heard Emily’s breathing start to chop up, then her hands went to her eyes, the tears spilling out over them. Her body shook, the sobs racking her and shaking the sofa.
I reached my arm around her and held her. She pressed against me and cried harder.
Finally, the tears stopped.
But neither of us moved.
I felt her head shift against my chest and against better judgment, I looked at her.
Her eyeliner had smudged at the corners of her eyes and her cheeks were flushed, bright red. Her blond hair was tossed over to one side.
We stared at one another, knowing what was coming, but not sure what to do about it.
Maybe not caring.
Maybe going back in time to finish something we had started a long time ago.
I don’t know what the right thing to do would’ve been. I probably should’ve left. Or started talking, rambling on about anything. Ordering a pizza might not have been a bad idea.
But I didn’t do any of those things.
Instead, we did other things.
21
The night after Kate ended our relationship on Catalina, I’d gone to the Criers’ house. I’m not sure what I planned on doing there. I wanted to see Kate, but I didn’t know what I was going to say to her. Probably something petty and immature. But I knew I wanted to see her.
Only she wasn’t there.
“Noah,” Emily said, opening the door. “Didn’t expect to see you.”
Emily had intimidated me in high school. The older, sexier sister who could flirt effortlessly without meaning anything by it.
Or so I thought.
“Is Kate here?” I asked.
She opened the door wider. She was wearing a black bikini top and a bright yellow towel wrapped around her waist, exposing the taut muscles in her stomach.
She shook her head. “She’s out with our parents. A few last-minute purchases before she leaves, I guess.”
I felt my shoulders sag at the mention of Kate’s leaving. “Oh.”
“She told me about last night,” Emily said. “I’m sorry.”
I shoved my hands deep into my shorts pockets. “Yeah, me, too.”
She pushed the door open wider. “You wanna come in? I was about to jump in the Jacuzzi. You can hang out till they get back.”
I stood there feeling dumb, embarrassed. I knew I didn’t have anything good to say to Kate. Whatever came out of my mouth was going to be either nasty or pathetic.
But I couldn’t make myself leave.
“Okay,” I said.
I followed her through the magnificent house that still felt unfamiliar to me, despite the countless hours I’d spent in it. We went downstairs to the enormous game room and out through the floor-to-ceiling sliders.
The Jacuzzi was at the far end of the pool, encircled by deep blue tiles and a concrete deck. The entire area provided a postcard view to the west, the Pacific Ocean seemingly at your fingertips and miles away at the same time.
Emily unwrapped her towel, dropped it on the deck, and slipped into the water, backlit by the lights embedded in the walls of the Jacuzzi. Her tan body looked like a shadow against the light blue of the bubbling water. She tilted her head back, submerging her long blond hair, then raised back up, pushing the hair away from her face toward the back of her head.
“You can come in if you want,” she said, settling on the bench that ran the length of the inside of the tub.
I stepped out of my sandals and sat down on the ledge, dropping my legs into the warm water. “I’m good here.”
She smiled. “So. You hate all of us now?”
I tried to laugh, but it came out as a snort. “No. I don’t hate anybody.”
“She didn’t have to break up with you.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I told her not to,” she said, letting her hands rest on top of the water. “You don’t deserve that, Noah. No one does.”
I nodded, letting my eyes drop, unable to look at her. “Yeah.”
“Of course, my parents are thrilled,” she said, her tone getting sharper. “Little Kate does the right thing again.”
I looked back up at her, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
She made a face and brought her hands together, a small wave of water splashing upward. “Gotta do what Mommy and Daddy say. Can’t think for ourselves.” She rolled her eyes. “Get chastised for that. Like me.”
Kate never shared with me much about the family dynamics in her home. I knew that Emily seemed more outgoing than Kate, but I had never seen it as anything more than that. Kate had never intimated that she felt like a favored child in her household, and I had always assumed that both girls were doted upon equally by both parents. Emily might’ve pushed the boundaries of her parents’ patience more-breaking curfew or spending money a little more freely-but it was nothing that I figured earned more than a hard stare from her mother or father.
But Emily’s tone suggested that maybe it was tougher than I knew to be the eldest Crier daughter.
“You were Kate’s first mistake,” she said.
I nodded, again looking away from her, again feeling the sting of the difference between my life and the Criers’.
Emily came across the water and touched my knee.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t have to say that.”
“It’s alright,” I mumbled.
“No, it’s not,” she said. “First my parents, then Kate. I don’t need to be the last member of the family to treat you like shit.”
I raised my eyes up and saw that she was closer than I expected, staring at me.
“It’s okay, Emily,” I said. “Really.”
Her hand squeezed my knee slightly, and I felt the sudden shift in whatever it was that was going on between us. Emily may have been a concerned older sister, but she was acting differently toward me. And I may have been the forlorn rejected boyfriend, but I wasn’t pushing her away.
“She’s stupid, Noah,” she said, moving closer so that I could feel her body against my leg. “She’s blowing it.”
The backyard was dark, save for the Jacuzzi lights illuminating us. The water lapped gently against the walls, and I was aware of how loud the stillness was.
“It’s fine,” I said, not looking away from her.
She shook her head slowly. “I’m not stupid.”
She pushed harder against my leg under the water for a moment, then pushed herself out of the water onto the edge of the deck, next to me.
“Let me show you,” she whispered, leaning into me.
Her mouth found mine, and I didn’t resist. My stomach twisted with both guilt and excitement. She pulled me down into the water, lifted my shirt over my head. I distinctly remember seeing it float in the water next to us.
She moved back away from me, and I followed her to the other side of the Jacuzzi. When I reached her, the black bikini top was gone.
