They lapsed into silence.
“I had some other thoughts, too,” Steve finally said. “I was thinking about locking the door and having my way with you.”
“What stopped you?”
“Kevin, Elsie, the kitchen table.”
“The kitchen table?”
He grinned. “It gets complicated.”
“I know all about complicated. The harder I try to get my life in order, the more jumbled it becomes.”
He traced a line along her lower lip with his fingertip. “I know a way to simplify things. I know how to take care of Kevin, Elsie, the kitchen table, and Aunt Zena. I can solve all of your financial problems and guarantee you a dramatic increase in fun time. And as a special bonus I’ll even throw in a dog.”
She hoped he was talking about a raise, but panic in the pit of her stomach told her otherwise. He was going to say the L word, maybe even the M word. She still wasn’t ready for that part of the alphabet. She didn’t even want to contemplate it. Being in love was one thing… being loved was another. “I don’t think I’m ready for a dog.”
“Are you kidding? Dogs are terrific. You can count on a dog.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to count on a dog, because if you count on a dog, then that dog counts on you, and I’m looking forward to a time when nothing counts on me. I need to think. I need to decide what I want to do with my life.”
“I can give you time,” Steve said. “I can give you security, comfort, companionship, great sex, walk-in closets, roll-over checking…”
“I don’t need walk-in closets. I don’t have many clothes.”
He ran his hand through his hair. This wasn’t going well. “I can give you clothes, dammit. All the clothes you want.”
“I don’t want clothes. I want-” She didn’t know exactly what she wanted, she realized. She wanted everything. She wanted Steve and all of the things he’d offered her. And she wanted nothing. She wanted her life to be a big, blank, glorious void. She wanted to sleep, and stare off into space for hours at a time, without a thought in her head. “I’m not sure what I want,” she told him.
He let her long, silky hair sift through his fingers. “I know what I want. I want you.” He tilted her head up, compelling her to look at him. “I love you, Daisy. I want to marry you.”
She thought back to the lighthearted proposal he’d made after they’d made love on the family room floor. She’d been able to pass that one off with a giggle. This proposal would require a serious answer, and the terrible truth was that she didn’t want to get married. Marriage was commitment and responsibility. It was an investment of time and emotion. Marriage was planning what to have for supper 365 days a year. If she was married for forty years, that would be 14,600 meals. She almost lost consciousness at the thought of it.
Elsie appeared in the open door. She had her bathrobe on and a toothbrush in her hand. “What’s all the shouting about in here? I was in the bathroom, and I heard someone yelling. You don’t need me to go get my pocketbook, do you?”
“No,” Steve said. “I asked Daisy to marry me, and she got a little overwhelmed.”
“I’d get overwhelmed, too,” Elsie said. “You’re a real catch.”
“Thanks,” Steve said. “Have you ever been married, Elsie?”
“Sure. I’ve been married lots of times. I was married to my first husband for thirty-seven years. He passed away, then I married Myron Fogel. He was a handsome devil, but he made noise at the breakfast table, so I divorced him. I know it was picky of me, but I couldn’t take another minute of him slurping his cereal milk. After that there was Gus. He had a heart attack. It was Gus who left me the Caddie. I was engaged to a real live one in Vermont when I broke my hip. I came down here to be near my sister while I was in rehab, and Wilma Nelson wrote and told me that the old coot I was engaged to had been taking other women to the bingo game in Mt.Pleasant. I guess I know what that means, so I sent him his ring back. It never fit right anyway.”
“I’m sorry,” Daisy said.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Elsie told her.
“At my age you never expect to keep a man for long anyway. Men my age are dropping dead like flies.”
Daisy finished the last of her brandy and set the glass on the television. “I have to go,” she said. “I have to get up early tomorrow. I don’t have the paper route anymore, but I still have to cross the children.”
Chapter 9
Steve had coffee made and bacon frying when Daisy and Elsie came back from crossing the high school kids.
“I could eat a horse,” Elsie said. “That bacon smells great.”
Daisy poured herself a cup of coffee and poked at the bacon, while Steve cracked eggs into a second fry pan.
“I’m moving back to my town house,” Daisy said. “This house isn’t any safer than my own now that everyone thinks I’m your live-in girlfriend.” She felt her voice waver when he glanced over at her. “It was very nice of you to let us stay here for a while.”
“It wasn’t nice at all,” Steve said. “It was self-serving. I was ecstatic when that goon broke your door and forced you to find another place to stay. I was completely besotted. I’d resorted to sleeping out in your parking lot, for crying out loud.”
“I don’t get it,” Elsie said. “I thought you two were getting married.”
Steve dumped the scrambled eggs onto a plate. “Daisy wasn’t enamored with the idea.”
Elsie shook her head and grunted. “What a ninny.”
“I have good reasons not to want to get married right now,” Daisy said.
“Like what?” Elsie asked her. “Don’t you love him?”
Daisy sucked in a quick breath. She shot a look at Steve and found him smiling. He raised his eyebrows at her, and she uttered an oath under her breath. Damn him, she thought, if he’d looked at her like that two weeks ago, she’d have forgotten her name. As it was, she was only temporarily sexually excited. She pressed her lips together and concentrated on the bacon, placing it piece by piece onto paper towels. “There are lots of kinds of love,” she said. “Some love you can ignore better than other kinds of love.”
Elsie squinted at her. “What the devil’s that supposed to mean?” She turned to Steve. “How about you? Do you know why she doesn’t want to get married?”
“Something about pierced ears, I think. It’s pretty complicated.”
Daisy topped off her coffee and sat at the table. “I simply said married was permanent… like pierced ears.”
“Mabel Schnaaf had pierced ears and they grew over. She never used to put earrings in, and the ears grew back together,” Elsie said, buttering a piece of toast. “Everyone told her it was gonna happen, but she wouldn’t listen.”
Daisy helped herself to bacon and eggs. “The point is that
“I don’t know,” Elsie said. “You aren’t getting any younger. You’re starting to get little squint lines at the corners of your eyes. Once you get them squint lines, everything starts going to pot.”
Daisy bolted down some eggs. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to panic me into marrying him, but it won’t work. I like squint lines. I think they give a person character. Besides, I’m sure Steve wouldn’t want me to marry him just because I was feeling over-the-hill and desperate.”
“Sure I would,” Steve told her. “Hell, I’ll take you any way I can get you. Do you remember how you landed the job at the radio station?”
