was an old Opel Rekord, and she always felt nervous using it, as it wasn’t very dependable.
She drove the wrong way at Slussen, and drove in circles for a while until she found the exit for Nacka. She had drawn herself a map, using large ink lines, and thanks to that, she finally was able to arrive at the right place.
The villa appeared well taken care of, and pleasant, just like all the other houses in the area. She parked outside the gate and rang the bell. After a minute, a man came and answered, she had spoken to a woman on the phone. The man was her own age; his face was terse and reserved.
He knew at once who she was, and asked her to come on in. Inside the house was complete chaos. There were halfpacked cardboard boxes placed throughout the hallway, a little farther in she could see the living room floor. It was covered with books, as if someone in a fit of rage had torn out everything in the bookcases. From the kitchen came the smell of something burning.
The bird was also in the kitchen, in a tall, ornate cage. It was dozing, ignored her totally.
“Is that him?” she asked. “For some reason, I thought he was a parrot.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Maybe because parrots are more common pets.”
“I guess. So you’re not interested any more?”
“No, no. It doesn’t matter what kind of bird he is.”
The man took a glass coffee carafe off the stove.
“Dammit, I forgot all about this.”
“Oh…”
He gave her a crooked smile.
“It’s been kind of crazy around here.”
She should say something, ask about the creature’s habits and what kind of food he ate. She couldn’t get the words out. There was something about the bird’s ruffled, black gray appearance that made her feel like crying. As if she were hunched inside that cage, left for others to take on.
The man cleared his throat and pulled out a cardboard box.
“We’re breaking up,” he said.
“Yes… I understand.”
“Yep, that’s it. After so many years together, one day comes where you’re no longer a family. You’ve taken it all for granted! Hey! Don’t take anything for granted, OK?”
“I don’t take things for granted.”
“Well, many people do. Like me, for example. I’ve done it… up to now.”
She didn’t know what to say. The man was silent for a while, and then he said.
“OK. Here’s the bird. He has lived with us for many years… he was part of our family. My wife found him out in the garden when he was young. He’d probably fallen from his nest. A cat had gotten him, a cat that wanted a toy. Know what I did with that cat? I shot him.”
“You shot him?”
“With an air gun. It died on the spot.”
“Is that allowed?”
“Fuck that. It’s my garden and I can do whatever I want in my own garden.”
“And the bird?”
“We took care of him and raised him. Well, like I said, now we’re heading off in different directions, my dear wife and me. And the bird needs a home.”
“He looks a little… scraggly. Is he healthy?”
“You know, he feels more than we think. He’s listened to our discussions for months. He’s sad; he knows it’s time to go. He’s always loved my wife. She couldn’t bear to be here when you came.”
“Do you think he’ll be all right living with me?”
“I think so. He wants to be with whoever will have him. He knows that by instinct, and he won’t be too distant from those people.”
They stood next to each other and watched the bird. The man swallowed, traced his finger on one of the bars.
“Some birds live as pairs. They are faithful to each other until death!” he burst out, and saliva drops shone on his chin. “The macaws in Brazil, they’re faithful to the death!”
She nodded carefully.
“All right, if you want him, take him. Take him at once. I can’t deal with this. And I have to… keep packing.”
“How much do you want for him?”
“Just take him, he’s yours.”
“But the ad…”
“Take him! Fuck the ad! I don’t want a thing, not even for the cage!”
“I don’t think I can take the cage.”
“No cage?”
“It won’t fit in my car.”
He took a step to the window, looked out. When he turned back to her, his eyes were red. He took a deep breath, got ready.
“Well, I’ll have to throw it out, then, or try and sell it. No, the hell with it, I’m not going to deal with any more damn ads. And we have to clip his wings, or he can be taken by impulse and fly away, and he won’t last a minute with those magpies out there; they’ll hack him to pieces.”
Justine cried out softly.
“No… we can’t.”
She took off her scarf. It was long and thin, and she had wrapped it a few times around her neck.
“Don’t cut his wings. Let me try this… instead.”
She twisted the cage door open, and slowly, stiffly, stuck in her arm. She was a bit afraid, the man was making her nervous; she’d rather be alone. The bird opened his beak, which was black and somewhat bent. He gave out a small sound. “Come,” she whispered. “Climb up on my arm and sit down.” The man moved behind her.
“You’re familiar with animals, right?”
“Yes,” she mumbled, which was more or less true.
The bird took a hesitant step toward her and then sat at once on her hand. He was heavy and warm. She drew her arm back to herself. The bird kept sitting.
She placed him on the kitchen table and slowly wrapped the scarf around him. He made no attempt to escape.
She took him into her arms like a child.
“Soooo,” the man whispered. “Sooooo…”
He was almost singing with a one-toned voice, he then turned his lips to the ceiling and gave a sound that was almost like a
She went to the door and tried to get her shoes on.
“I’ll help you!” The man fell to his knees in front of her, pressed her feet into her shoes and tied the shoelaces with strong, double knots. He was silent now. He opened the door and followed her out. While she was getting in the car, he bent over the bird and kissed him loudly on the beak. Then he turned toward her, with a feeling of dismay.
“He usually strikes back when I do that. It usually works.”
“Uh-huh.”
Justine laid the bird down on the front seat. He looked like he was sleeping.
“Look, it’s like a head of cabbage,” said the man, and she noticed that he stopped using “he” and said “it.”
While she started the engine, he left his hand on the open car window. It was a narrow and somewhat childlike hand.
“Well, gotta go,” she said, and shifted to first. The man’s knuckles turned white.
“OK then,” came from somewhere above her.
When the car started to move, he let go and made a gesture as if he were waving her back. It wasn’t until she
