'She's not going to sleep in either tent,' Olaf decided. 'There's a large covered casserole dish in the trunk. She can sleep in there.'
'Will she be safe in a casserole dish?' Esmй said. 'Remember, Olaf honey, if she dies then we can't get our hands on the fortune.'
'There are a few holes in the top so she can breathe,' Olaf said, 'and the cover will protect her from the snow gnats.'
'Snow gnats?' asked Hugo.
'Snow gnats are well-organized, ill-tempered insects,' Count Olaf explained, 'who live in cold mountain areas and enjoy stinging people for no reason whatsoever. I've always been fond of them.'
'Nonat,' Sunny said, which meant 'I didn't notice any such insects outside,' but no one paid any attention.
'Won't she run away if no one's watching her?' asked Kevin.
'She wouldn't dare,' Count Olaf said, 'and even if she tried to survive in the mountains by herself, we could see where she went. That's why we're staying here at the summit. We'll know if the brat escapes, or if anyone's coming after us, because we can see everything and everyone for miles and miles.'
'Eureka,' Sunny said, before she could stop herself. She meant something along the lines of, 'I've just realized something,' but she had not meant to say it out loud.
'Stop your babbling and get busy, you fanged brat!' Esmй Squalor said, and slammed the car door shut. Sunny could hear the laughing of the troupe and the crunching of potato chips as she walked slowly back to the trunk to find the tents.
It is often quite frustrating to arrange all of the cloth and the poles so that a tent works correctly, which is why I have always preferred to stay in hotels or rented castles, which also have the added attractions of solid walls and maid service. Sunny, of course, had the extra disadvantages of trying to do it herself, in the dark, when she was still fairly new at walking and was worried about her siblings. But the youngest Baudelaire had a history of performing Herculean tasks, a phrase which here means 'managing to do incredibly difficult things.' As I'm sure you know, if you are ever forced to do something very difficult, it often helps to think of something inspiring to keep you going. When Sunny had engaged in a sword-and-tooth fight at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, for instance, she thought of how much she cared for her siblings, and it helped her defeat the evil Dr. Orwell. When Sunny climbed up an elevator shaft at 667 Dark Avenue, she had concentrated on her friends the Quagmires, and how much she wanted to rescue them, and before too long she had reached the penthouse apartment. So, as Sunny dug a hole in the frozen ground with her teeth so the tent poles would stay in place, she thought of something that inspired her, and oddly enough it was something that Count Olaf had said, about being able to see everything and everyone for miles and miles. As Sunny assembled the tents, and gazed down every so often at the slippery slope of the frozen waterfall, she decided that she would not try to sneak away from Olaf and his troupe. She would not to try to sneak anywhere. Because if you could see everything and everyone from Mount Fraught, that also meant everything and everyone, including Violet and Klaus Baudelaire, would be able to see her.
Chapter Four
That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, due to the fact that the Earth travels around and around the sun reminding everyone that it is time to get out of bed and start the day with a cup of coffee or a secret message folded up into a paper airplane that can sail out the barred window of a ranger station. But in this case, the phrase 'a dark day' means 'a sad time in the history of the Baudelaire children, V.F.D., and all kind, brave, and well-read people in the world.' But Violet and Klaus Baudelaire, of course, had no idea of the catastrophe occurring high above them in the Valley of Four Drafts. All they knew was that they were hearing a voice they had hoped never to hear again.
'Go away, cakesniffers!' the voice said. 'This is a private cave!'
'Who are you talking to, Carmelita?' asked another voice. This voice was much louder, and sounded like it belonged to a grown man.
'I can see two shadows in the entrance of the cave, Uncle Bruce,' said the first voice, 'and to me they look like cakesniffers.'
The back of the cave echoed with giggling, and Violet and Klaus looked at one another in dismay. The familiar voice belonged to Carmelita Spats, the nasty little girl whom the Baudelaires had encountered at Prufrock Preparatory School. Carmelita had taken an instant dislike to the three siblings, calling them unpleasant names and generally making life miserable at the academy. If you have ever been a student, then you know that there is usually one such person at every school and that once you have graduated you hope never to see them again. The two elder Baudelaires had enough troubles in the Mortmain Mountains without running into this unpleasant person, and at the sound of her voice they almost turned around and took their chances once more with the snow gnats swarming outside.
'Two shadows?' asked the second voice. 'Identify yourselves, please.'
'We're mountain travelers,' Violet called from the entrance. 'We lost our way and ran into a swarm of snow gnats. Please let us rest here for a moment, while the smell of smoke scares them away, and then we'll be on our way.'
'Absolutely not!' replied Carmelita, who sounded even nastier than usual. 'This is where the Snow Scouts are camping, on their way to celebrate False Spring and crown me queen. We don't want any cakesniffers spoiling our fun.'
'Now, now, Carmelita,' said the voice of the grown man. 'Snow Scouts are supposed to be accommodating, remember? It's part of the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge. And it would be very accommodating of us to offer these strangers the shelter of our cave.'
'I don't want to be accommodating,' Carmelita said. 'I'm the False Spring Queen, so I get to do whatever I want.'
'You're not the False Spring Queen yet, Carmelita,' came the patient voice of a young boy. 'Not until we dance around the Spring-pole. Do come in, travelers, and sit by the fire. We're happy to accommodate you.'
'That's the spirit, kid,' said the voice of the grown man. 'Come on, Snow Scouts, let's all say the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge together.'
Instantly the cave echoed with the sound of many voices speaking in perfect unison, a phrase which here means 'reciting a list of very odd words at the very same time.' 'Snow Scouts,' recited the Snow Scouts, 'are accommodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone, young, and zippered — every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long!'
The two Baudelaires looked at one another in confusion. Like many pledges, the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge had not made much sense, and Violet and Klaus tried to imagine how a scout could be 'calm' and 'meek' at the same time as being 'frisky' and 'jumping,' or how all these children could avoid being 'young' or 'human,' even if they wanted to. They couldn't figure out why the pledge suggested being all these things 'every morning,' 'every afternoon,' and 'every night,' and then added 'all day long,' or why the word 'xylophone' appeared in the pledge at all. But they did not have much time to wonder, because when the pledge was over, the Snow Scouts all took a big breath and made a long, airy sound, as if they were imitating the wind outside, and this seemed even more strange.
'That's my favorite part,' said the voice of the grown man, when the sound faded away. 'There's nothing like ending the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge with a snowy sound. Now approach, travelers, so we can get a look at you.'
'Let's keep the coat over our faces,' Klaus whispered to his sister. 'Carmelita might recognize us.'
'And the other scouts have probably seen our pictures in
