What Came Before He Shot Her

She said to Kendra, “I won’t pretend to be happy that you’ve not returned my calls, Mrs. Osborne. Had you done so, we might not be here now. I need to tell you in all honesty that I see this situation as a partial result of Vanessa’s failure to go to school.”

            This was not the sort of preliminary statement that promised an imminent meeting of the minds. Kendra reacted to it as one might expect of a proud woman: She bristled. Her skin became hot, burning hot, and the sense of it melting right off her bones did not encourage her to reach out to the other woman in a show of common humanity. She said nothing.

            Fabia Bender changed course. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t the proper thing to say. What you heard was my frustration speaking. Let me start again. My aim has always been to help Vanessa, and I’m a believer in education as at least one step in setting a child on the right path.”

            “You think I didn’t try to get her to go to school?” Kendra demanded, and if she sounded offended— which indeed she did—it was owing to what she felt at having failed as a substitute parent to Ness. “I did  try. But nothing worked. I told her over and over how important it was. I delivered her to the school personally once I talked to Mr. Whoever-He-Was, the education officer. And I did what he said. I walked her to the door. I waited till she went inside. I tried to gate her when she played truant. I told her if she didn’t sort herself out, she’d end up just where she’s ended up. But nothing worked. She’s got her own mind and she’s damn well determined to—”

            Fabia held up both hands. It was a story that she’d heard for so many years from so many parents— generally female and generally deserted by an unworthy male—that she could have recited it from beginning to end. Its characters were mothers who pulled at their hair in despair and children whose cries for understanding had gone too long misinterpreted as everything from defiance to depression. The real answer to what plagued their society lay in open communication. But parents, there to assist in their young people’s interpretation of life’s great journey, often had had no one to assist in their own  interpretation of life’s great journey when they were youths. Thus, it became a case of the blind attempting and failing to lead the blind on a path neither of them understood.

            She said, “Again, forgive me, Mrs. Osborne. I’m not here to blame. I’m here to help. May we start again? Please, sit down.”

            “I want to take her—”

            “Home. Yes. I know. No girl her age belongs in a police station. I quite agree. And you will be able to take her home presently. But I’d very much like to talk to you first.”

            The interview room was exactly like the one in which Ness waited with Sergeant Starr. Kendra saw it as a place she wanted to escape, but since she also wanted to escape with Ness, she cooperated with the white woman. She sat in one of the plastic chairs and drove her hands into the pockets of her cardigan.

            “We’re on the same side of the street in this,” Fabia Bender told her when they were both positioned at the table, facing each other. “We both want to sort Vanessa out. When a girl heads in the wrong direction, as she has done, there’s generally a reason. If we can develop a complete understanding of what the reason is, we have a chance of helping her learn to cope. Coping with life is the essential  skill we need to give her. It’s also one that schools, unfortunately, fail to teach. So if parents don’t have it to pass along to their children—and be assured I’m not referring to you at this moment—then chances are the children won’t learn it either.” She took a breath and smiled. She had teeth stained from coffee and nicotine and the bad skin of a lifelong smoker.

Kendra didn’t like the sensation of being lectured. She was able to see that the white woman meant well, but the nature of what Fabia Bender said merely resulted in Kendra’s feeling less than. Feeling less than a white woman—and this, despite being part white herself—was something that guaranteed Kendra’s back going up. Fabia Bender didn’t know the first thing about the chaos and tragedy of Vanessa Campbell’s childhood, and Kendra, offended, wasn’t about to tell her.

She wanted to, though. Not because she believed the information would help but because she could imagine it setting the social worker straight. She wanted to stand over her and drive the story into her brain: being ten years old and waiting for her dad to come fetch her as he always did on Saturdays after her ballet lessons, standing outside and all alone and knowing that what she was never  supposed to do was cross over the A40 to get back to Old Oak Common Lane by herself, becoming frightened when he didn’t turn up and finally hearing the scream of sirens, and crossing over at last because what else was there to do except try to get home. Then coming upon him where he lay, a crowd gathered round and an oozing of blood pooling round his head and Joel kneeling at one side of that pool shouting Dad! Dad! and Toby sitting there with his legs splayed out and his back against the front of the off licence and crying because he didn’t understand at three years old that his father had been shot down in the street in a drug dispute, a drug dispute in which he had had no part. Who was Ness to them: the cops, the crowd, the ambulance driver and his mate, the official who finally showed up to pronounce the obvious over the body?             She was just a screaming little girl in a leotard who couldn’t make herself heard by any of them.

You want to know the cause,  white lady? Kendra wanted to ask her. I can tell you the cause.

            But that was only part of the story. Even Kendra didn’t know the rest.

            Fabia Bender said, “We have to begin by gaining her trust, Mrs. Osborne. One of us has to form a bond with the girl. It’s not going to be easy, but it has to be done.”

            Kendra nodded. What else was there for her to do? “I understand,” she said. “Can I take her home now?”

            “Yes. Of course. In a moment.” Then the social worker settled more firmly into her chair, her body language making it clear that the interview was far from over. She said that she’d managed to gather a bit of information on Vanessa in the weeks since her first phone call to Mrs. Osborne. The officials at East Acton’s Wood Lane School, not to mention the local police in that area, had cooperatively filled in some blanks. Thus Fabia Bender had some history, but she sensed there was more to it than one dead father, an institutionalised mother, two brothers, and an aunt with no children of her own. If Kendra Osborne would be willing to fill in some additional blanks for the social worker . . .

So Kendra realised that Fabia Bender did  have some of the family secrets, but this knowledge did nothing but make her own discomfort worse. Kendra developed a deeper loathing for the woman, especially for her accent. Fabia’s well-modulated tone screamed upper-middle class. Her choice of vocabulary said university graduate. Her ease of manner declared that she’d had a life of privilege. To Kendra, all of this added up to someone who could neither understand what she was dealing with nor begin to negotiate a way through it.

            “Seems like you’ve got the blanks filled in,” Kendra told her shortly.

            “Some, as I’ve said. But what I need to understand more clearly is the source of her anger.”

            Try her gran, Kendra wanted to tell the woman. Try being on the receiving end of Glory Campbell’s lies and desertion. But Glory Campbell and her casual disposal of her three grandkids comprised dirty linen in Kendra’s cupboard, and she did not intend to air her own used knickers in this white woman’s face. So she asked Fabia Bender a logical question: How much more  than a dead father and an institutionalised mother was necessary to the understanding of Ness’s fury? And what did an understanding of her fury have to do with keeping her from ruining her life? Because, Kendra told the social worker, it was becoming damn clear to her that doing some serious life ruining was what Ness Campbell had in mind. She saw her existence as destroyed already, so she’d decided to go along for the ride. To speed things up, as it were. When nothing mattered in the future, nothing mattered at all.

            “You speak like someone who’s been there,” Fabia Bender said kindly. “Is there a Mr. Osborne?”

            “Not any longer,” Kendra told her.

            “Divorced?”

            “That’s right. What does this have to do with Ness’s trouble?”

            “So there is no male in Vanessa’s life? No father figure?”

            “No.” Kendra made no mention of Dix, of the Blade, or of the smell of men that had, for months, clung to her niece like the trail of slime left by a legion of slugs. “Look. I expect you mean well. But I’d like to take her home.”

            “Yes,” Fabia said. “I can see that. Well, there’s only one thing left to discuss, then, and that’s her appearance before the magistrate.”