“And I want it slower. Believe me, we’ll both get to the same place eventually.” He whispered the words against her skin, causing her to shiver.
Grace shook her head in denial. He was going too slowly. Giving her too much time to think. She needed him hot and hard and fast, and she moved under him frantically, trying to bend him to her will. She squeezed his hardness in her hand and began pumping him up and down.
“I don’t think so,” Gabe said, grabbing her hand and anchoring it with his own. “If you do that, this will be over much too fast.”
“That’s the idea.” She didn’t recognize the throaty purr when she spoke. He was doing this all wrong. He kissed his way to her lips, his mouth soft and moist against her. The kiss was sweet—loving—as he stroked the inside of her mouth with his tongue. He didn’t give her room to evade, to shield herself from everything it meant. She lost herself in the kiss, the room spinning around her in delirium as she didn’t know which way was up, only that Gabe was her anchor in the storm.
He moved from her mouth and trailed wet kisses lower, stopping to savor the taste of each nipple. Circling the stiffened peaks with his tongue and sucking gently, making her cry out as each suckle pulled at something low in her womb. He kissed his way even lower, leaving a wet trail.
“Stop it, Gabe. This isn’t what I want.” She pushed against his head, but he wouldn’t be deterred.
“Just stop thinking and enjoy.” He swirled his tongue in the dip of her belly button and then lower into the moist curls between her thighs.
“I’ve always loved the way you tasted,” he said, inhaling the scent of her arousal. “Sweet, like honey. God, you’re so wet and ready for me.”
His mouth clamped over her clit and she couldn’t help the moan that tore from her throat. He was relentless, and his tongue flicked across the nub unmercifully until she was screaming with pleasure. She buried her fingers in his hair and rode the wave that pushed her over the edge.
She fell back limply on the bed, her body slicked with a light sheen of sweat. Her heart thudded in her chest, and colors danced behind her closed eyes. She shivered again as she felt the flat of his tongue licking her slowly like a cat with a bowl of cream. The heat started to build again.
“I can’t take any more,” she pleaded.
“Liar.” He grabbed her ass with both hands and lifted her to his mouth like a starving man at a banquet table, and he devoured her until she was begging for mercy. Her climax slammed through her, and it was still going strong as he moved over her and pushed inside the pulsing walls of her pussy.
“Fuck, you’re tight.”
Grace was incapable of speech. She’d been making love to this man for almost a decade, and she’d never felt anything like what was happening to her now. Her body was no longer her own, just as she knew Gabe’s body no longer belonged to him. They were truly melded—mind, body and spirit.
He grabbed her hips and changed the angle, thrusting deep so the tip of his cock hit against her womb. An orgasm rolled through her again, and her legs tightened around him, holding him closer. He thrust against her one last time before she felt him swell and release his seed inside of her.
She didn’t remember falling asleep.
Grace didn’t know how long she slept or what time it was. She just knew that when she woke, she was still in Gabe’s arms. It felt good to be there, but she didn’t deserve anything good in her life, so she moved out of his grasp as punishment to herself.
He ignored her movement and pulled her back against him, rubbing her head gently and tangling their legs together.
“It was my fault.” She could barely get the words past her dry throat as she broke the silence between them.
“What?” Gabe asked, leaning over her so he could see her face.
Her eyes were dry. She didn’t think there were any more tears left in her.
“Maddie’s death was my fault. I should have known we were being watched. It was my job to know. But we went to the park that day anyway. I wanted to spend some more time with her because I’d been given a job in South America, and I was supposed to leave the next day. Whoever took the shot was good. I didn’t hear the report until she was already down, and by then it was too late.”
Gabe stroked her back, and she slowed her breathing, trying to get the images from that day out of her mind. “I kept waiting for my turn. I kept hoping for it as I held her. But the second shot never came, and I knew that living was going to be its own kind of death. Everything I’d been trained for failed me that day. I never even noticed them.”
“Believe me, Grace. Tussad can afford to hire the best. You can’t blame yourself for this. Sometimes bad things just happen, and you can’t question why. I liked it a lot better when you were putting the blame on my shoulders.”
She tried to smile, but her face seemed frozen. “I wanted to blame you. You were the most convenient target. But it wasn’t your fault. I understand the burden you carry with your job, Gabe. I didn’t want to understand at that time, but someone has to do it. And no one’s better at it than you are.”
“If Tussad hadn’t found out I was undercover, none of this would have happened.”
“I’ve stopped trying to play the ‘What if’ game. Nothing will bring her back. I don’t know if I can finish this job with you. I’m no good anymore. My instincts are off, and Ethan was right. I’m no better than a mercenary, though I do have my standards as to who I’ll work for.”
“I know that. I’ve been keeping track of you the last couple of years.”
“I needed the money the side jobs brought. I couldn’t afford to pay my contacts to keep track of Tussad. He moves so frequently, and I had to make sure I’d be told whenever he surfaced. But every lead I’ve gotten has been a dead end.”
“I know, baby. I understand why you’ve made the choices you have. You don’t have anything to justify to anyone.”
“But I’m not the same person I was, Gabe. You saw what happened back in Iran. I never know when it’s going to happen. Anything can set it off—a group of schoolchildren walking down the street, a family having a picnic. Making it through a job without losing focus is rare. I know it’s dangerous, but I can’t seem to find the strength to care.”
She longed to tell him what had finally sent her over the edge, and the words were almost on the tip of her tongue before he spoke.
“Do you know the reason I really left the agency?”
Grace turned partially over onto her back so she could face him. Her nipples rubbed against the soft mat of his chest hair, and she found the familiarity of it bittersweet.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I stopped caring. I started taking ops that were no more than suicide missions. I had to have that element of danger that made me think,
“And now?”
“Forming The Collective has kept me busy. I’ve worked eighteen-hour days for the past year so I wouldn’t have to remind myself that I should be dead. To remind myself that I can’t kill Tussad if I’m six feet under.”
“You have to promise me something, Gabe.” Grace could tell by the stiffening of Gabe’s body and the hard look that came into his eyes that he already knew what she was going to say.
“No, I won’t do it. We go in together and we come out together. Those are the rules.”
“No, Gabe. This is what the rest of my life is meant for. I know it with certainty. I will gladly trade my life for Tussad’s. You have to promise me that when it’s time to take him out, that I go it alone. If I don’t make it, you have to swear you won’t jeopardize your own life by trying to get me out. What you do is too important to risk yourself.”
“Shut up, Grace. I’m not even going to have this discussion. I’d never send anyone on my team on a suicide mission.” Gabe sat up on the side of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. “We’re all worth too much, not just me. I swear to you we’ll find a way to get to Tussad. It might take some time, but we’ll get him. You’ve got to trust me on this.”
