behind John Ed's bill, push your members to pass it next session.'
'Jesus, Professor,' the speaker said, 'a special bill giving a billionaire the power to condemn folks' land?'
'You want to tell John Ed no?'
The speaker sighed in the face of political reality.
'No.'
'Good.'
'Well, Governor, until you move into the White House,' the speaker said, 'we've got to find some way to balance the budget.'
'We raise taxes, Dicky,' the lieutenant governor said, 'we'll be looking for jobs with those teachers.'
'Then we cut twenty-seven billion from the budget,' the speaker said.
'Damn, Dicky,' Bode said, 'there's no other way to balance the budget?'
'Only one.'
'What's that?'
'Five-dollar-a-gallon gas.'
'What do you mean?'
'When gas spiked to four dollars back in oh-eight, our oil and gas taxes spiked, too, generated an extra five billion for the rainy day fund. I figure five bucks a gallon for a year, maybe two, we could balance the budget without taxes or cuts.'
'You run the numbers on that?' Jim Bob asked.
'Yeah. Five bucks would do it.'
'Like the good old days when oil and gas paid all the bills in Texas,' the lieutenant governor said. He raised his glass again. 'Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.'
He was drunk.
'Goddamnit, Mack, no Goldwater quotes. We're trying to save our fucking state.'
Bode drank his bourbon.
'God, I hate this.'
'What-governing?'
'This economy gets any worse, we'll be shutting the state down. Last one out, turn off the lights.'
He poured another bourbon.
'We've got to keep this quiet until after the election,' Jim Bob said. 'Word gets out we're going to gut the budget, voters will be marching on the Governor's Mansion. Now is no time for the truth.'
'Amen to that,' the lieutenant governor said.
'Sam Houston came to Texas in eighteen-thirty-two because he saw Texas as the land of promise. It was. It is. There is still a place where freedom reigns and government does not-that place is called Texas. My fellow Republicans, welcome to Texas!'
Governor Bode Bonner stood on the dais framed by Texas and U.S. flags and two huge video screens on which his image was displayed for the ten thousand conservatives crammed into the Houston Civic Center. He was giving the opening speech at the Republican political action committee conference, the best opportunity for Republican political candidates to audition for votes and money. Donors, fundraisers, bundlers, PACs, politicians, billionaires, and corporate executives had come to buy and sell political favors. Bode walked off the stage to thunderous applause. Of course, most of the audience were drunk by now.
A political event held in Houston, Texas, meant country-western music and money. Lots of money. And liquor, of course. And cowboy boots and ten-gallon hats. Texans 'playing Texan,' as Edna Ferber called it, twanging and drawling and spitting out 'y'all' and 'howdy' like they were getting paid by the 'y'all' and 'howdy.' Ranger Hank stood to the side of Bode and fit right in wearing his cowboy uniform. Jim Bob leaned into Bode from the other side and whispered, 'Ralph and Nadine,' just before a heavy-set, middle-aged couple arrived. The man stuck his hand out to Bode.
'Howdy, Governor. Good shooting.'
Bode shook his hand and slapped his back.
'Ralph, how you doin,' buddy? And Nadine, you're looking as pretty as ever.'
She outweighed Bode by fifty pounds.
'Governor,' Ralph said, 'I sure like what I heard on Fox News last Sunday. You've got my full support.'
Jim Bob pulled out a small notebook and a sharp pen. He looked at Ralph.
'How much?' he said.
'How much what?' Ralph said.
'How much support?'
'Oh, well…'
'We need fifty million, Ralph.'
'Damn, Jim Bob, that's real money.'
'You've got three billion.'
'Well, sure, but…'
'We're forming a Super PAC. We have room for only twenty donors, Ralph. Buy-in is fifty million.'
'And what do I get for my money?'
'What do you want?'
'Hell, I got everything I want.'
'Must be something… a law, a regulation, an environmental waiver …'
Ralph glanced at Nadine then across the room.
'Honey, look, that gal over there, is that one of the Kardashian sisters?'
Nadine's head shot around.
'Where?'
'At the bar.'
'Oh, my gosh. It might be.'
'Better go check it out.'
Nadine scurried off. Ralph turned back.
'I want to have sex with my mistress in the Governor's Mansion, in the same bed Sam Houston slept in.'
'But that's my bed,' Bode said.
'Done,' the Professor said.
He jotted in his notebook.
'I got you down for fifty million, Ralph. I'll get back to you with wiring instructions and a date for your sleepover.'
They all shook hands.
'Thanks, Ralph,' Bode said. 'Have fun.'
'Long as the whiskey holds out,' Ralph said.
He left. Bode watched after Ralph.
'Ralph is so damn ugly, when he was a kid his mama took him everywhere with her so she didn't have to kiss him goodbye. Can you imagine what his mistress looks like?'
He then turned to Jim Bob.
'Make damn sure to burn the sheets.'
A tall, white-haired man arrived next. Paul Saunders, the senior Republican senator from Oklahoma. His breath was ninety proof.
'Senator, good to see you,' Bode said.
'Governor. You've had an interesting couple of weeks. Reckon shooting those Mexicans will be enough to get you into the White House?'
'Maybe.'
'Maybe not. Obama got Osama, but his pop in the polls lasted one news cycle. Even so, that's an expensive journey. We can help you.'
