police in New York would have pictures of me from JFK video cameras. The pictures wouldn't be great, but I didn't want to take chances. New York area airports would be a bit hot for me for a while.
The next morning, I caught a flight to Los Angeles, and from there to Tokyo. I was only going back to see Tatsu. And for the money from Wajima.
By the time the plane took off from LAX, I was exhausted enough to sleep. I stayed down for almost the entire flight. It was much better than facing my wakeful thoughts.
It was getting dark when we landed. It felt like I was beginning to live in perpetual night.
When I was clear of customs at Narita, I turned on the Japanese cell phone. I had three messages waiting. Christ, I was going to need a damn secretary.
The first two were from Dox and Delilah, trying to reach me. The third was Kanezaki. He just said, 'Call me.'
I didn't want to, but it might have been something operational. I input his number.
'Hey,' he said after one ring, recognizing who it was from the caller ID display.
'You called?' I asked.
'Yeah. Dox gave me back the equipment. And he briefed me. Nice work.'
'If you're about to tell me I owe you a favor,' I said, my tone dangerously flat, 'you're picking a bad time.'
'It's not that at all. It's about Tatsu.'
My jaw tightened. 'What is it?'
'I went to see him today, like you told me. He's not good.'
'Yeah, no shit.'
He paused, then said, 'You want to tell me what the hell's up your ass?'
His gumption surprised me, and I couldn't help smiling. 'I would, but it would take too long.'
He said, 'Anyway, I was just calling to tell you. I know you probably already know and were probably already going to see him, but I thought I should say something just in case.'
I nodded. 'All right. Thank you.'
'There's something else. You've probably heard.'
'What?'
'Our old friend Yamaoto Toshi just died. Complications in the hospital after being treated for gunshot wounds.'
'Really.'
'Yeah. I couldn't help wondering whether it was actually some kind of assisted suicide.'
'I wouldn't know. He had a lot of enemies.'
He chuckled. 'We should talk,' he said. He paused, then added, 'No obligation.'
I took the Narita Express to Tokyo Station. I checked into a business hotel, where I showered, shaved, and changed my clothes. I went out to find a liquor store, and then to see Tatsu.
The bodyguard let me in. Tatsu's daughter was there again, holding his grandson, sitting by the bed. So was a nice-looking older woman who must have been Tatsu's wife.
