A Convenient Wedding

‘And you think she’s accepted it? Don’t you realise that she has to bring every man to heel? She won’t be satisfied until she’s bought and sold you emotionally as well as financially?’

His face darkened. ‘If you think that could ever happen-my dear, that’s practically an insult.’ He took hold of her arms and gave her a gentle shake. ‘Trust me. I know what I’m about.’

‘Of course.’ She gave him a determined smile. ‘Let invaders tremble.’

‘That’s the spirit. You’ve always been my dear friend, Sarah. I know I can count on you.’

‘Now and always.’

He gave her a fierce, brotherly hug. He wasn’t sufficiently alive to her to sense that she was exasperated with him. Nor did he see Meryl passing the door and swiftly averting her gaze from the sight of them in each other’s arms. Only Sarah noticed that.

Larry reached them two hours later, sweeping in with a face like thunder.

‘I suppose I might have expected it,’ were his first words.

‘I suppose you might,’ Meryl observed mildly. ‘You know me.’

‘I know you’re not going to change now. You said you’d find a fortune-hunter and you’ve found one.’

‘Larry-’ Meryl said in a warning voice.

‘Good evening,’ Jarvis said politely, descending the stairs. ‘We haven’t met before. My name is Jarvis Larne.’

‘So it’s you! Well, you ought to be ashamed, that’s all I have to say. No decent man would have written that letter-’

‘Jarvis didn’t write it,’ Meryl broke in desperately. ‘It was his friend, Ferdy, who meant it as a joke. Jarvis knew nothing about it and tried to throw me out. He hates the idea as much as you do.’

Larry gave a disbelieving sniff. Meryl could hardly bear to look at Jarvis, but to her relief he’d managed a grin. As they went into the library he muttered, ‘When do I ask him for your hand in marriage?’

‘Never, if you want to live. Look, I’m sorry-’

‘Don’t be. I’m rapidly developing a thick skin. I wouldn’t have missed him for worlds.’

In the library Larry was persuaded to sit down and drink some sherry, but he refused an invitation to supper.

‘I have one hour,’ he declared loftily, ‘then I have to leave if I’m to catch my flight.’

‘You can’t come all this way for just one hour,’ Meryl protested.

‘One hour is enough.’ He glared at Jarvis. ‘You, sir, have you no shame?’

‘None at all,’ Jarvis declared more coolly than he felt. Whatever his private feelings, this was between himself and Meryl. Hell would freeze over before he explained himself to Larry Rivers.

‘It doesn’t worry you to take advantage of a helpless woman?’

‘I don’t take advantage of helpless women, but we’re talking about Meryl.’

‘And you think Meryl is calm and clear-headed, able to take care of herself?’ Larry demanded.

‘No, I think she’s harebrained, impulsive, idiotic and needs locking up. But she’s going to do what she wants, and neither you nor I can stop her.’

‘You could stop her!’

‘It’s too late for that,’ Jarvis said calmly. ‘I already owe her money.’

‘What?’

‘Well, I’m marrying her for her money, so it seemed only sensible to get my hands on it before she had time to think. Let’s see-twenty thousand last night-that’s pounds sterling, which at the current exchange rate-’

‘I know what the exchange rate is, thank you,’ Larry bawled.

‘There’s that, and-’ Jarvis glanced at Meryl ‘-whatever you paid for the car.’ To Larry, ‘How did you like my wedding present, outside?’

‘It didn’t take you long to get your snout in the trough,’ Larry said stiffly.

Jarvis shrugged. ‘Start as you mean to go on. I just hope the dowry is worth it. An English title doesn’t come cheap.’

In the deadly silence that followed this remark Larry raised his head to survey Jarvis, and something like respect dawned in his eyes. ‘I’m sure Meryl will tell you what she has in mind,’ he said.

‘I don’t believe in discussing finance with women,’ Jarvis declared, straight-faced.

‘Oi!’ Meryl said, and to her delight Jarvis winked at her.

This was an unexpected side of him, and it made her want to know more. But for now she felt the time had come for her to take charge of the conversation.

‘Larry, if this is your attitude I suppose it’s too much to hope that you’ve started the paperwork. I need to be signing things fairly soon. Otherwise my betrothed might jilt me.’

Jarvis suppressed a grin. Incredibly he was enjoying himself.

Larry glared. ‘Nobody has ever accused me of inefficiency. I have some preliminary papers here.’ He produced them from his bag. ‘I never really thought you’d listen to me. If you’re determined to do this thoroughly stupid thing, at least let’s do it properly. Of course these are just the initial papers. I’ll be back with more for the actual wedding. I take it I am invited?’

‘Of course. You’re giving me away.’

Pleasure and shock warred for supremacy on Larry’s face.

‘Give you away? But that’s for church weddings. A nice, quiet civil ceremony is what you need.’

‘No way!’ Meryl declared. ‘Lord Larne’s people will expect him to marry properly in the castle chapel where his ancestors have always married.’

Larry appeared to have difficulty finding his voice.

‘You seem to have completely taken leave of your senses,’ he managed at last. ‘Next thing you’ll be wanting the full works-white dress, bridesmaids, big reception, morning coats, button-holes, wedding cake-’

‘Certainly,’ Meryl agreed. To Jarvis she added, ‘You couldn’t marry any other way, could you?’

‘No, I couldn’t,’ he agreed, regarding his bride with tolerant cynicism. ‘But Mr Rivers has a point. Do you want to attract the world’s attention?’

‘Don’t start agreeing with me, for pity’s sake!’ Larry begged him. ‘You’ll only make her worse. It wouldn’t surprise me if she wanted that pretty boy to make her bridal gown.’

‘Pretty boy?’ Jarvis queried.

‘Benedict Steen. The one she’s doing this for.’ Hope gleamed. ‘Hasn’t she told you-?’

‘Yes, I have, Larry, so give up. There are no surprises for Jarvis. He knows all about my reasons.’

‘Then he needs his head examined. You need your head examined, and I need my head examined for aiding and abetting you. That’s all I have to say. Let me know the date. I’ll be there and-heaven help me!-I’ll give you away.’

Jarvis ferried him across the water to where a taxi was waiting. For most of the journey Larry sat in offended silence, trying to be dignified despite the bobbing of the boat.

At last Jarvis said quietly, ‘Forget what I said in there. None of this was my idea.’

Larry burst out, ‘You don’t have to tell me that. I recognise her handiwork. I only wish I thought Benedict Steen was worth it. She must be madly in love to go to these lengths for him.’

‘Does she say she is?’ Jarvis asked, concentrating on the boat.

‘Of course not. She gives me some flim-flam about his being married, but that’s just their cover. The marriage is finished and he’s latched onto Meryl.’

‘Is he really good-looking?’ Jarvis asked indifferently.

‘Like a film star. Women swoon over him in flocks, like sheep.’

‘If Meryl was anything like other women we wouldn’t be having this conversation,’ Jarvis pointed out.

Larry shot him a sharp look. ‘You’re not falling in love with her, I hope.’

‘Certainly not!’ Jarvis snapped. ‘I’m a greedy fortune-hunter, marrying her for her money. We’ve settled all that.’

Larry had the grace to blush. ‘I suppose you might be worse,’ he conceded. As they landed, and Jarvis escorted him to the waiting cab, he added, ‘You haven’t the remotest idea what you’ve taken on. I can only say that I’m sorry for you.’