Agatha H. and the Clockwork Princess

for himself.”

The crowd roared in laughter. The ship’s landing lights began to sweep about. A loudhailer crackled into life.

“Ahoy, Heterodynes! Prepare to come aboard!”

The cheering intensified as boarding ladders unrolled from several of the loading doors and fell to earth, where they were grabbed by dozens of soldiers.

They eagerly helped everyone onto ladders, although it was a slow process what with the number of soldiers who wanted to shake the Heterodynes’ hands or just wish them well. But soon enough, they were all climbing upwards. Bill was the last to ascend. He paused to wave to the adoring crowd one final time.

“Goodbye, friends!” This was met with another burst of cheers. “We must—” Taki swung his ladder close and whispered urgently.

Bill started and called out—“The Baron! Our good friend Klaus lies injured!” He pointed towards the wreckage of the Baba Yaga. “His last order was for us to proceed without him, but you must see to him at once! We will return to get him as soon as we can!”

Below, a large contingent of troops had already begun to rush towards the wounded man, while the rest of the crowd continued to wave and cheer farewell as the airship began to lift away, carrying the ladders and their tightly clinging passengers.

Agatha watched as the earth dropped away below her. Her teeth were clenched and her fists were white.

‘Lucrezia’ leaned in, an enormous smile plastered across her face. “Smile! Wave! Look majestic.”

“...Can’t,” Agatha said between tightly grit teeth.

Lucrezia looked anxious. “I didn’t know you were afraid of heights.”

“I’m not!” Agatha gasped. “But I’ve got cat claws in my butt! Let go!” She yelled.

Krosp looked at the rapidly receding ground and dug in tighter. “You must be joking.”

Eventually Agatha managed to painfully pull herself up to the lip of the loading bay where Rivet waited with outstretched hands.

She suffered a final flash of agony as Krosp scrambled up her back and leapt from her head into the airship.

“Relax,” he announced to everyone. “I’m safe.”

Agatha rolled onto her back and blew out a great breath of air. Punch and Judy looked down at her.

“Are you all right?” Judy asked.

“You did great!” Punch said.

Agatha screamed.

Judy looked stricken. “Of course, I’m sorry! Here—”

She whipped out a small atomizer and sprayed Agatha in the face. There was a burst of cinnamon—and all of a sudden Agatha realized that it wasn’t Adam and Lilith standing before her, but Yeti and The Countess dressed in Punch and Judy costumes.

Agatha shook her head. “What?”

“It must have been quite distressing,” the Countess said apologetically. “A delightfully hallucinogenic gas of my own devising,” she said smugly. “One tries not to brag, but it makes the subject very suggestible. We always keep a large supply of it on hand, as it’s proven useful in escaping from unpleasant towns in the past. They see what we want them to see.

“This time we just spread it around and yelled ‘The Heterodynes have returned!’” She frowned. “I’m rather surprised at how easily that caught.” She looked at Agatha. “I suppose your lightshow made it easier for them to believe it. I’ll have to remember that.” She held up the atomizer. “This is the antidote.” She looked nervous. “I’m sorry we couldn’t warn you.”

“It did seem very real,” Agatha admitted. “You were all amazing.”

“Ha!” Gunthar puffed up a bit. Agatha looked at his outfit and realized that he had played Bill Heterodyne. “I always wanted to try playing Bill. Can’t wait to hear what Lars thought. I’ll bet I’ve got him worried,” he chuckled.

He glanced around. “I’m surprised, actually, we thought he’d be with you.”

Agatha felt ill. She opened her mouth—

“Lars is dead.” Zeetha said. “The Baron tried to kill Agatha. Lars stopped him.”

Everyone froze. They stared at Agatha.

“He... he jumped right in,” she whispered in the silence. “I—I didn’t ask him to. I —”

“No one asks anything like that.” Abner stood in the doorway. His voice was firm and filled the room. “But he gave it. Lars always played the hero.” He put a hand on Agatha’s shoulder. “You made him want to be the real thing.” He faced the room. “And that’s how I’ll remember him.”

Agatha took a deep breath. “Me too. Thank you.”

The Countess nodded to herself with a sad smile. It looked like Abner’s apprenticeship was over. She clapped her hands, breaking the mood. “All right, we’ll talk about this later. Now we must deal with the present. We have an airship to run and know remarkably little about how to do it.”

Ardsley stepped forward. “I might be of some assistance there, Madam. Ardsley Wooster, of Her Majesty’s secret service. I am quite familiar with Wulfenbach engineering.”

The Countess nodded. “Excellent. Yeti? Let’s get Mr. Wooster here to the engine room. Captain Kadiiski will be pleased to see him, I imagine.”

She turned to Agatha. “You should come with me.”

On the bridge, they found Master Payne, sitting in the Captain’s chair, as happy as Agatha had ever seen him.

Agatha looked around in amazement. “Is this really a Wulfenbach airship?”

The Countess sighed. “Oh, yes. It was remarkably easy to steal.” She carefully didn’t look toward her husband, while her voice gained several decibels without apparent effort. “But then, who would be fool enough to try?”

Ognian, who had been examining his reflection in some polished brass, turned to a stone-faced Master Payne. “Hey! Iz like hyu wife iz callink hyu a fool witout ektually —”

Payne glared at him. “You cannot possibly be as stupid as you act.”

The Jager considered this. “Ken if I vants to be!”

On the loading dock, Abner wiped away a tear and went to roll up the last boarding ladder, which, he realized with a shock, still had someone on it. He gingerly leaned out and Maxim’s cheerful face greeted him from just below the edge.

“Hoy! Giff me a hand here. Hy gots sumtink hyuz gunna vant.”

“Lars!” And indeed, the purple Jager had him slung over his shoulder.

Maxim pulled himself aboard the airship. “Ho! Vell, now, dot’s an interestink metaphysical qvestion.” He gently lowered the body to the deck and then fanned himself with his hat. “See, hit’s hiz body, bot Meester Lars ain’t uzin it no more. So iz it really—”

“You brought him back,” Abner said. “Thank you.”

Maxim waved a hand. “Vasn’t gun leave him.” He patted Lars’ shoulder. “Meester Lars—he vas scared to death. Ve could schmell it on heem. But he come to help Miz Agatha anyvay, und he sacrifice himself wit out tinkink. He fight vit the Jagerkin und die for the house of Heterodyne. Dot make him as goot as vun uf us, and ve dun leave our own behind.”

Maxim stood up. “Ennyvay, hyu kin put him in der icebox and try to get him zapped back, but dot don’t vork as goot as it hyu’d tink. So ven hyu bury him—” Maxim gently placed his leather cavalry hat over Lars’ face—“Hyu make sure he gots a hat.”