Trailer Park Noir

Anna leaned out the door of the trailer and said, “Kendra? Breakfast is ready.”

“Okay,” Kendra said, coming from the front end of the trailer holding a ball.

Anna noticed what she was wearing and said, “Hey, if you want to wear that shirt, you’ll wear it buttoned up, understand me?”

“But it’s cooler this way.”

“Then put on a cooler shirt you can button up. You’re not going around like that, Kendra.”

Anna stepped back as Kendra came up the steps and entered the trailer.

“You don’t think it looks good?” Kendra said.

“That’s not the point. I don’t want you walking around dressed like that, and I think you know why. Don’t you?”

“But what about when we go to Brandy Creek and I swim in the lake? I’m wearing a lot less then.”

“Well, that’s different. We’re not at Brandy Creek right now. Sit down, now, I’ve got pancakes.”

“Oh, goody!”

Kendra went to the small table in the kitchen and sat down.

Anna put a plate of pancakes and some banana slices in front of Kendra. There was already margarine and syrup on the table.

Anna’s parents had been crazy people. They had been abusive and unloving. But they had given her something she had always appreciated – they had seen to it that the family had always eaten their meals together at the dining room table. Well, they had eaten breakfast and dinner there, anyway. In the morning, they’d gathered at the table and, when the yelling subsided, they talked about the day ahead, and their plans for it. At dinner, they’d talked about the day that had passed and what had become of their morning plans. It was a good memory she had of growing up – one of the few – and she wanted to pass it onto Kendra. It would be nice if Kendra could pass it onto her children. But that wasn’t going to happen.

“Mommy, when are you going to let me stay here by myself when you go out?” Kendra asked.

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I’m old enough. I’m sixteen.”

“I know, sweetheart, but we’ve talked about this. You’re sixteen, but… you’re not like other sixteen-year- olds.”

The heavy aroma of buttermilk pancakes and coffee filled the trailer. There was a radio on the kitchen counter and Anna had it tuned to a soft rock station. She didn’t believe in having the television on during mealtime, but music was nice. Anna wore a pink T-shirt and blue shorts, feet bare.

“But I’m old enough to take care of myself while you’re gone,” Kendra said. “I promise I won’t even leave the trailer. I can even feed myself. You’ve seen me. I can make cereal and sandwiches – I can even cook eggs and bacon, you’ve seen me, and I can make a grilled cheese sandwich, too. And soup, I can make soup. I’d be fine if you weren’t here.”

Anna sighed. It was a discussion that came up frequently. Kendra wanted some independence, some control over her own life. She wanted to prove that she could take care of herself, if only for a little while.

“Okay, look,” Anna said. “We’ll see. Okay? Maybe it would be okay to leave you here for a little while sometime. But that’s not a definitive yes. We’ll see.”

“But that’s what you always say,” Kendra said. She sounded frustrated.

“Your breakfast is getting cold,” Anna said as she sat down with her own breakfast.

Kendra chewed a mouthful of pancake, gulped it down, then said, “You always say ‘we’ll see, we’ll see,’ – so when, Mommy? When do we get to see?”

Anna sighed as she poured syrup over her pancakes. How could she argue with that? Kendra was right. She said “we’ll see” a lot – Kendra had every right to be sick of hearing it. Anna had never heard that when she was a girl. Her parents were more the “shut up,” “go to your room,” and “You want me to hit you again?” type and had none of the gentility or basic good nature of a “we’ll see.” At least Kendra would never hear any of those things. If “we’ll see” was the worst thing Anna ever said to Kendra, she was doing okay.

“I’ll tell you what,” Anna said. “Next time the temp agency calls on me, I’ll seriously consider it. Okay?”

Kendra beamed. Her eyes grew wide, as did her smile.

“Thank you, Mommy!” Kendra said, her voice breathy. It was an important victory for her, and it took her a moment to absorb it. During that moment, her face held a childlike glow that almost concealed her true age. Almost. There was no concealing those breasts, those legs.

Anna noticed men staring when they went to the Safeway for groceries – not boys Kendra’s age, but middle- aged men with wives and kids. Oh, sure, other teenagers noticed her, too, but that was natural. But mostly, Anna noticed the grown men. Something came up in their eyes as they looked at her. Like some creature rising up out of the deep shadows of a moonlit forest, this thing rose up in their eyes and first widened, then narrowed them. Sometimes the men licked their lips without seeming to realize it. Maybe the jaw jutted a bit, or the chest puffed up and the gut sucked in as a deep breath was inhaled. While their heads usually remained facing front, their eyes – their darkened eyes with that new thing in them – followed Kendra. Sometimes the men were bold in watching her pass, as if they didn’t give a damn if their wives saw them do it. They all reacted a little differently – but they all had the same look on their faces, in their eyes. They were hungry animals, hungry for her daughter’s flesh. That darkness that rose up in their eyes was the malignant onyx- flash of lust. Their eyes dwelled on her breasts, her ass, her legs. Some hungered for her individual parts, others for her whole body.

Anna remembered a time when men looked at her that way, and she’d liked it. If Kendra were a normal sixteen-year-old girl, she wouldn’t be so concerned. But she was a little girl with a big handicap – that face, that body. Those parts.

Anna could almost hear the camera-click of their minds snapping pictures of Kendra, of those parts, taking mental pictures that could be pored over in their minds later.

That was why she was so wary of leaving Kendra home alone. She was so vulnerable. There were some shady people living in the Riverside Mobile Home Park. Of course, shady as they were, none of those people had ever been any trouble, and there was no reason to think they would be. She was just making excuses, she knew that.

Kendra deserved a little independence.

“Mommy, can I have a little doggy?” Kendra said.

Anna chuckled. “You’re full of demands this morning, aren’t you?”

“Demands?” Kendra said, her eyebrows rising high.

“Nothing. A little doggy?”

“Yeah, like Marc’s.”

They ate as they talked. Sometimes Anna sipped her coffee.

“You should call him Mr. Reznick.”

Kendra shrugged. “He told me to call him Marc.”

“Oh? When?”

“This morning. I was talking to him outside.”

“Oh. Well, if he wants you to call him Marc, then I guess it’s okay. You like his dog, huh?”

“Oh, Conan is such an adorable little doggy! Can’t I have one, please? He’d be able to keep me company when you leave me alone here.”

Kendra laughed. “You’re very ambitious this morning.”

“Ambitious?”

“That means you’re covering a lot of ground. First you want me to leave you here alone, then you want a little dog, and somehow, you manage to successfully tie the two together. Kendra, I think you should go into advertising.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, you’d be a big hit.”

Kendra laughed, even though she wasn’t entirely sure what her mother meant.

Anna finished her breakfast. Her purse hung from the back of her chair. She reached into it and removed her