And that would have settled that, no doubt, but for a queer chance. I had been sitting with my lance at rest, the point six feet above my head, and some of the pi-dog's blood dribbled down onto my hand; I gave an exclamation of disgust, and turning to Iqbal, who was sitting silently behind, I said:
'Khabadar, rissaldar! Larnce sarf karo, juldi!' which is to say,
'Look out, sergeant-major. Take this lance and get it clean, quickly.'
And with that I tossed it to him. He caught it, and I turned back to take my leave of Crawford. He had stopped in the act of pulling his palankeen curtains.
'Here, Flashman,' says he. 'How long have you been in India?
What, three weeks, you say? But you speak the lingo, dammit!'
'Only a word or two, sir.'
'Don't tell me, sir; I heard several words. Damned sight more than I learned in thirty years. Eh, Bennet? Too many 'ee's' and 'urn's'
for me. But that's damned extraordinary, young man. How'd you pick it up?'
I did more explaining, about my gift for languages, and he shook his bald head and said he'd never heard the like. 'A born linguist and a born lancer, bigod. Rare combination - too dam' good for Company cavalry - all ride like pigs, anyway. Look here, young Flashman, I can't think at this time in the morning. You call on me tonight, d'ye hear?
We'll go into this further. Hey, Bennet?'
And presently away he went, but I did call on him that evening, resplendent in my Cherrypicker togs, as he called them, and he looked at me and said:
'By God, Emily Eden mustn't miss this! She'd never forgive me!'
To my surprise, this was his way of indicating that I should go with him to the Governor-General's palace, where he was due for dinner, so of course I went, and had the privilege of drinking lemonade with their excellencies on their great marble verandah, while a splendid company stood about, like a small court, and I saw more quality in three seconds than in my three weeks in Calcutta. Which was very pleasant, but Crawford almost spoiled it by telling Lord Auckland about my duel with Bernier, at which he and Lady Emily, who was his sister, looked rather stiff- they were a stuffy pair, I thought - until I said fairly coolly to Crawford that I would have avoided the whole business if I could, but it had been forced upon me.
At this Auckland nodded approval, and when it came out that I had been under Arnold at Rugby, the old bastard became downright civil.
Lady Emily was even more so - thank God for Cherrypicker pants - and when she discovered I was only nineteen years old she nodded sadly, and spoke of the fair young shoots on the tree of empire.
She asked about my family, and when she learned I had a wife in England, she said:
'So young to be parted. How hard the service is.'
Her brother observed, fairly drily, that there was nothing to prevent an officer having his wife in India with him, but I muttered something about winning my spurs, an inspired piece of nonsense which pleased Lady E. Her brother remarked that an astonishing number of young officers somehow survived the absence of a wife's consolation, and Crawford chortled, but Lady E. was on my side by now, and giving them her shoulder, asked where I was to be stationed.
I told her, and since it seemed to me that if I played my cards right I might get a more comfortable posting through her interest -
Governor-General's aide was actually in my mind -I indicated that I had no great enthusiasm for Company service.
'Don't blame him, either,' said Crawford. 'Man's a positive Pole on horseback; shouldn't be wasted, eh, Flashman? Speaks Hindustani, too. Heard him.'
'Really?' says Auckland. 'That shows a remarkable zeal in study, Mr Flashman. But perhaps Dr Arnold may be to thank for that.'
'Why must you take Mr Flashman's credit away from him?' says Lady E. 'I think it is quite unusual. I think he should be found a post where his talents can be properly employed. Do you not agree, General?'
'Own views exactly, ma'am,' says Crawford. 'Should have heard him. 'Hey, rissaldar', says he, 'um-tiddly-o- karo', and the fellow understood every word.'
Now you can imagine that this was heady stuff to me; this morning I had been any old subaltern, and here I was hearing compliments from a Governor-General, and General, and the First Lady of India - foolish old trot though she was. You're made, Flashy, I thought; it's the staff for you, and Auckland's next words seemed to bear out my hopes.
'Why not find something for him, then?' says he to Crawford.
'General Elphinstone was saying only yesterday that he would need a few good gallopers.'
Well, it wasn't the top of the tree, but galloper to a General was good enough for the time being.
'Bigod,' says Crawford, 'your excellency's right. What d'you say, Flashman? Care to ride aide to an army commander, hey? Better than Company work at the back of beyond, what?'
I naturally said I would be deeply honoured, and was starting to thank him, but he cut me off.
'You'll be more thankful yet when you know where Elphinstone's service'll take you,' says he, grinning. 'By gad, I wish I was your age and had the same chance. It's a Company army mostly, of course, and a damned good one, but it took 'em a few years of service - as it would have taken you - to get where they wanted to be.'
I looked all eagerness, and Lady E. sighed and smiled together.
'Poor boy,' she said. 'You must not tease him.'
'Well, it will be out by tomorrow, anyway,' says Crawford. 'You don't know Elphinstone, of course, Flashman - commands the Benares Division, or will do until midnight tonight. And then he takes over the Army of the Indus - what about that, eh?'
It sounded all right, and I made enthusiastic noises.
'Aye, you're a lucky dog,' says Crawford, beaming. 'How many young blades would give their right leg for the chance of service with him? In the very place for a dashing lancer to win his spurs, bigad!'
A nasty feeling tickled my spine, and I asked where that might be.
'Why, Kabul, of course,' says he. 'Where else but Afghanistan?'
The old fool actually thought I must be delighted at this news, and of course I had to pretend to be. I
