'England's service,' said she, looking intense.
'The same thing, ma'am,' says I, flown with inspiration, and she cast her eyes down wistfully. The Duke gave what sounded like a little groan.
There was a pause, and then she asked if I was married. I told her I was, but that I and my wife had been parted for the past two years.
'What a cruel separation', says she, as one might say 'What delicious strawberry jam'. But she was sure, she said, that our reunion must be all the sweeter for that parting.
'I know what it means to be a devoted wife, with the dearest of husbands,' she went on, glancing at Albert, and he looked fond and noble. God, I thought, what a honey-moon that must have been.
Then the Duke chimed in, making his farewells, and I realised that this was my cue. We both bowed, and backed away, and she sat looking dumpy on the couch, and then we were in the corridor again, and the Duke was striding off through the hovering attendants.
'Well,' says he, 'you've got a medal no one else will ever have.
Only a few of 'em struck, you see, and then Ellenborough announced that he was giving four of his own, which did not please her majesty at all. So her medal is to be stopped.(29) He was right as it turned out; no one else ever received the medal, with its pink and green ribbon (I suspect Albert chose the colours), and I wear it on ceremonial days along with my Victoria Cross, my American Medal of Honour (for which the republic graciously pays me ten dollars a month), my San Serafino Order of Purity and Truth (richly deserved), and all the other assorted tinware which serves to disguise a cowardly scoundrel as a heroic veteran. We passed through the covey of saluting Guardsmen, bowing officials, and rigid flunkeys to our coach, but there was no getting through the gates at first for the crowd which had collected and was cheering its head off.
'Good old Flashy! Hurrah for Flash Harry! Hip! hip! hooray!'
They clamoured at the railings, waving and throwing up their hats, jostling the sentries, surging in a great press round the gateway, until at last the gates were pushed open and the brougham moved slowly through the struggling mass, all the faces grinning and shouting and the handkerchiefs waving.
'Take off your hat, man,' snaps the Duke, so I did, and they roared again, pressing forward against the sides of the coach, reaching in to clasp my hand, beating on the panels, and making a tremendous racket.
'He's got a medal!' roars someone. 'God save the Queen!'
At that they woke the echoes, and I thought the coach must overturn. I was laughing and waving to them, but what do you suppose I was thinking? This was real glory! Here was I, the hero of the Afghan war, with the Queen's medal on my coat, the world's greatest soldier at my side, and the people of the world's greatest city cheering me to the echo - me! while the Duke sat poker-faced snapping: 'Johnson, can't you get us out of this damned mess?'
What was I thinking? About the chance that had sent me to India? About Elphy Bey? About the horror of the passes on the retreat, or the escape at Mogala when Iqbal died? Of the nightmare of Piper's Fort or that dreadful dwarf in the snake-pit? About Sekundar Burnes?
Or Bernier? Or the women - Josette, Narreeman, Fetnab and the rest?
About Elspeth? About the Queen?
None of these things. Strange, but as the coach won clear and we rattled off down the Mall with the cheers dying behind us, I could hear Arnold's voice saying, 'There is good in you, Flashman,' and I could imagine how he would have supposed himself vindicated at this moment, and preach on 'Courage' in chapel, and pretend to rejoice in the redeemed prodigal - but all the time he would know in his hypocrite heart that I was a rotter still.(30) But neither he nor anyone else would have dared to say so. This myth called bravery, which is half-panic, half-lunacy (in my case, all panic), pays for all; in England you can't be a hero and bad. There's practically a law against it.
Wellington was muttering sharply about the growing insolence of the mob, but he left off to tell me he would set me down at the Horse Guards. When we arrived and I was getting out and thanking him for his kindness, he looks sharply at me, and says:
'I wish you every good fortune, Flashman. You should go far. I don't imagine you're a second Marlborough, mind, but you appear to be brave and you're certainly damned lucky. With the first quality you may easily gain command of an army or two, and lead 'em both to ruin, but with your luck you'll probably lead 'em back again. You have made a good beginning, at all events, and received today the highest honour you can hope for, which is your monarch's mark of favour. Goodbye to you.'
We shook hands, and he drove off. I never spoke to him again.
Years later, though, I told the American general, Robert Lee, of the incident, and he said Wellington was right - I had received the highest honour any soldier could hope for. But it wasn't the medal; for Lee's money it was Wellington's hand.
Neither, I may point out, had any intrinsic value.
I was the object of general admiration at the Horse Guards, of course, and at the club, and finally I took myself home in excellent fettle. It had been raining cats and dogs, but had stopped, and the sun was shining as I ran up the steps. Oswald informed me that Elspeth was above stairs; oho! thinks I, wait till she hears where I've been and who I've seen. She'll be rather more attentive to her lord and master now, perhaps, and less to sprigs of Guardees; I was smiling as I went upstairs, for the events of the after-noon had made my earlier jealousy seem silly, and simply the work of the little bitch Judy.
I walked into the bedroom keeping my left hand over the medal, to surprise her. She was sitting before her glass, as usual, with her maid dressing her hair.
'Harry!' she cries out, 'where have you been? Have you forgot we are to take tea with Lady Chalmers at four-thirty?'
'The devil with Lady Chalmers, and all Chalmerses,' says I. 'Let
'em wait.'
'Oh, how can you say so?' she laughed at me in the mirror. 'But where have you been, looking so splendid?'
'Oh, visiting friends, you know. Young couple, Bert and Vicky.
You wouldn't know 'em.'
'Bert and Vicky!' If Elspeth had developed a fault in my long absence, it was that she had become a complete snob -not uncommon among people of her class. 'Whoever are they?'
I stood behind her, looking at her reflection, and exposed the medal. I saw her eyes light on it, and widen, and then she swung round.
'Harry! What . . . ?'
'I've been to the palace. With the Duke of Wellington. I had this from the Queen - after we had chatted a
