Joe absorbed the warning slowly.
“And stay the fuck out of the West End. This is your last warning. You cost me enough money already. And to answer your other question: it’s always about money. Dumb fuck, what’d you think it was about?”
Joe tended to sleep in short snatches of two or three hours. When he had worked nights, years before, his body had become accustomed to the inside-out schedule: first halfs alternating with second halfs-a six-to-midnight shift one night, midnight to eight A. M. the next-six nights a week, or three cycles. “Short days” and “long days,” cops called them. Sleep no longer correlated to night. You slept when you could for as long as you could, but always too little. Joe’s work schedule had improved after he made detective, but by then he seemed to have lost the ability to sleep deeply. At best, he drifted just beneath the surface of waking. As a result, he thought, he tended not to dream, at least he did not remember his dreams. Dreaming occurred during deep sleep; Joe could not submerge that far.
But tonight he did dream. He dreamed he was climbing into the back seat of a car. A coupe of some kind with a tomato-red interior. He thought it might be the new Bel Air by the way the roofline curved downward to enwrap the back-seat passengers. Someone was holding the driver’s seat forward for him; he could not see who. Joe did not want to be in this car. He could not straighten his neck, the roof was too low. He tried to tip his head but his hair rubbed against the headliner, so he slouched down on the bench seat, only to see the roof drop down even farther. He panicked. He knew that if he stayed in the car, coffined in the back seat, he would die there. He struggled to climb out.
And then he was awake, in his body in his bed in his room, with the window open. No longer afraid. The bedroom was cool. A bluish light from the street illuminated everything, as it always did. “Jesus,” he whispered. He reached behind him and his hand found Kat’s substantial rump.
She had been a nurse when he met her, a big square-jawed girl with a sense of command about her. That was what had first attracted him, not her looks but that air of mastery. She was the kind of girl who got things done, who managed. Joe had always known he was just a knockaround guy, but when he was with her he had felt a little of her competence and gravity. He figured maybe he could manage, too. Not anymore, of course. As Joe had dashed himself against the rocks, his wife’s sensibility had only made him feel the more out of control. But once… once.
He rolled onto his back, ran his hand down the slope of her hip. Her nightgown was cool. She did not stir.
He thought of Capobianco’s words, This is the last time you’ll disrespect me, and wondered whether they were meant as an order (Don’t disrespect me again) or a threat (You won’t get another chance to disrespect me). It was ridiculous, even funny, that he might die without ever realizing he had been warned-like a cow he would be herded into the slaughterhouse, unknowing right to the end. It seemed significant that Capobianco had chosen such ambiguous words. He had left room for interpretation. Also, it did not make sense that Capobianco would arrange a personal audience just to inform Joe he would be killed. Clearly his intention was to bar Joe from the West End, just as Capobianco had said. Yes, Joe had fucked up by back-talking, but volatile guys like Capobianco forgot such things as soon as they calmed down, or were swept up by the next outrage. Yes, Capobianco would get around to killing Joe someday, when he had extracted all the cash and advantage he could extract. But not soon. For now, the one in immediate peril was Ricky. Do you know what a contract is?
Through the open window Joe heard the sounds of the city. Kat stirred under his hand. He waited to see if she would roll away to go on sleeping or roll toward him for warmth. She came to him, lifted her head and laid it on his chest. He squeezed her back, her arm, her tit in an experimental way, reminding himself. She was not what she had used to be. Her strong body was now padded with a quilty layer of fat. But she was still herself, and he was reminded that her bigness had been part of the attraction in the first place. She was built, if not to the scale of his own body, then at least to grander specifications than the perfumed broads he usually chased around, who tottered around on spindly heels to raise themselves up. He felt himself begin to get hard, and it occurred to him that all his “cheating” had actually enhanced his appreciation for Kat, and he congratulated himself on his open-mindedness with regard to women. Sampling other women only made him appreciate his wife all the more. What could be more destructive to a marriage than monogamy? You simply had to handle the issue with discretion, as Joe always had. What Kat didn’t know would never hurt her.
“You awake?” he whispered.
“No.”
“I am.”
She felt him. “Jesus, Joe, you’ve got to be kidding. Now? All this time…”
“Lie back,” he said.
Under his hands she lay half sleeping, and even when she lifted her nightgown over her head he thought she might be sleeping. Her arms were clumsy. Maybe to Kat this was a dream.
It was when he was inside her, surrounded by her body’s warmth, that Joe saw this house without him in it. Kat, Little Joe-dying would mean saying goodbye to them, and they would go on living. Would Kat marry someone else? Where would she live? Would she be happy? And Little Joe. He was nearly fourteen now. What would he remember of his old man ten years on, or twenty? Would he think of his dad every day or not at all? Would thinking of Joe make them happy or sad? Who would they go to when they were in trouble? Margaret, Michael? Joe’s dying would be one last thing he would steal from them.
He faltered, felt himself soften.
“You okay, Joe?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Sorry.”
Kat held his face in her two hands and studied him. “What is it, Joe?”
“Just tired.”
“ Now you’re tired?”
He grinned, expelling air from his nostrils.
“Wakes me up in the middle of the night and then he says he’s tired.”
Joe decided to purge his mind of everything that was outside the four corners of the bed. They were two bodies, one partially inside the other, and there was no need to hump the whole thing up with any more significance than that. There was no need to think at all. Animals died by the millions every day. It meant nothing. Why think about it?
A warm night in June.
There were a half dozen women at the corner of Washington and LaGrange. They reposed against the facade of the adjacent building, or smoked, or drifted to the curb and slugged one hip out toward the street, waiting for a car to ease alongside or a pedestrian to make eye contact.
To Joe, some of them weren’t bad-looking broads, and he wondered what grim secret biography could explain this or that one’s becoming a streetwalker. Certainly there were a couple he would consider giving a poke, under different circumstances. Joe was seated in his car farther down Washington Street, a half block from them. He dragged on a cigarette; it tasted like nothing, as if they had stuffed it with straw instead of tobacco. He had no interest in leaving the car to disperse the hookers, let alone arrest them. Didn’t give a shit. Hookers. Waste of time, the whole thing, Vice. Even the name-Vice. What a fuckin’ joke.
One girl, with a very pale and painted face, came to the corner to glare at Joe and flick her cigarette butt in his direction, then she returned to the wall and resumed the group’s attitude of boredom and insolence.
Joe let his head tip forward. Maybe he would sleep. Five, ten minutes of shuteye was all he needed, and no sooner had he decided to nap than his mind switched itself off. That was how it had been lately: He was always on the verge of sleeping, he could give in to it at any moment. He snapped awake once, but he was too heavy-headed to resist it and he closed his eyes again. The air was cool, the windows open. It was nearly nine but not quite dark in the car; he had parked by a streetlight, some of which light illuminated his eyelids. No matter. He could still doze awhile.
He heard street sounds. Snippets of conversation came in clearly, then dopplered away. Cars grumbled past, each one creating a whisk of warm wind in the open window as it went by. Somewhere a man laughed loudly, “That’s right! You gut me! You gut me!” Joe relaxed but did not sleep.
At some point the ambient noise became muffled, blocked. There was an adjustment in the atmosphere, a drop in pressure.
