“I must admit that when I apply your explanation of the disease to some of her behavior, she did fit the pattern.” I was trying to make sense of it all and I wanted him to keep talking.
“Mina, I do believe you have the mind of a doctor.” He beamed at me, and I hated myself for always needing to be the teacher’s pet. Encouraged by my assimilation of his subject, he continued: “Consider how snugly Lucy fit the mold of the hysteric. Do you know what is their most ubiquitous symptom? They are cunning, the shrewdest liars known to man. Lucy carried on her affair with Morris by lying profusely to everyone, even you, her dearest friend.”
“It is all true,” I said. Hadn’t she always been that way? The little girl who could fib her way out of every situation?
“I thought that the transfusions would regulate the menstrual cycle, which might have cured her. I am so sorry I couldn’t save her.” Seward’s eyes welled with tears. His face turned red, and he blinked, releasing a huge teardrop. “This is very unprofessional, Mina. I do apologize.”
“Nonsense, John. We all loved her.”
We sat for a long time in silence. Obedient to Kate’s instruction, I did not speak, though the indescribable look of longing on his face disturbed me. “I thought I loved Lucy,” he said. He walked around the desk and pulled a chair up next to me. “I thought that the fleeting attraction I had for Lucy might be love until I met a woman of such depth and beauty as to overwhelm me, mind and senses.”
I waited, hoping against hope that he would reveal the name of someone with whom I was not acquainted.
“Have you not heard the deafening pounding of my heart when you are near? Please come to me, Mina, be with me. Your husband is an adulterer. The marriage remains unconsummated and is therefore not yet a legitimate marriage.” He spoke quietly but firmly in contrast to his ardor of moments ago. “Moreover, you married him under duress.”
“Did Jonathan tell you all this?”
“No, but Dr. Von Helsinger and I consult with each other about our patients.”
Humiliation flushed and burned my face and neck. I wanted to contradict him, to prove him wrong, to produce some evidence of Jonathan’s love for me. “My husband has been ill since our wedding. I brought him here so that you could help him. Doctor, have you forgotten your purpose?”
“Yes!” He threw his hands in the air. He pushed his chair aside, falling to his knees and grabbing a fistful of my skirt. “Yes, I have forgotten it. My love for you has wiped everything else out of my mind.” He rested his head on my thigh, his hot cheek making its impression through my skirt. “I just want to stay here forever.”
“Well, you mustn’t,” I said. “Please control yourself!”
He sighed, lifting himself up and sitting on the desk so that he was looking down at me. He straightened his shirt. “I know that what I am doing is outrageous, but I cannot apologize. Jonathan will never be the sort of husband you deserve.”
“Is this what you and Dr. Von Helsinger have concluded?”
“No, but we have discussed the matter. Von Helsinger wants me to listen to his notes on the case, but I have not yet had the opportunity.” He gestured toward the cylinders on a shelf next to the phonograph, neatly lined up and labeled.
“No man is perfect. I am trying to forgive him. Jonathan was not in his right mind when he was seduced in Styria.”
“Do not be naive. Men always like to imagine that they are helpless when in the thrall of a beautiful lover.”
I lowered my head.
“I have upset you, when my fondest wish is for your happiness,” he said. “No one will blame you for forsaking a man who has already forsaken you. I, on the other hand, would treasure you until one of us breathes the last.”
I was so shaken that I thought it better to be silent.
“You are not running from me in horror, which I regard as a hopeful sign,” he said. He took my hand again. “Come to me any time of day or night. I will inform the staff that we are working together, and that you are to have complete access to me. We will empty our minds to each other, and I will soon convince you that we are meant to be together.”
I knew that I should chastise him for insulting a married woman, but here were more questions to be answered, and I believed that those answers could be found inside Seward’s office. “You have stunned me, John,” I said. “I must go collect myself.” And I left the room.
That night I had a horrific dream. It began well enough, as they usually did. I was rolling on wet grass, letting it tickle me blade by blade, my limbs stretched out in ecstasy as I reached out into the night air-light, fresh, and skimming the surface of my body like gentle fingertips. Suddenly, I was jerked upward and imprisoned in arms that were foreign and mean. Angry arms. The lovely aromas on which I had been feasting disappeared, and I was thrown onto something hard, a floor perhaps. I was too frightened to open my eyes. I felt a lash across my back and I howled. Then came another slap, and I curled up like a snail to try to protect myself. A voice screamed at me:
The next thing I knew, I was sitting up in bed, shivering and choking. I did not know where I was at first, but my eyes adjusted and I took in the environs of the room at the asylum with its canopy above and its dark panels of drapes enveloping the bed. I found that I could at last breathe and let out a heavy sigh. Jonathan lay beside me, holding a pillow against his body like a shield.
“You were screaming in your sleep,” he said.
“What was I saying?”
He pulled farther away from me, clutching the pillow even tighter. “You were denying that you were the devil’s child.”
“You look frightened of me, Jonathan!” I said. “I am the one who has had the bad dream and needs comfort.”
He tossed the pillow aside and put his arm around me. “Poor Mina. I am not frightened of
The next day Jonathan informed me that Dr. Von Helsinger thought it best if he slept in a separate room. “Only for a little while, Mina,” he assured me. “I will soon be better.” I wondered if this was part of a scheme between Seward and Von Helsinger to separate me from my husband. Would Seward have confessed his affections to Von Helsinger? I decided that it was time to talk to him myself. I sent him a note and waited for a reply, but received none. I had a queasy feeling in my stomach and could not look at my breakfast. As the morning wore on, I felt more and more agitated.
Since Seward had told his staff that I was to be given free access in the asylum, I no longer needed permission to walk the halls. One of the staff directed me to Von Helsinger’s study, which hummed with the bass of male voices. I assumed that one of those was my husband’s and I rapped lightly on the door before opening it.
To my great surprise, Arthur Holmwood-Lord Godalming-was pacing the room while Seward, Von Helsinger, and Jonathan sat in big leather chairs. Von Helsinger’s pipe was clamped between his yellowing teeth, filling the air with a spicy aroma of nutmeg and cinnamon. Arthur’s overcoat sat in a rumpled heap on the floor where presumably he had thrown it. His hat lay atop it on its side so that I could see the label of the expensive London hatter. He was pale as sand, and his blond hair was stringy. The men were startled to see me and rose out of their seats.
“Lord Godalming,” I said, “what a surprise. What brings you here?” No one spoke, and I wondered if I my question had been a rude one. After all, Godalming was Seward’s dearest friend. Arthur started to speak, when Seward shot him a warning look. But Arthur was in no condition to be contained.
“It’s Lucy,” he said, looking at me with mad eyes. “She is not dead.”
“Now, Arthur,” Seward said, “you don’t want to upset Mrs. Harker.” To me he said, “Perhaps you should let us handle this.”
I was not about to leave. I walked further into the room and took a seat.
“What do you mean, Lucy is not dead?” I asked.
“She is not dead,” he insisted. “I have seen her with my own eyes!”
