Shotgun Opera

cry long into the night.

The Garden District mansion was the real asylum, dark and eerily quiet except for her mother?s sobs echoing through the cold halls. She was a little girl. It hadn?t been fair. She wanted to run in the park. She wanted to play dress-up and get into Mother?s makeup.

Her mother?s crushing loneliness became her own.

Lizzy pushed the bag of potato chips away, sat in the white room. The quiet was so heavy, it pushed at her from all sides, squeezed her, mashed the air out of her. She recognized what was happening, fell into the breathing exercises she?d learned the first weeks in the institute. She closed her eyes, searched for her safe place.

The sound of the door creaking open jerked her from her reverie. She opened her eyes.

Big Sister walked in, sat in the chair across from her, arms crossed. They didn?t say anything for a few seconds.

Nikki pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her purse. Unfiltered Camels. She slid them across the table to Lizzy. ?I heard you had some trouble getting smokes.?

Lizzy opened the pack, shook one out, and popped it into her mouth. ?Got a light??

?Nope.?

Lizzy sighed, stuck the cigarette behind her ear. ?Am I getting out or not??

?That depends on you, doesn?t it??

?You mean, will I keep my hands to myself and play well with others??

?That?s exactly what I mean.?

Lizzy cocked her head, looked at the ceiling, and bit a thumbnail. There was something going on here. It didn?t seem likely that Big Sister was suddenly lonely for her company. ?What do you want??

?What do you mean??

Lizzy made a don?t jerk me around face. ?I?ve been safely out of the way for eight months. Crazy, pain-in-the-ass Baby Sister under lock and key in the booby hatch. Nobody in the family need get their hands dirty. The polite doctors in the white coats will handle everything. But now here you are. You need me for something.?

?Okay, sure. I need you for something.?

?At least you admit it.?

Nikki said, ?Let me sign you out, and I?ll fill you in on the way home.?

?You just toss me in here to rot, and now I?m supposed to be grateful that you?re going to get me out so I can do some dirty job for you?? Lizzy wanted out. Desperately. But she had some pride too. She didn?t like being shoved around. That?s always how it had been. Shut up and toe the line, Baby Sister. You?re the youngest. Don?t ask questions. Don?t sass back.

Fuck that. Somehow, she was going to get some control over her life again.

Nikki sighed. ?Better in here than in jail, Lizzy.?

?The judge said six months of therapy,? Lizzy said. ?You kept me in here another two months for some extra help.? Lizzy made air quotes around the words extra help with her fingers.

?You killed a man.?

?It was self-defense.?

Nikki nodded. ?Yes. That?s right. I know it was. But you stabbed him twenty-two times. The police thought it excessive.?

?H-he put his hands on me.? Lizzy?s hands balled into fists. Something savage flashed in her eyes. ?He got what he deserved. Filthy little??

?You were running away from home,? Nikki reminded her. ?You were running away and down a dark alley, then suddenly this man is dead at your feet with a knife sticking out of him.?