Norwegian by Night

like a punch into the man’s lower jaw, dropping him immediately. Then, for good measure, he jabbed the other guy in the nose and watched him drop behind the desk like a clown in a tank of water.

This is when Sheldon took Saul’s hand and led him from the country club, certain he would not be pursued and that the cops would not be coming for him. The only thing worse for an anti-Semite than a Jew is being beaten up by a Jew. The fewer people who knew about it, the better.

When they were good and far from the scene of the scene, Sheldon spun Saul around and wagged his finger at him and said this:

This country is what you make it. You understand that? It isn’t good and it isn’t bad. It’s just what you make it. That means you don’t make excuses for America’s bullshit. That’s what the Nazis and Commies do. The fatherland. The motherland. America isn’t your parent. It’s your kid. And today, I made America a place where you get your nose broken for telling a Jew he can’t play a round of golf. The only one allowed to tell me I can’t play golf is the ball.

Saul was wide-eyed, and clearly had no idea what his father was saying.

It was, however, a moment that Saul would never forget.

And, unlike the Cuban missile crisis, it ruined the whole day.

Chapter 12

Sigrid has received so many calls since the murder made the newspapers that she has donned a headset with a microphone in order to get some work done. The calls, she has decided, have nothing to do with her job.

In Norway, the police operate under the authority of the district offices of both the Prosecuting Authority and the National Police Directorate, allowing people like Sigrid to get slapped on both sides of her face at the same time.

This one, for example, comes from the chief of police for her district. She takes it with her eyes closed, as one does a colonoscopy.

‘How’s it going?’

‘Fine, thank you.’

‘Need help?’

‘No. It happened yesterday. I think we’re doing fine.’

‘Pretty political, all this.’

‘Yes, I suppose it is.’

‘You have a suspect, right? This Serbian?’

‘Kosovar. And we suspect him, but we don’t have any direct evidence of his involvement. So I can’t charge him. And, for the moment, I also can’t find him.’

‘Muslim, right?’

‘Probably, but I don’t think religion is relevant to the case. Nationality may be. I’m not sure yet — it’s too soon to establish motive.’

‘Do you have any other suspects?’

Sigrid opens her eyes and looks around. Then she shuts them again. Something about being blind feels appropriate to the conversation.

‘There is someone we’re listing as a “person of concern”.’

‘What is that?’

‘It’s a new category I made up.’

‘Can you do that?’

‘I think so.’

‘Who is it?’

‘His name is Sheldon Horowitz.’

‘Albanian?’

‘Jewish.’

There is a very long pause on the other end of the phone.

A Very. Long. Pause.

The chief whispers. ‘Jewish?’

‘Jewish,’ Sigrid says, not whispering.

‘An Israeli spy? Mossad?’

‘No. Not Israeli. Jewish. He’s American. He’s an old Marine who may be suffering from dementia. Or sadness. Or something. He’s in his eighties.’

‘The Israelis are hiring old American Marines?’

‘This has nothing to do with Israel, and no.’

‘You said this has nothing to do with religion, but then said his name is Jewish.’

‘Yes, his name is Jewish.’

‘But you said religion doesn’t matter. But nationality does. So I said Israel.’

‘He’s not Israeli. He’s American. An American Marine.’

‘But… Jewish?’

‘And… Jewish.’

‘Why do Jews have Jewish names?’

Sigrid stares at the burnt-out light bulb.

‘Is this a trick question, chief?’

‘No, what I mean is… Norwegians don’t have Lutheran names; we have Norwegian names. And the French don’t have Catholic names; they have French names. And the Catholics don’t have Catholic names either, and the Muslims don’t have Muslim names. As far as I know. Though I suppose Mohammed is a Muslim name. So why do the Jews have Jewish names?’

‘Mohammed is a first name. Not a last name.’

‘That’s a very good point.’

‘If I had to take a guess…’ Sigrid says, wondering why she should guess, when surely someone else knows the answer to this, ‘I’d say… because the Jews were a tribe at least a thousand years before Norwegians, French, or Catholics ever existed. Maybe things were more combined back then. Like… with the Vikings. So if there were still Vikings, and they lived in different countries, they’d have Viking names. I guess.’

‘Do you think there were any Jewish Vikings?’ asks the chief.

‘I suspect that if there were Jewish Vikings it would have surfaced in conversation by now.’

‘Are the Palestinians involved?’

‘In what?’

‘The murder.’

Sigrid looks to the ceiling, eyes now open, for the hand of God to rescue her from this moment. She sees instead thin, old, cracked paint.

‘There are no Palestinians involved in this crime. There are no Israelis. There are no Arabs. None of it has anything to do with the Middle East. At all.’

‘But there are Jews.’

‘There is one single, solitary, old, probably confused, and definitely American, Jew. Who didn’t do anything wrong, may I add.’

‘Who concerns you.’

‘Who apparently concerns us all.’

‘The world is bigger than Oslo.’

‘I’ve seen the pictures, chief.’

‘So if you need help, you’ll ask.’

‘I have your number right here.’