gravy train. And vice versa. What a swing!'
Lorna Weinberg smiled. I smiled back. She patted her father's hand and looked at him with exasperated fondness. 'Dad's a fanatic, and a hyperbolic personality. He loves to classify people with colloquialisms. You must forgive him.' She said it lovingly, but with the slightest air of condescension to her father—and of challenge to me.
Big Sid laughed, but I took the challenge. 'That's an interesting perception, Miss Weinberg. Are you a psychologist?'
'No, I'm an attorney. And you?'
'I'm a police officer.'
'In L.A.?'
'Yes.'
Lorna smiled guardedly. 'Are you as good at police work as you are at golf?'
'I'm better.'
'Then you're a double threat.'
'That's a colloquialism you'd better elaborate on.'
'Touche.' Lorna Weinberg's eyes bored in on me. They were dancing with a bitter mirth. 'I'm a deputy district attorney, for the city of Los Angeles. We have the same employer. I would rather be a deputy public defender, but that's the rub of the green, as Dad would say. I deal with policemen every day—and I don't like them. They see too little and arrest too often. What they can't understand or won't accept, they arrest or beat up. The jails in Los Angeles are full of people who don't belong there. My job is to prepare cases for the grand jury. I wade through tons of reports from overzealous detectives. Frankly, I see myself as watchdog on arrest-crazy police agencies. This gets me a lot of flak from my colleagues, but they accept me, because I'm damn good at what I do, and because I save them a lot of work.'
I breathed it all in, and gave what I hoped would pass for an ironic grin: 'So you don't like cops,' I said. 'Big deal. Most people don't. Would you rather have anarchy? There's only one answer, Miss Weinberg. This is not the best of all possible worlds. We have to accept that, and get on with the administration of justice.'
Big Sid noted the fire in his daughter's eyes, and hurried off in the direction of the bar, embarrassed by the intensity of our conversation.
Lorna did not relent. 'I can't accept that, and I won't. You can't change human nature, but you can change the law. And you can weed out some of the sociopaths who carry badges and guns.
'For example, my father told me you were curious about that man who caddied for you today. I know about him. He's one of your victims. An attorney who's a member of this club once represented Dirt Road Dave in his suit against the Los Angeles Police Department. During the Depression he had stolen some food from a grocery. Two policemen saw him do it and chased him, and when they finally caught him they were angry. They beat him unconscious with their billy clubs. Dave suffered internal hemorrhaging and almost died. He sustained irreparable brain damage. The A.C.L.U. sued your police department, and lost. Cops are above the law and can do what they please. Abe Dolwitz, the attorney, looks after Dave somewhat, but Dave's only lucid half the time. I imagine the other half of the time is a nightmare for him. Do you understand what I'm saying?'
'I understand that you're moving into areas way beyond your bailiwick, counselor. I understand that your opinion of cops is academic and one-sided and removed from the daily context we work in. I understand your compassion, and I understand that the problems you've described are insoluble.'
'How can you be so jaded?'
'I'm not. I'm just realistic. You said that cops see too little and arrest too much. It's the opposite with me. I'm in the job for what I see, not the crummy salary I make.'
Lorna Weinberg dropped her voice condescendingly: 'I find that very hard to believe.'
I dropped mine to match hers. 'I don't really care, counselor. But one question. You called me a '
Lorna sighed. 'It keeps people from thinking about the important things in life.'
'It also keeps them from thinking about the unimportant things,' I countered. She shrugged. We were even. I got up to go, chancing a parting shot: 'If you hate golf so much, why do you come to this club?'
'Because they have the best food in L.A.'
I laughed, and took Lorna Weinberg's hand casually. 'Good day, Miss Weinberg.'
'Good day, Officer,' Lorna said, her voice now richly ironic.
I found Big Sid, thanked him for the pleasure of his golfing company, and promised to call him soon for another game. Big Sid's offer of friendship was touching, but my encounter with Lorna Weinberg left me feeling aggressive and enervated.
I picked up my clubs and walked out to the parking lot to look for my car. It wasn't in the main lot for members, or the one for club employees. I walked out the gate onto Pico. Wacky was getting to be too unreliable to trust.
I crossed the street, deciding to kill time by taking a walk around the outskirts of the 20th Century-Fox studio. I walked north, past a large expanse of vacant lots.
The sky was darkening, black clouds competing for primacy with a brilliant blue sky. I hoped for rain. Rain was a good catalyst. It was good to look for women on rainy nights—they seemed more vulnerable and open when foul weather raged.
I was almost up to Olympic when I spotted my red and white '47 Buick in an alley behind the studio's prop department. It was rocking and there were moans coming from inside. I walked up and peered in the driver's side window. It was fogged from heavy breathing, but I could still plainly see Wacky and Siddell Weinberg writhing in a hot nude embrace.
I felt the perfect calm that settles on me when I get very angry. I took a 5 iron out of my bag and opened the door of the car. 'Police officer!' I called as Wacky and Siddell started to shriek and attempted to cover themselves. I didn't let them. I poked my 5 iron roughly between them, probing, kneading, and pushing at where they were joined. 'Get the fuck out of my car, you stupid shitheads!' I screamed. 'Now! Get out! Get the fuck
Somehow they disengaged themselves and tumbled out the door. Siddell was sobbing and trying to cover her breasts with her arms. I threw their clothes out after them, and hurled Wacky's holstered .38 and handcuffs over the fence into the prop department. As he tried to pull on his pants I kicked him hard in the ass.
'Don't fuck with me, you asshole! Don't fuck with my career, you fucking disgrace of a cop! Take your fucking fat pig and get the fuck out of my life!'
They stumbled off down the alley, pulling on clothes as they went. I looked into my car. There was a half empty fifth of bourbon on the floor. I took a long drink and threw it after them. The dark clouds had almost completely eclipsed the blue sky.
I retrieved the bourbon bottle and drank while awaiting the rain. I thought of Lorna Weinberg. When the first raindrops fell I discarded the bottle and started the car, with no particular destination in mind.
Aimless driving consumed three hours. Lorna Weinberg, Wacky, and Dirt Road Dave consumed most of my thoughts. They were depressing thoughts, and my random driving reinforced my grim state of mind.
The rain was coming down in sheets, driven by a fierce north wind. It turned dark early, and for no logical reason I was drawn to the winding, treacherous Pasadena Freeway. Maneuvering its abrupt turns on rain-slicked pavement at top speed got me feeling better. I started thinking about my opportunities for advancement and the wonder-seeking that working Vice would afford me.
That provided me with a destination. As soon as I hit Pasadena I turned around and drove back to L.A., to Wilshire Division, to some vice hot spots old-timers had told me about. I drove by the hooker stands on West Adams where knots of Negro prostitutes, probably hopheads, waited under umbrellas on the off chance that a customer would brave the rain and supply them with money for dope. I cruised by the known bookie joints on Western, then parked and watched bettors come and go. They seemed as desperate as the hopheads.
I got the feeling that Vice wonder would be sad wonder, pathetic and hopeless. The neon signs on the bars and nightclubs I passed looked like cheap advertisements for loneliness eradicator.
It was almost nine o'clock. I stopped at the Original Barbecue on Vermont and took my time with a sparerib dinner, wondering where to go look for women. It was too late and too wet to chance anything but bars, and women who were looking for the same thing I was. That made me sad, but I decided that while I cruised I could
