Missing Joseph

walkway that lay between the back of the public buildings and the overgrown rear gardens of a line of council cottages. Then they were heading down the slope once more. They emerged in less than five minutes into Clitheroe’s car park. It was largely empty of vehicles at this time of day.

“How’d you know about her dog?” Maggie asked.

“I just went with the odds. A lucky break for us.”

“You’re clever. And good. I love you, Nick. You take care of me.”

They stopped in the shelter of the public lavatory. Nick blew on his hands and tucked them underneath his arms. “Going to be cold tonight,” he said. He looked in the direction of the town where smoke feathered up from chimneys, becoming lost against the sky. “You hungry, Mag?”

Maggie read the desire beneath the words. “You c’n go on home.”

“I won’t. Not ’less you—”

“I’m not going.”

“Then neither am I.”

They were at an impasse. The evening wind was starting to blow, and it had an easy time of finding them. It gusted across the car park, unimpeded, and scattered bits of trash about their feet. A Moment’s bag glittered greenly against Maggie’s leg. She used her foot to brush it away, leaving a streak of brown against the navy of her tights.

Nick brought out a handful of coins from his pocket. He counted.

“Two pounds sixty-seven,” he said. “What about you?”

She dropped her eyes, said, “Nothing,” then raised them in a hurry. She tried to make her voice sound proud. “So you don’t have to stay. Go on. I can manage.”

“I already said—”

“If she finds me with you, it’ll go that much worse on us both. Go home.”

“Won’t happen. I’m staying. I said.”

“No. I don’t want to be at fault. I’m already… because of Mr. Sage…” She wiped her face on her coat sleeve. She was tired to the bone and longing for sleep. She wondered about trying the lavatory door. She did so. It was locked. She sighed. “Go on,” she said again. “You know what c’n happen if you don’t.”

Nick joined her in the doorway of the ladies’. It was recessed about six inches so they gained some ground against the cold. “You believe that, Mag?”

She hung her head. She felt the misery of the knowledge lie across her shoulders, heavy and cumbersome, like sacks of sand.

“You think she killed him because he came for you? Because he was your dad?”

“She never talked about my dad. She wouldn’t ever say.”

Nick’s hand touched her head. His fi ngers made an attempt at caressing, but they were thwarted by the snarls in her hair. “I don’t think he was, Mag. Your dad, that is.”

“Sure, because—”

“No. Listen.” He took a step closer. He put his arms round her. He spoke into her hair. “His eyes were brown, Mag. So’s your mum’s.”

“So?”

“So he can’t be your dad, can he? Because of the odds.” She stirred to speak but he continued. “Look, it’s like sheep. My dad explained it. They’re all white, right? Well, sort of white. But every once in a while out pops a black one. Didn’t you ever wonder how? It’s a recessive gene, see? It’s something inherited. The lamb’s mum and dad both had a black gene somewhere inside them, and when they mated out came a black lamb instead of a white one, even though they were white themselves. But the odds are against it happening. Which is why most sheep are white.”

“I don’t—”

“You’re like the black sheep because your eyes are blue. Mag, what d’you think the odds are of two brown- eyed people having a kid with blue eyes?”

“What?”

“Must be a million to one. Maybe more. Maybe a billion to one.”

“You think?”

“I know. The vicar wasn’t your dad. And if he wasn’t your dad, then your mum didn’t kill him. And if she didn’t kill him, she won’t be trying to kill anyone else.”

There was a that’s that quality to his voice that urged her to accept his words. Maggie wanted to believe him. It would make everything so much easier to live with if she knew that his theory comprised the truth. She would be able to go home. She would be able to face Mummy. She wouldn’t think about the shape of her nose and her hands — were they like the vicar’s, were they? — nor would she wonder about why he had held her out at arm’s length and studied her so. It would be a relief to know something for certain, even if it didn’t answer her prayers. So she wanted to believe. And she would have believed if Nick’s stomach hadn’t rumbled noisily, if he hadn’t shivered, if she hadn’t seen in her mind’s eye his father’s enormous flock of sheep, drifting like slightly soiled clouds against a green Lancashire hillside sky. She pushed him away.

“What?” he said.

“There’s more’n one black sheep born in a fl ock, Nick Ware.”

“So?”

“So those aren’t any billion to one odds.”

“It isn’t like sheep. Not exactly. We’re people.”

“You want to go home. Go on. Go home. You’re lying to me, and I don’t want to see you.”

“Mag, I’m not. I’m trying to explain.”

“You don’t love me.”

“I do.”

“You just want your tea.”

“I was only saying—”

“And your scones and your jam. Well, go ahead. Get them. I can take care of myself.”

“With no money?”

“I don’t need money. I’ll get a job.”

“Tonight?”

“I’ll do something. See if I won’t. But I’m not going home and I’m not going back to school and you can’t talk about sheep like I was so dim I couldn’t figure it out. Because if two white sheep could have a black one then two brown-eyed people could have me and you know it. Isn’t that right? Well, isn’t that right?”

He drove his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t say it wasn’t possible. I just said the odds—”

“I don’t care about the odds. This isn’t like some horse race. This is me. We’re talking about my mum and dad. And she killed him. You know it. You’re just lording it over me and trying to make me go back.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I said I wouldn’t leave you and I won’t. Okay?” He looked about. He squinted against the cold. He stamped his feet to warm them. “Look, we need something to eat. You wait here.”

“Where’re you going? We don’t have even three pounds. What kind of—”

“We can get some crisps. Some biscuits and stuff. You’re not hungry now but you will be later and we won’t be near any shop by then.”

“We?” She made him look at her. “You don’t have to go,” she said a last time.

“Do you want me?”

“To go?”

“And other stuff.”

“Yes.”

“Do you love me? Trust me?”

She tried to read his face. He was anxious to be off. But perhaps he was only hungry after all. And once they started walking, he would be warm enough. They could even run.