Jebediah ran cold water on a cloth and handed it to his younger sister. “I had no idea it would be this bad. I thought you were doing all those exercises to help shield you from whatever it is that causes this.”
Briony bit back her retort, clamping down hard on her temper. She was on psychic overload and it wouldn’t help to get angry with Jebediah. Sure, her brothers and the other members of the circus had pressured her to come, but she could have refused. She should have refused. And she had told him it would be this bad. Jebediah and the others had simply chosen not to listen, because it wasn’t in their best interests. She pressed her lips together and tried to breathe away the pain. Jebediah might as well have been stabbing ice picks through her head, but it wasn’t his fault. He had no idea what psychic overload actually was-or felt like.
She remembered the many times her parents had tried in vain to comfort her when she huddled in a ball in a corner of a dark room and rocked herself back and forth, trying to ease the pain in her head. At times she could hear them discussing whether or not she had some form of autism. She
She knew exactly how this scenario would play out. She’d gone through it a million times. “This is Africa, Jeb,” she reminded him, “a country rampant with suffering. There’s AIDS and death and rape and loss and it’s swamping me.”
His mouth tightened. He didn’t like her to bring up anything even hinting of psychic overload. He didn’t believe in it and, like her parents, thought it was a form of autism. He wanted her to fight through it and succeed in being “normal.” “Can you stop the nosebleed?” He glanced at his watch. “I need you to be able to perform, Briony.”
She wanted to throw something at him. “You say that before every performance and I always manage to make it. Go away, Jebediah. I need to be alone.”
Her other brothers pressed closer. Tyrel, as always, looked sympathetic, Seth angry, and Ruben disgusted. Ruben always chose to bully her, thinking that would somehow make her shape up. Seth yelled at her, and Tyrel eventually would get annoyed with both of them and run them off. The ritual had been going on as long as she could remember, and not once had any of them understood that she couldn’t help what was happening to her and that their presence, with their intense emotions, only made it worse.
“There’s a rumor going around that the rebel leader’s troops have been pouring into the city looking for someone,” Tyrel said. “That’s not a good sign, Jeb. You know they’re going to look at all foreigners.”
Jebediah swore. “If the rebel troops are coming into the city, the soldiers are going to be very nervous and trigger-happy. Why would they come into the city armed and ready for trouble?”
“Hell, I don’t understand any of the politics here,” Seth replied. “Everyone hates everyone and they want everyone else dead.”
No one had to tell that to Briony. The heightened tension in the streets increased her inability to function. There was poverty and sickness and so many tragedies she wanted to crawl into a hole and muffle out all emotion, sound, and thought.
“Your skin is changing color again, Briony,” Ruben said impatiently. “I told you to watch that around people.”
“We aren’t people; we’re her family,” Tyrel pointed out. “Leave her alone.”
Ruben persisted. “Well, how can she do that? Like some lizard or something.”
Briony sighed, pushing her pounding head into her hand. It felt like someone was hammering nails into her skull, but there was no pointing that out to anyone. The show had to go on-and Briony always,
“Anyone could walk in here,” Ruben defended.
“I locked the door,” Seth said. “Snap out of it, Bri. I’m not kidding around with you. You’re too old for panic attacks.”
Briony had had enough. They had ten minutes until they were on, and if her brothers didn’t leave, she wouldn’t be able to pull herself together. “Get out.” She bit the words out between her teeth, glaring at them.
Her four brothers looked startled. It was the first time she had ever interrupted the ritual. They were big men, muscular and well built with dark hair and piercing blue eyes. She had wheat and platinum hair, dark, chocolate brown eyes, and was about five foot two. She looked nothing like them, and certainly didn’t have their adventurous personalities-although she wished she did. She never really sassed them, although she considered herself pushed around a bit by them. At once all their faces dropped.
Ruben crouched down beside her. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Briony. We can work it without you if you can’t make it this time. It won’t be easy, and you know the crowd isn’t going to like it, but if you can’t pull yourself together this time… ”
Seth sucked in his breath. “Yeah, I could maybe take your spot, honey. Why don’t you try to go to bed? Maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“We can call for a doctor,” Tyrel offered. “Your doctor has always flown out within an hour of a call.”
Briony would have laughed if her head wasn’t splitting apart. “I’ve never missed a performance. Just give me a little alone time and I’ll be fine.”
Jebediah waved the others out of the room and sank down beside her, reaching out a hand to push back her thick mop of blond hair. “We need you, honey, I won’t lie to you, but I’ll call the doc if you think you’re going to need him. We have several performances to do, and if the rebels are really sneaking into the city, the emotions are only going to get worse.”
It was such a concession for Jebediah to admit that anything would make her condition worse. “I don’t like the doctor.” Briony rubbed her hand over her face. “He stares at me like I’m an insect under a microscope. There’s something not right about him.”
Jebediah sighed and sank back on his heels. “You’re being paranoid again.”
“Am I? Why is it the rest of you can go to any doctor you choose, but I have to have a specific doctor, one that flies halfway around the world to treat me?”
“Because you’re special and Mom and Dad promised. I keep their promises and so should you.”
“I’m all grown up.” When he didn’t respond, she let her breath out slowly. “I’m serious, Jeb, just give me some space. I can beat this.” She wasn’t certain this time. It was the worst she’d ever been, other than when she was a child, unable to cope with or understand what was happening to her. Feeling desperate, Briony closed her eyes and began to breathe slowly and evenly, looking for that calm, tranquil spot inside of herself.
She was barely aware of her oldest brother leaving, concentrating instead on putting away the emotions of the people in the city, of the soldiers and their guns and dark deeds, of the hatred and fear battering at her mind. Once she was calm enough, she dealt with the ever-present fear of high places. If there was one person in the world who shouldn’t be doing trapeze or high-wire acts, it was Briony.
“Let’s do it,” Seth called from outside the door.
Briony stood, looked in the mirror to make certain there was no blood on her face and that she could manage a high-wattage smile, and then ran out to join her brothers. The audience had swelled to immense proportions. She didn’t look at them, concentrating on the beat of the music. They used a blend of popular African and Cuban music to do their performance, a dangerous trapeze act.
Briony completed a quadruple somersault; Jebediah caught her and sent her flying out toward the taut high wire, where she was caught by Tyrel and swung up onto the wire. Seth and Ruben continued the flying act while she ran across the wire without a pole, and as Ruben flew back toward Seth, she crossed him in the air, diving to Jebediah through a ring of fire Tyrel held. It was a wild, frightening act, done with exact precision and timing, and at least two of them flying in the air at all times.
No one knew why Briony had such incredible balance or strength, but to the act, it was a huge boon, drawing thousands to their performances. It helped that her brothers were handsome and incredible athletes. No one had an act like theirs, as daring and complicated and showy. Briony thought the hip-hop beat and the drums only added to the excitement of the show. Adrenaline poured through her body as she flew through the sky, concentrating on her mark, listening for her brother’s command. He caught her and sent her spinning back through the air. She tucked and jackknifed, turning as she came out of it, to reach with her hands and connect with Tyrel.
The applause was accompanied by a roar of approval. The audience stomped their feet and called for more.
