Come Back to Me

‘Amy, I…’

‘Al, go home. Mum and Dad are here now… I don’t need…’

She cut the sentence short, but he had no doubt about which word she had faltered at.

‘Okay,’ he said, getting up, heading over to grab his things. ‘I see.’

He could hear her ragged breathing, and, just for a moment, he looked at her face. The appeal in it was plain.

‘This is silly, Amy. Do you want me to stay?’

She shook her head, still crying silently.

He couldn’t bear this. ‘For CHRIST’s -’

The door opened and Amy’s parents were back. Amy’s mother looked alarmed to find Alex yelling at her daughter. Amy’s father’s face instantly clouded with anger. Before either of them could do any more, Alex grabbed his things, and without a word or a look at anybody, he walked out the door.

47

Amy was in turmoil. She loved Alex so desperately, but now she was not the same. He hadn’t changed; but she had transformed. She was ugly and scarred. He didn’t love this girl – how could he, he didn’t even know her. At the moment he was just holding out, hoping that the woman he knew was still there somewhere. But Amy was certain that person was gone for good.

So she had thought, perhaps I should let him go for good too. Better he leaves and I can make our happiness into a dearly held dream, than he stays and I watch his love for me gradually wither and die.

She had thought all this, and yet watching him leave, upset and angry, sent a fresh pain through her, overwhelming her aching body. She would have called out, but the appearance of her parents made her pause, and then he was gone.

Her father smiled at her as though he hadn’t noticed Alex’s swift departure. ‘I have good news,’ he said, coming across to her bedside and taking her hand.

‘What is it?’ she asked. She couldn’t imagine what it might be, but she longed to hear it.

‘They say you’re healing well. You can be discharged in a couple of days.’

‘Oh.’

She hadn’t really contemplated leaving the hospital – her thoughts had been focused on all she had lost, her past life and her future one, her dimorphic existence, not the progression of the current days and hours, which seemed unbearably long and pointless.

Noting her lack of enthusiasm, her father said, ‘I’ve spoken to Thompson. They’re at a standstill. He says there’s no point us waiting here in case of arrest. We can always come back.’

Amy nodded, looking at Bug-Eye.

‘Where’s Alex gone?’ her mother asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she said, and burst into another interminable round of tears, feeling quite revolted at the sound of herself.

48

Mark had been silent for most of the drive so far. Chloe watched him as he concentrated on the road, and sighed inwardly. She couldn’t help but think that he was making it worse, for himself most of all. She was desperate to ease the atmosphere.

‘Mark, last weekend…’

‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ he snapped.

‘But -’

‘Chloe, DON’T.’ She almost jumped in her seat. ‘What makes you think I want to relive any part of it?’

‘But it wasn’t that bad,’ she said meekly. ‘It was only -’

‘Bloody hell, Chloe!’ Mark roared. ‘Just leave it, will you.’

‘Okay, okay,’ Chloe capitulated. Then added snippily, ‘Just stop sulking then.’

But Mark didn’t respond to this, and the silence continued to pollute the car.

By the time they arrived, Chloe didn’t know whether to fume or get upset. She was regretting inviting Mark now, seeing as he barely seemed able to hold a conversation with her.

As they pulled into the driveway her mother came rushing out to the car. ‘My darling, it’s so great to see you. You look so well. Have you put on a bit of weight? It suits you. And you must be Mark. Lovely to meet you. Another lawyer, eh? How exciting. Come on, then, everyone’s inside…’ And she headed off still talking over her shoulder. At that moment Chloe was very grateful for the distraction of her mother’s effusive greetings, and they both followed her inside.

By the time Mark had been introduced to Chloe’s aunt and uncle from the Lakes, her aunt and uncle from Ireland, her brother Anthony, her stepfather Charlie, her seven cousins, and their various young offspring, as well as Great Uncle Bill in the corner and a number of family friends, the party was in full swing. Mark immediately got talking to some of the men, and Chloe was distracted by her cousins, particularly Mikaela, who was showing off her new navel piercing and hinting in far too loud a voice that she’d had something else pierced as well, but she’d better not get THAT out or her mother would have a fit.

‘Is it your nipple?’ Tom, the fourteen-year-old Irish cousin, yelled.

‘That would be telling, and you’re too young,’ Mikaela replied, to which Tom squirmed and blushed but looked excited.

‘You’re disgusting, Mikaela,’ said Danielle, Tom’s nineteen-year-old sister, but she still looked intrigued.

Mikaela just smiled at them. ‘Come on, Chlo, let’s leave these kids to it,’ she said, ushering Chloe over to the food table.

‘So are you having them on?’ Chloe asked, loading her plate and taking a bite of a chicken wing.

‘No,’ Mikaela said, heading straight for the desserts at the other end of the table, ‘it’s my… you know.’ She indicated downwards with her eyes.

Chloe choked and spat a disgusting blob of half-chewed chicken out onto her plate. ‘Oh my god. Why would you do that?’

Mikaela laughed. ‘It’s pretty good actually. You only have to move and it sets things off. You should try it.’

‘Bloody hell, no thanks. I can’t believe you let someone do that to you.’

‘Well now, I must admit that bit wasn’t so fun.’

‘What wasn’t so fun?’

Chloe turned to see Mark standing behind them. She felt herself blushing and couldn’t think of what to say. However, Mikaela, while spooning jelly onto her plate, said, ‘I’ve had my labia pierced. I was just telling Chloe about it.’

Chloe was unsurprised to see that Mark reddened at this. ‘I see,’ was all he said, then stood there seeming lost for words. Mikaela turned around, looked at both of them, laughed and said, ‘My god, you two are hilarious,’ then sauntered off, doing a little shudder as though an electric pulse had run through her as she disappeared, which her cousin was sure was solely for effect.

Chloe was uncertain what to say next. ‘Do you want some food?’ she asked, gesturing at the plates.

‘No, I’m okay. Look, Chloe, do you mind if… if I head off?’

Chloe laughed. ‘Head off where? We’re in the middle of nowhere.’

‘Back to London.’

She stopped laughing. ‘You’re not serious. We’ve only been here a few hours. It took us five bloody hours to get here!’

‘It’s just I’ve got a lot of work on, and I need to get through it before Christmas.’

‘I see.’