where the faithful came down front to give their lives over to Jesus, to be born again, it was time for Mandy Morgan to come to Jesus, he had said. Or at least to Bode Bonner. It was time for her to give her life over to him so he could be the next president of the United States of America. It was the seventh day of August when Mandy marched into the Governor's Office where Bode and Jim Bob awaited her arrival, stood in front of the governor's desk, planted her fists in her ever-expanding hips, and announced, 'I'm not aborting our baby.'
Bode jumped out of his chair and came around the desk to her. She stood there breathing a bit fast, never a good sign with a woman and particularly a pregnant woman.
'Whoa, now, honey-no one's talking about abortion.'
'You're not?'
'No, absolutely not. We just wanted to figure out how we're gonna handle this, uh, situation.'
'Situation? You mean our baby?'
'Uh, yeah… that.'
Bode got her settled into a chair then stroked her narrow shoulders like he was calming a skittish colt. Once her breathing had returned to normal, he returned to his chair on the other side of the desk. The morning sun shone through the east-facing floor-length windows and directly on him. If not for the fact that he had sired a child out of wedlock, it would be a nice summer day in Austin, Texas.
'Mandy,' the Professor said, 'you're a smart girl. And you've been in politics for several years now. So you understand the political ramifications for Bode if it were revealed that the leading Republican presidential candidate fathered a love child-'
'A love child? What does that mean?'
As if Jim Bob had accused her unborn child of not being as smart as the other unborn children.
'A child by a woman other than his wife, that's all.' He quickly added, 'A woman he loves.'
'Oh.'
She smiled at Bode. Jim Bob gave Bode a look, as if he were setting her up.
'So, well, uh… here's the thing, Mandy. I… we… think it prudent for everyone involved to, uh, confirm the, uh… situation.'
Mandy Morgan was in fact a smart girl. She stood and again drove her fists into her hips, which from that angle appeared even wider.
'Confirm the situation? You mean prove that Bode's the father? That this baby is our baby? That I didn't fuck around on him?'
Bode had never before heard Mandy say the f-word, not even when they had sex. That was another bad sign with a woman. In their twenty-two years of marriage, the only time Lindsay had ever said the f-word to him was when he vetoed that CHIPS program providing health care for children in Texas, a cause near and dear to her heart. 'Fuck you, Bode Bonner!' she had screamed. Then she had moved out of their bedroom. Mandy now turned to him. On him.
'Bode Bonner-I love you. I've always loved you and I always will love you. Only you. I have been one hundred percent faithful to you-not even a million dollars could make me cheat on you.'
'A million dollars?'
'John Ed offered her a million bucks for sex,' Jim Bob said.
'While we were out hunting?'
Mandy nodded.
'That old son of a bitch.' He looked back at Mandy. 'You didn't take it?'
'No! I would never cheat on you, Bode. You're my man. My only man.'
She placed her hands on her belly; the baby bump was starting to show.
'This is your child. Our child.'
He knew she had been faithful. He knew the child was his. But he also knew that that child stood between him and the White House.
'I know all that, Mandy. But you know that baby will destroy my chances to be president. Since that press conference, my poll numbers have plummeted. And my Twitter followers are down to… what, Jim Bob?'
Jim Bob fiddled with his phone.
'Below Paris Hilton.'
Bode turned his palms up at Mandy.
'Below Paris Hilton.'
She threw her hands up.
'Why? If boys can marry boys and adopt babies and girls can marry girls and get pregnant with sperm from a donor and they can all be celebrated as wonderful families on Good Morning America, why can't we have this baby without being married? Why is their lifestyle okay but not ours?'
'Politics,' the Professor said. 'Gays and lesbians are liberal Democrats, so the liberal media celebrate their lifestyle. Not so much a conservative Republican married to one woman and fathering a child with another one- especially one who looks like you.'
'Mandy,' Bode said, 'you're absolutely right. It's not fair, the media shouldn't have a double standard for liberals and conservatives, it shouldn't matter. But politics isn't about right and wrong, fair or unfair. It's about winning and losing. Politics is played in the real world, and in the real world it matters. It matters to those voters who vote on family values because it's not their family values. Mandy, the reality is, they'll vote for another Republican. I won't make it out of Iowa.'
Mandy's expression softened a bit, so Bode pushed on. It was time to have the talk with his mistress.
'Mandy, you're young, and I'm old.'
'I know.'
'I'm not that old!' He sighed. 'But you're young enough to be my daughter.'
'I know.'
'You want children, I have a child. You're looking forward to your life, I'm looking back on mine. You need a young man, not an old guy. When that child goes to college, I'll be on social security, if it's still around.'
'The child?'
'Social security.'
'Oh.'
'Your best years are ahead of you. Mine are in the past. You're young and beautiful, and I'm old and…'
He waited. Nothing from Mandy, except a few tears, the first good sign that morning.
'… not as handsome as I used to be. Mandy, this isn't the start of my life. This is my last great adventure.'
'Having our baby?'
'Running for president. But if you have that baby, I won't be president. I won't be able to change the world, I won't be able to make the world a better place for Republicans-for their children. I won't be able to save America from the Democrats like God wants me to-'
Whoops. Bode knew he had made a mistake, but before he could repair the damage, the Professor pounced.
' Like God wants you to? What the hell does that mean?'
Jim Bob wanted a 'come to Jesus' meeting, Bode thought, so let's give him one. It was time for Bode Bonner to share his religious epiphany with the world-or at least with the Professor.
'It means that God wants me to be president. It means that He put me on John Ed's ranch that day-'
'God and a Gulfstream.'
Bode ignored his sarcasm. Nonbeliever.
— 'and on that ridge with that rifle at that very moment when Josefina made her escape attempt and-'
The nonbeliever rolled his eyes.
'Oh, for Christ's sake.'
'Exactly. And God gave me the ability to shoot those men and save her life. Because He wants me in the White House.'
'Well, He damn near got you killed at Kerbey's, you think about that?'
'No, He didn't. He saved me that day. Sixty bullets they fired, but not one hit me or Becca. It was a miracle, Jim Bob, a miracle. See, I figure God put up a shield, like some kind of force field-'
