I jumped down the three steps and landed next to a dead Mexican in a red shirt, the one who’d kicked me in the ribs, I think. Good.
I ran. Lights came on in some of the other mobile homes, dogs barking insanity. Halfway to the Nova, I turned, looked back at the trailer. A face appeared in the back door. I paused and squeezed off two shots, and the face ducked back inside.
By the time I reached the Nova I saw the Mustang parked right behind me. I shot one of the front tires and the boy jumped in my arms. He was gulping air now, big sobs wracking his whole body. I would never forgive myself. No matter what happened from now forward, I had failed. No child should ever have to go through this.
I got into the Nova and cranked the engine, fishtailed a U-turn and squealed the tires putting the trailer behind me. More gun shots but growing distant. I remembered Doris had TJ’s car seat in her car.
Fuckingbitchfuckingbitchfuckingbitchfuckingbitch…
“D-daddy.” He was reaching for me, eyes so blurred with tears he couldn’t see.
I pulled him into my lap, kissed the top of his head. “You’re going to be okay, buddy. It’s going to be okay.” He rested his head against my chest, still crying but more evenly, not so panicked and out of control.
I uttered some kind of brief prayer. I wasn’t sure about my relationship with God. I was in eighth grade the last time I went to the Methodist Church with my mother. But now seemed like a good time to take it up again. I asked for help. I made promises. I hoped He was listening.
I left the trailer park, drove straight and fast toward town and didn’t see anything in the rearview mirror.
CHAPTER NINE
I parked in front of Molly’s house, behind her dad’s Peterbilt.
I rocked the boy in my arms until he quieted down some. I didn’t like what I was about to do. This wasn’t really Molly’s thing, but I trusted her to be a good person when all was said and done. And I didn’t exactly have a whole lot of choices.
I climbed her front steps, the boy on one hip, and knocked. It took a while, and I knocked again. Molly wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight. I worried briefly that Roy might’ve snuck home after I left. I’d shoot him. Swear to God, I would shoot him.
But Roy wasn’t home. The door swung open, and Molly stood there in panties and a t-shirt. She rubbed her eyes. “I need help, Molly.” “What?”
I pushed in past her.
She closed the door. “Is that Toby Junior?”
She’d never seen the boy. They’d both been in my life so thick, it hadn’t occurred to me how separate they were. Of course she’d never seen him. “Yes. He’s had a scare.”
She looked me over. “What happened to you?”
“I’m in a lot of trouble, Molly.”
“Tell me.”
“I killed Billy Banks.” She’d hear about it soon enough anyway.
She gasped, her hand going to her mouth.
“It was self defense,” I said too quickly.
“Why?”
“I think Billy was smuggling illegals. Or working with some Mexicans. I don’t know. You remember that news story a few years ago, the truck with all those dead illegal aliens in the back? Earlier tonight I found a truck just like that, padlock on the back to keep them inside. Parked in the firehouse.”
“No fucking way. They were dead?”
“No, not dead. Live ones.”
“Why here?”
“Beats me. You got any milk?” “I think so.”
“Can you warm it up and bring me a cup?” I sat on her couch, held the boy. He wouldn’t let go of me, kept shivering.
“I’ll put it in the microwave.”
“No, you’re not supposed to do that. Can you heat it in a pan?”
“Give me a minute.” She went to the kitchen.
I rocked the boy in my arms, something overwhelmed him, shock or exhaustion maybe because I watched his eyelids sink down. His cheeks were tear-smeared. In a moment he breathed steadily, back to sleep. I could not imagine holding my head up among decent people if I let anything happen to him. I was supposed to be a dad.
I settled him down on the couch, made a ring of cushions around him, then went into the kitchen. Molly had four different size pans on the counter, her head stuck in the refrigerator.
“We don’t have any milk,” Molly said. “There’s Mellow Yellow and carrot juice.”
“It’s okay. He’s asleep. But we’ll need milk in the morning.”
“Morning?”
“I need your help, Molly.”
Her eyes went round. “Oh, no. I don’t know anything about kids.”
“I have to go back out there. I can’t take the boy. He has to be someplace safe, okay? I trust you.”
“Come on, Toby. There’s got to be some old lady you know who can do it. I’ve never even been a baby sitter.”
“Molly, look at me. There’s serious shit going on.”
“I can’t. I’ve never even changed a diaper.”
I put a hand on each of her shoulders. “Molly, I’m begging you. Look at me. Please. I’m begging you.”
“Okay, okay. Crap. I don’t know what he eats or anything.”
She was right. I’d fled the trailer without the diaper bag. No wipes or diapers or ass cream. Nothing. It wasn’t like dropping off a stray kitten. The boy needed things.
“I’ll make a run to the store. I’ll get diapers. I need you to do this.”
“I’ll do it, but what if he gets sick or—”
“He’ll just sleep. It’ll be fine.”
She sighed.
I took her into my arms, felt relieved when she hugged me back. Her head tilted up and I bent to kiss her, felt her tongue slip into my mouth, one of her warm hands on my neck. We let it go on like that for a while. I didn’t want to leave, but knew I had to. I slipped out of her arms, stepped away.
“I’ll be back with diapers and milk. Soon.”
I paused on the way out, touched TJ’s head. I hoped he hadn’t been traumatized. I hoped he’d sleep peaceful and have good dreams and not wake up asking for Mommy. I made silent promises to him.
Outside, I hopped in the Nova, lit a Winston and headed for the Texaco.
CHAPTER TEN
I was halfway down the Six back to the Texaco when fatigue sat on my chest like a five hundred pound gorilla. So tired. The night had rubbed me raw, the adrenaline leaking away, leaving me feeling wrung out. I almost nodded off at the wheel, slapped my own face to keep awake.
