Agatha H. and the Clockwork Princess

people? Women and children? Even if you knew—you knew, that they had irrevocably become monsters?”

Agatha tried to step back, and found her way blocked by the side of a wagon. She swallowed. “I... no...” She looked down. “I don’t know,” she whispered.

Payne stepped closer. “The Baron can. The Baron has. I respect him for that, but I do not want to be him. No sane man would.” He grasped Agatha’s chin in his hand and dragged her eyes back up to face his own. “Now you drop any ideas you have about being another Othar Tryggvassen, unless you want to leave my show and manage your heroics on our own. Do you understand?”

“Yes!” Agatha wrenched her head from his hand. “Yes, I understand!” Tears filled her eyes, “But I don’t have to like it.” She turned to go and found Zeetha blocking her way.

Zeetha reached out and grasped Agatha’s shoulders. “Remember this,” she hissed. “Remember this union of understanding and rage. This is the balance that will keep you fighting. And to make sure you remember this occasion—” Agatha’s eyes widened in fear—until Zeetha slung a comforting arm across her shoulder. “A drink.”

As a relieved Agatha was led away, Payne turned back to the rest of the circus, who were busy not meeting his eyes, until he clapped his great hands together. “I don’t like it either,” he announced quietly. “But I like dying even less. Move out.”

At this, a collective sigh went up from the group. They dispersed and soon the wagons began rumbling down the hill. Payne stood apart looking out at the ruined bridge until Abner came up and coughed discreetly.

Payne nodded without turning. “Is the warning sign posted[32]?”

“Yessir. Of course, we’ll want to post another at the turn off.”

Payne nodded again. Now that the bridge was out, there was no reason for anyone to climb the two- kilometer slope. He hoped the Baron would take care of this soon, but it was quite possible that he would abandon the road, and simply increase the amount of air traffic to the area. Payne had seen it happen before. He gave a final pat to the ancient stonework before he turned away. It had been a very good bridge.

Abner continued. “I told Dr. Kleeporg to preserve one of the monsters. I thought the Baron might want it[33].”

Payne again nodded. “Good. Now let’s get moving. I want us as far as we can get by morning. Anything else?”

A voice rumbled from above his head. “Vell, now dot hyu mentions it...”

The two men spun in surprise. The green Jager was squatting on the roof of the cart, a huge grin smeared over his face. “Hello dere.”

Payne visibly pulled himself together. He had found himself facing far worse while traveling in the Wastelands. “My humble thanks,” he said sincerely. “You really helped us here.”

The monster soldier looked pleased, and graciously inclined his head. “Eet vas only fair. Vun of hyuor pipples help us, so ve tink ve shood help hyu beck, jah?”

The Jager with the triple bladed pole arm unfolded himself from under the wagon. Both Payne and Abner would have sworn there was nothing there.

He looked smug. “End ve did eet mitowt killink ennybody hyu know! Pretty sveet, hey?” The grin he gave the two men was so alarming that they involuntarily took a step back, directly into the arms of the purple Jager who had materialized behind them. He slapped an affable hand upon each of their shoulders. This elicited a small scream from Abner.

Payne rallied and grinned back. The Jagers mentally gave him an “A” for effort. “Pretty sweet indeed. As a token of our esteem, if you need any supplies—”

The purple Jager interrupted. “Dere iz sumting dot ve vant.”

Payne nodded. “Excellent! We can certainly—”

The green Jager spread his hands. “Ve vants to join de circus.” “

WHAT?”

The Jager with the pole-axe nodded in agreement. “Jah. Ve vant to be circus guyz.”

Payne and Abner looked at each other in amazement. Payne scratched his shaggy head. “But...but what can you do? What could we do with you?”

Abner shook his head. “The audience—”

The green Jager waved his hands dismissively. “Jah, jah, dey hate us. But dots joost ven vees valkin’ around being us. Pipple expect to see strange tings in a show like dis.”

The purple Jager puffed his chest up proudly. “End dey dun get much stranger den us,” he declared.

An odd look came into Master Payne’s eyes. “But what could we do with them,” he murmured.

The younger man looked at him askance. “You can’t seriously be considering this. Them? Onstage?”

The purple Jager swept a hand through his long luxurious hair. “Ve vould be perfect. Hy em Maxim,” so saying he gave a sketchy, but serviceable, cavalier’s salute. “Hy tink Hy iz de leadink man type.”

Payne and Abner stared at him blankly.

The pole axe wielding Jager leaned in. “Vot’s ‘leadink man’ mean?” he asked sotto voce.

Maxim waggled his eyebrows. “Hit mean hyu gets to kees de gurl,” he explained.

“Hoy!” The horned Jager turned to Abner and grinned engagingly. “Hy vants to be a leadink man too!” Abner’s eyes were staring to glaze. The Jager stuck out a clawed hand. “I’m Ognian.” Reflexively, Abner gingerly took Ognian’s hand and was given a quick, seismic rattle.

Maxim smacked the back of Ognian’s head. “Eediot! Hyu kent be a leadink man.”

Ognian pouted. An alarming sight on a person with a mouthful of sharp teeth. “Vy not?”

Maxim shrugged. “Dere’s only vun leadink man.”

“Sez who?”

“Iz hobvious! Eef hyu gots two, deys gunna lead in different directions.”

Ognian thought about this. “So vy hyu?”

“I tink ov hit first.”

“But dere vas two Heterodyne Boyz.”

Maxim’s eyebrows shot up. “Say—hyu iz right!”

Ognian grinned. “But dot’s hokay! Dis vay ve both gets a gurl!”

A flicker of worry passed over Maxim’s face. “Hy dunno. Some uf the gurls de Heterodynes keesed vos pretty scary.”

“Bot dot’s de best part,” exclaimed Ognian gleefully, “Ve’d be keesink actresses!” He smirked, “End hyu know vot dey say about actresses!”

Maxim looked at him expectantly. “Um... No Hy dun’t.”

Ognian shrugged. “Hy dun neither.” He grinned again. “Bot Hy bet ve’s gunna find out!!”

The third Jagermonster smacked Ognian on the back of the head. “Qviet, hyu eediots! Eef deys find out how irresistible ve iz to de vemmins, dey neffer gunna let us join.” The other two realized the sensibility of this advice and arranged their faces into a semblance of innocence before facing the two men again.

“Zo,” the green Jager said. “I’m Dimo. Vat doz hyu tink?”

Abner and Payne stared at the three and then looked at each other and nodded. “Clowns.”

Dimo, Maxim and Ognian grinned. Perfect.

Lars blinked. The familiar, early morning sounds of the circus drifted through an open window. The clink and rattle of cookware. The unnerving clucking of Professor Moonsock’s syncopated chickens. The gasping and panting of Agatha as she ran past his window, pursued by Zeetha.

He snuffled back into the comforting goose down mattress, as his mind idly went over yesterday’s events—

Which brought him bolt upright, every muscle poised for flight. Gasping, he looked around, and realized that he was safely in his own wagon, and not in fact, being eaten by monsters. He slumped in relief, and then a new memory surfaced. Hadn’t there been... Jagers?