Breathe

files, signs of a monastic existence.

‘How can I do that if I can’t see their past complaints?’

‘Their past complaints have been dealt with.’ Tick. Cross. Cross.

‘How do I know that?’

Now she looks up. ‘Because I’m telling you.’

‘I need to see their personal histories. Can you grant me access?’

‘You ask a lot of questions.’

‘I’m not getting many answers.’

‘Then you’ll have to come up with some of your own. Your predecessor was very opinionated, Mr Harper.’

‘You make it sound like a bad thing.’

‘It was for him. Opinions are valid only if someone wants them.’

Don’t rise to it, he tells himself, and leaves. Not a great start. He has to learn to control his mouth.

Ben walks over to Miranda’s workstation. ‘Is there any reason why I wouldn’t be able to access any health reports?’

‘After Felix disappeared, Clarke rerouted everything.’ Miranda points to the man in the photo-frame on Ben’s desk, leans forward and whispers. ‘His name was Felix Draycott. He vanished three weeks ago. Worked late one night, failed to turn up the next morning. Didn’t even come back to empty his desk. We were told stress.’

‘What happened to him?’

‘You tell me. You’re Health and Safety.’ She curls a finger between his shirt buttons, drawing him closer. ‘Oh, but there’s something else. Something really weird.’

‘Miranda, it’s my first day.’ He removes her hand, although he likes the touch.

‘I could make it your last.’

‘Please don’t do this.’

‘Come on, Ben, it’s your job to listen and make a report.’ She opens her desk and takes out an expensive man’s watch. ‘His watch was still in his desk. He took it off while he was working because he said his computer affected it. What kind of man would leave a job without taking his Rolex with him? And that’s not all –’ But Miss Fitch is passing with sheaves of paperwork, a one-woman hardcopy industry. ‘Meet us for lunch later. That’s all I ask.’

‘Us?’ asks Ben. ‘Who’s us?’

The dining room is as far from a canteen as Ben can imagine – a brushed steel kitchen galley with modular cream resin seats, a seventies-influenced lunch area set in a tall tropical plant-filled atrium. Even the flowers smell real. The food, too, is fashionably seventies; coq au vin, chicken chasseur, trout with almonds. Miranda takes Ben to a table. As she does so, she points out another staff member, a balding thirty-year-old with a fussy attitude who’s talking earnestly to Fitch.

‘Who’s that?’

‘Mr Swan. He’s Fitch’s bitch, company spy. If you complain about anything, he’ll spout the rules and offer you anger-management courses. I’m on his shitlist; there’s a surprise. Fitch is a secret drinker. Eats breath-strips to cover it up but forgets to throw away the empties. She has no life. You can imagine. All the men around here are going bald. Weak sperm or something. Comes from sitting too close to the monitors.’

Mr Clarke clumps past. Ben can’t help but notice that he has one leg shorter than the other. The boot tends to draw attention to itself.

‘That has to be Mr Clarke. He was supposed to be at my interview, but I think he was off sick.’

‘He’s the one to be scared of. The head of the department, Felix’s old boss. He was the last one to see Felix. Don’t stare at the boot.’ She waves. ‘Hey, Meera, June.’

‘Hey, Miranda.’ Meera Mangeshkar is a harassed-looking Indian staff member clad in a garish sari, and armed with stacks of zip-drives. June is a heavy-set Caribbean woman with a kind face that naturally reposes in a smile. They join them at the lunch table and shake Ben’s hand in turn.

‘This is Ben. He’s Felix’s replacement.’

‘Oh, wow.’ They give him weird, knowing looks.

‘Nice to meet you, Ben,’ says Meera politely.

‘Meera is our IT genius,’ Miranda tells him. ‘She’s been penalised for breaking the dress code.’

‘If you get ten points against you, you’re suspended,’ Meera explains. ‘I’m up to nine.’

‘You sound quite proud of it,’ says Ben.

‘I’m here to make the machines look good. Apart from that, I’m invisible. So I don’t wear the kind of regulation IT clothes they expect you to wear, and then I’m not invisible.’

‘Nice thinking.’

‘Nice tie.’ Meera flicks his Tootal with a grin. ‘This is June Ayson. She was suspended.’

‘For being over office target weight.’ June pinches an inch through her sweater. ‘I’ve got a month left to lose fifteen pounds.’

Ben is appalled. ‘You’re telling me they have a weight limit here?’

‘Well, they can’t have a colour bar, and they had to think of something.’ June doesn’t seem too concerned. She smiles, even, white teeth like peppermint pellets. Perhaps she’s crazy. Perhaps they’re all crazy.

‘Am I right in thinking you’re all in trouble with the management?’ asks Ben. The group’s silence answers his question.

‘Oh, well, that’s just great.’

‘Listen to me, Ben,’ says Miranda. ‘I know you want to keep your nose clean, but we need your help. There’s something very fucking weird going on here. It’s the building.’

‘Yeah,’ June agrees, ‘it has bad vibrations. Strange stuff happens all the time.’

Ben is deeply unconvinced. ‘Like what? Poor feng shui? You’ve even got a fountain.’

‘It makes you want to wee all the time,’ says June.

‘Okay, but you’ve got everything you could want here.’

Miranda has her cynical face on again. ‘Yeah, maybe too much. Ask any of the staff. They all have problems. Everyone talked to Felix because he was Health and Safety. He made a report of his findings. He delivered it, and then he disappeared.’

‘I don’t see how I can –’

Miranda sighs, like he’s missing the point. ‘Clarke had a copy of Felix’s report. He was supposed to present it to Dracula.’

‘Wait, there are vampires now?’

‘Dr Hugo Samphire. Chief bloodsucker, the Chairman of SymaxCorp. I searched Clarke’s office one night, but I couldn’t find it. Maybe you’ll have more luck.’

Ben raises his hands in protest. He feels like he’s waded out into a river, only to feel the current tugging him away. ‘Whoa, whoa, back up! Search his office? If I cause any trouble, they’ll kick me out.’

‘Only if they find out the truth about you.’ Miranda smiles sweetly.

Ben feels himself losing his temper. ‘Are you trying to blackmail me? This is my first day, for Christ’s sake.’

Miranda leans close and threatening, taps him on the wrist with her dessert spoon. ‘Listen pal, before Felix’s computer was cleaned out, Meera tried to burn a disk of his files, but his system refused to make a copy, and flagged up the request to Clarke.’

Ben looks from one face to the next. ‘This is a joke, right?’

‘Don’t look at me,’ warns Meera, ‘I can’t even be seen talking to you. I’m on my last point.’

‘You could try wearing a skirt,’ Ben tells her. ‘I bet you’ve never even been to India. Why look for trouble?’

‘Jesus, it’s not like I’m asking you to commit a crime, Ben.’ Miranda throws the spoon down.

Ben is totally irritated by her attitude. She acts like she owns the place. ‘You told Felix something “weird” was going on, and now you think he was, like, silenced or something, and you don’t even know what he found out!’