to bring her husband home. She could imagine her coming through the window, big and tall, taking off his blanket, taking his hand, and leading him away from them. She would look at Flora with a spiteful little smile: “I’m taking him now, because he is mine.”
Nathan took her to the biggest shopping center in Kuala Lumpur. It looked just like a large department store in Sweden, and she was amazed at the assortment of goods. She must have forgotten her sunglasses at home, or lost them on the plane. Finally, she would be able to buy a new pair.
Nathan made clear that she could not hold his hand or show any affection because that would be offensive. People just did not show public affection in this country.
“We’ll resume all of this in the hotel room,” he said. He was in a good mood again.
He also thought she should look at some clothes.
“It’ll cheer you up. Women love to shop; just ask an expert like me!”
He had been married twice and had a live-in girlfriend once. There were photos of all his children in graduation outfits or wedding dresses on the living room shelf. He had six children. She asked about their mothers, punished herself with details.
“Ann-Marie is the mother of these two. They look like her, same blue eyes, but thank God not the same mental status, if I may say so. Nettan is the mother of the twin girls and Mikke, the boy. I was legally married to both Ann-Marie and Nettan, for five and seven years respectively. After that, I’ve been careful not to get married. When I met Barbro, we agreed to just live together. She also didn’t want to get married. She had just gotten divorced from some crazy guy who used to beat her up. I lived with her for four or five years. Little Jenny is ours.”
He was very proud of Jenny, who was a model. A thin girlish young woman with doe-eyes, a copy of her mother.
“And then, did you live by yourself?”
He waved his hand.
“In a matter of speaking.”
“Why did it never work out? Are you so difficult to live with?”
“All three had one thing in common: they were a bit hysterical.”
“What do you mean hysterical?”
“I don’t want to go into that now.”
“Am I also hysterical?”
“Not what I’ve seen so far. But if I notice it, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“And which one was the best in bed?”
He pushed her into his bed, lay over her, put a hand over her mouth.
“The first one is you, the second one is you, the third one is you, Darling.”
She looked through the clothes, but everything was too small. Malaysian women barely reached her shoulders. They appeared stamped from the same mold, and their waists were as narrow as one of her legs.
Nathan was speaking to a shop assistant; they were observing her. The assistant came up to her with a measuring tape around her neck.
“She’s wondering about your size.”
“Why? Nothing here I want.”
Nathan held a dress up to her. It looked made for a pygmy.
“I thought you might want something more elegant when we’re out and about among people. This is still civilization, you know.”
“Just look at that, Nathan, do you really think I can squeeze into that? Can you really believe that? It’s made for a child!”
“Well, maybe not this exact one, but a larger size.”
He turned toward the assistant; she had big, brown eyes.
“Bigger size?” he asked in English.
The assistant smiled crookedly, took the dress, and went away to search.
“Let’s go,” Justine whispered.
“Don’t be such a troublemaker.”
“But Nathan, you don’t get it.”
“The hell I don’t. I want to give you a nice dress, and you’re acting like a stubborn child.”
He began to walk to the counter. Justine followed him. The assistant came. She looked at Nathan expectantly.
“Well?” he asked.
“Sorry, sir, not bigger size.”
“As if I were an incompetent, stupid child!” Justine burst out once they returned to the street. “She ignored me completely!”
“Huh.”
“She turned to you; she talked to you.”
“She must have noticed how grumpy and unwilling you were.”
Justine put on her sunglasses. She was crying again, and she had a headache.
That evening, her period started. She thought that was the explanation. She told Nathan, forgive me that I was so whiny.”
“I pretty much thought that was the deal. I know women; they have their whiny phases.”
She did not want to be one of those women he knew like that. She crept into the narrow bed. Just wanted him to hug her, nothing more.
He said, “Tomorrow afternoon, I’m going to meet Ben. He’s coming with us on the expedition.”
She took his arm, drew it over her, placed it on her tummy.
“Does it hurt?” he asked.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He kissed her.
“Turn more to the side so I can hold you for a little while.”
During the night, she bled horribly. She stained not only the sheets, but the mattress underneath. She didn’t want the cleaning women to see it. She tried to clean the stains herself, but it didn’t work.
She and Nathan ate breakfast at a restaurant which was next door to the hotel. They ordered juice and coffee with milk and there was a sweet, creamy mess at the bottom, which appeared to be some kind of sweetener. She stirred it suspiciously. Nathan was eating
“You might have noticed that they’re using their right hands. Their left hands are unclean,” Nathan explained.
“What do they do with their left?”
“Figure that one out for yourself.”
Justine’s stomach hurt, it cramped like tiny, digging nails. That’s the way it always was, the first few days of her period. No pain medication in the world could help.
“Maybe you should just stay at the hotel,” suggested Nathan. “You look a little ill.”
She thought about the cleaning women.
“I’d rather die. Take me with you.”
They took a taxi through the city. Nathan pointed out a few sights for her: the National Mosque, with its sun feather column and its minaret, which was over seventy meters high. For fun, he used a tour guide’s voice.
“And here to the right, you will soon be able to see the famous twin towers…”
He was acting like an eager boy.
“I love you,” she said loudly. “Oh, Nathan, put me in your shirt pocket and take me with you wherever you go, and never ever take me out!”
The man called Ben was waiting for them in a room with air-conditioning. There was tea and juice on a table. Justine felt a spontaneous confidence in him. He was relaxed and had nothing of calculation or malevolence about him.
“So you’re going out in the jungle to frolic with tigers and elephants,” he joked, while handing her a glass of