she had felt a little better. She started to believe that if she didn’t think too far back or too far ahead, she could do this, she could ride out this period of uncertainty without completely falling apart. In fact, she began to feel strangely empowered. The situation with Alex couldn’t turn her into a wreck. Work couldn’t break her. The baby was too important for her to come undone. No, when Alex returned, he’d be surprised to find her more confident, more self-assured, and more composed. No more doubting, no more worrying. She was done with that. She had found a way through.
And then the phone rang.
‘Chloe?’
It took Chloe a couple of seconds to place the voice. ‘June?’
‘Yes, Chloe.’ June’s voice sounded nervous.
‘Is it Mum?’
‘Yes, I’m afraid so. She’s in hospital.’
‘Oh my god,’ Chloe cried. ‘What’s happened?’
‘I’m not sure, they think it might be a heart attack,’ June whispered. ‘I’m so sorry, Chloe. We’re on our way there now.’
Chloe was already standing up, throwing things into her bag. ‘I’m on my way too,’ she said, ascertained exactly which hospital they were heading for, and hung up.
Even in the face of something so urgent Chloe baulked at telling Neil she was leaving the office again. The whole sorry mess of her life felt like it was crashing down on top of her once more. She fired off a brief email to Neil before she switched her computer off, then hurried out of the building after a quick word with Jana, praying she wouldn’t bump into anybody else, and grateful at least for that small mercy when she got outside unchallenged.
It took forty-five anxious minutes on the stop-start tube for her to reach home. At least once she was in her car and driving she felt more in control, with something practical to keep her occupied, although all road sense seemed to have deserted her and she had about half a dozen near misses. She was surprised there weren’t any blue flashing lights behind her yet, as she had taken no notice of any speed limits, going as fast as the traffic allowed. So much so, that now she had nearly reached Kendal, where the hospital was located, in what must have been record time from London.
Her phone began to ring as she negotiated a roundabout, and she pulled it out of her bag, her eyes darting back to the road and adjusting her steering as she veered towards the kerb, but not wanting to stop.
She snapped it open without looking at the caller. ‘Hi.’
‘Chloe, it’s June. Your mum’s been discharged. We’ve brought her home. Don’t go to the hospital, come to the house instead.’
‘Discharged? After a heart attack? That doesn’t sound right.’
‘Just come to the house, love – where are you now?’
‘Kendal.’
‘Great; well, we’ll see you soon.’
Chloe hung up, grimaced, and, without indicating, at the next roundabout went all the way round to go back in the direction she’d just come, causing an irritated motorist to honk his horn at her. She resisted the temptation to give him the finger.
It took her another forty minutes to reach the laneways near her mother’s house, and as she did so, the phone rang again.
‘Hi,’ she said, holding the mobile sandwiched between ear and neck to allow her hands to remain on the steering wheel.
‘Chloe, it’s Mark. What’s going on? Jana said your mum is ill.’
‘Yes, heart attack,’ Chloe replied, frantically turning the steering wheel at a tight bend. ‘I’m nearly there now.’
‘Where?’
‘Lake District.’
‘Christ. Chloe, I’m so sorry…’
Chloe felt tears welling again. God, she was so
‘Okay, but ring me later, won’t you? Let me know you’re okay.’
‘Thanks, I will.’
She hung up, gritting her teeth, and threw the phone onto the passenger seat. The conversation she’d just had should have been with Alex, not Mark.
June came out of the front door of Chloe’s mother’s house before Chloe had even stopped the engine. As soon as she got out of the car she was enfolded in a hug, and Chloe responded for a moment, before pulling back and looking at June’s face, reassured to see only concern there.
‘Where’s Mum?’ Chloe asked.
‘Right this way,’ June said, leading her towards the front door, when George appeared.
‘June -’ he said.
‘Just let her see Margaret,’ June replied, not looking at him, trying to usher Chloe inside.
Chloe stopped for a moment. This was a little odd. The two of them seemed tense, and terse with one another.
‘What’s going on?’ she asked.
‘Nothing,’ June demurred in an overly bright voice, as George said, ‘Chloe, a word,’ and motioned her back towards the driveway.
‘George -’ June began, but he raised his hand to quieten her.
‘We’ll be there in a minute,’ he said.
June shook her head but went inside.
Chloe was alarmed by all the subterfuge. ‘What’s going on, George?’
He looked solemnly at her over his half-moon specs. ‘Your mother called from hospital this morning, saying she’d had a heart attack. So, June called you and we went down there, and waited while they did some tests… But, apparently, it wasn’t a heart attack after all, it was an anxiety attack.’
Chloe stared at him, dumbfounded. She was aching and tired from racing up to see her mother, thinking she was critically ill, to find out she had had
‘She seems fine now,’ George continued. ‘I just thought I should warn you, as I think June might have misled you on the phone this morning – unintentionally, of course. She was very worried at the time.’
Chloe nodded, still at a loss for words. She followed George into the house, and they walked through looking for her mother, who was eventually located in the kitchen.
Ironing.
‘Chloe, darling!’ her mother trilled as she broke off from flattening the sleeve of a blouse and came around the ironing board to embrace her. ‘You’re such a sweetheart to come. Silly me, thinking it was a heart attack, but I couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, and then I felt so terribly dizzy, it was like I was getting sucked into a big black hole, and so I called the ambulance. And they were ever so nice, in the ambulance, they figured out it was nothing pretty quickly, but they took me in and did all the tests anyway, and said that, actually, I’ve got a first-class ticker, how about that?’ She began to set about the sleeve with gusto. ‘June and George have been marvellous, of course,’ she said, finally pulling the blouse off the board and searching a nearby laundry basket for a hanger. She smiled across at June as she said this, and June, who was filling the kettle, smiled back.
There was silence as they all waited for Chloe to say something. George still looked sombre, while June was engrossed in finding tea bags, and Margaret was smiling beatifically at Chloe.
When Chloe finally spoke, it didn’t sound much like herself, but the words were definitely coming from her mouth in a stream of bilious abuse.
‘You selfish, selfish woman,’ she spat, watching the two women’s expressions become startled, and noticing somewhere in her subconscious that George was registering absolutely no surprise at her words. ‘I have driven
