'I am sorry you've had to face so much,' I said.
'One must hurt to learn,' Lady Breckenridge answered with a stoicism I knew she did not feel. 'I have my little lad. I in no way regret that. And I trounced you at billiards. I in no way regret that, either.'
'I paid up that five pounds,' I reminded her with mock severity.
She remained silent, studying me, her eyes a mystery. 'What do you in no way regret?'
'Losing to you at billiards,' I said.
'Not a fair answer. You knew I wanted you to say that.'
'Perhaps.' I leaned down and kissed the dark line of her hair, breathing in her scent. 'I in no way regret falling in love with you.'
She looked at me, startled. 'In love?'
'The feeling came unlooked for, but I have grown to cherish it. I love you, Donata.'
Her answer came without words, and it satisfied me very much.
Brilliant sunlight and the sound of curtains drawing back woke me. I pried open my eyes. Donata lay in a nest of linens beside me, sleeping the deep sleep of a late riser. Bartholomew hovered in the room at a respectful distance, holding a tray heaped with dishes.
'Good morning, sir. I brought breakfast for yourself and her ladyship, along with your morning correspondence.'
I brushed hair out of my eyes and sat up carefully so as not to disturb Lady Breckenridge. 'Thank you, Bartholomew. It was good of you.'
Bartholomew set the tray on the bedside table. The aroma of sausage wafted to me, and my stomach rumbled.
'And Miss Simmons has come to see you.'
I half groaned, torn between relief that Marianne was all right and annoyance that she had chosen to call just now. 'Marianne on an empty stomach is not to be borne. Tell her to come back later if it has nothing to do with the search.'
Bartholomew hesitated. 'The thing is, sir, she arrived in London early this morning and went to the Clarges Street house. The servants there were instructed to deny her admittance, and she is most distressed.'
Bloody hell. 'Yes, she would be. Very well, hand me my dressing gown, I'll see her.'
I looked regretfully at the beckoning sausages, took a quick sip of the coffee that steamed in its cup, then climbed from the bed. Bartholomew helped me don my dressing gown, then I went out to explain things to Marianne. Through it all, Donata never woke.
Chapter Fifteen
Marianne wore a chocolate brown traveling gown with a red sash, and her brown-and-green plaid shawl matched the trim on the bonnet she dangled from its cherry-red ribbons. She was well turned out and looked quite smart, the ensemble complementing her childlike looks and golden curls.
Her face, however, was white and strained, her eyes red with weeping. 'Lacey, what in God's name happened?' She threw the bonnet to the floor as I emerged from my bedchamber and closed the door behind me. 'I went to Clarges Street and that pious maid Alicia refused me the door. When I argued with her, she said it was his orders, and then Dickon pressed forward, sweet as you please, and said I had to leave. They would not tell me why. They would not let me in even to get my things. Damnation, what has happened?'
Skirts swirling, Marianna fell into the wing chair, where she sat with arms folded like a petulant child.
'I told him about David,' I said.
Marianne grabbed the chair's arms and sat up straight. 'You did, did you? Well, I suppose I told you to. You were to have sent word to me, so that I could stay with David if he cut up rough.'
'There was not time to send word, had I even known you'd gone. I told him the entire tale late afternoon yesterday.'
'I expect that he was disgusted, knowing his money went to the by-blow of another man, never mind that man's dead and gone seven years now. Catch me taking your advice again, Lacey. You lost me a soft billet.'
Marianne spoke offhandedly, but her fingers whitened where they gripped the chair.
'He was not angry because of David,' I said. 'He was all sympathy and even said he'd keep the money going to the boy. No, he was incensed because we had not trusted him about it.'
She looked startled. 'What do you mean?'
'We believed he'd either refuse to have anything to do with David or that he would take complete control of David's life. Grenville decided to do neither. But the fact that we did not trust him to be goodhearted upset him a great deal.' I paused. 'He is a man slow to anger, but we have managed it between us.'
'He is angry at you as well?'
'He asked me to explain that he would continue your allowance so that you could care for David but requested that he never see you again. Or me.'
'You? Why?'
'Because I doubted him, just as you did. Because Grenville has unbent a great deal for both of us, and we repay him by suspecting everything he does. You and I are cautious by nature, but with Grenville, we went too far. He was trying to do good by us, and we threw it back in his face.'
Marianne's throat worked. 'I have ruined your friendship as well?'
' I ruined it.' I touched my chest in my worn dressing gown. 'With my pride. Hence all the pithy warnings about pride going before a fall.' It hurt, that loss of friendship, and I'd feel the emptiness when I had more time to think about it.
Marianne turned her head and stared at the cold fireplace. 'It does not matter. I was ready to give him the push, at any rate. So dull living in his house and being paraded about only when he likes.'
'Stop,' I said.
She jerked her head up, her eyes bright with tears. 'It is true.'
'No, it is not.' I spread my hands. 'I plan to pen him a letter of abject apology, and I believe you should as well. If we throw ourselves at his feet, he might condescend to acknowledge us again. Or he might tell us to go to the devil. But I believe it worth a try.'
'Throw myself at his feet?' She gave me a look of disbelief.
'Whyever not? What have you to lose that you have not already lost?'
Marianne tried to hold on to her bravado, and then, for the first time since I'd known her, she let her mask fall away. Even seeing Marianne with David hadn't revealed what she showed me now. I saw a woman desperately lonely and frightened of her coming life, a woman who had finally found one straw to cling to, and now saw that straw being ripped from her grasp.
Marianne cared for Grenville-I had known that before, but I had not realized how much. Tears spilled from her eyes, not tears of self-pity. She pressed the heels of her hands to her face and let the tears flow. 'God help me, Lacey, what have I done?'
I drew a handkerchief from my dressing gown. Crouching before her, I dabbed at the tears that smeared her face. 'You fell in love and did not know what to do.'
'Fell in love,' Marianne repeated bitterly. 'What kind of idiot am I?'
'He cares for you as well. I know he does. Go to him and grovel-on your knees if you have to. Tell him what you feel for him.'
She gave a short laugh. 'So he can kick me and have his footmen drag me from the house? I am already in pain enough, thank you very much.'
'You must trust him. He might not take you back, or me either, but we have to tell him what he means to us. For me, he means a loyal friendship, better than I ever thought I'd find. For you, a man who can make you happy.'
