For His Little Girl

odd moments stood out: Josie and Luke investigating the Web site that was deluged with complimentary e-mails following the broadcast; Josie being swept off to Disneyland again by Luke's parents. She'd stayed at home resting that morning, joining Luke at his first restaurant for lunch. He'd dined her royally, given her the grand tour of the kitchens and attended to her comfort and pleasure. But there was a shadow in his manner that hadn't been there before, and her heart sank as she understood. He had accepted her decision and would let her go with only a little regret. It was Josie he would keep in touch with, Josie he would visit and invite to visit him. And that was how she had wanted it.

The other moment that lived in her memory was a late afternoon, when she'd gone out onto the balcony to watch for Luke and Josie, who were out in the water, enjoying a final romp before the day ended. The sun was setting, casting a flood of gold over the sea and the sand, throwing the figures into silhouette. There was Luke, in the water up to his waist. As Pippa watched, he ducked down far enough for Josie to clamber onto his shoulders. Reaching over his head and behind he grasped her by the hips and raised her high, while she stretched out her arms and her legs, as though flying. He began to turn around and around. Josie's head was back, and even from this distance Pippa could see that she was ecstatic.

Then the whole thing collapsed. Luke took a big jump and tossed Josie forward so that she landed in the water at the same time as he crashed back into it himself. For a moment they were drowned in spray. Then they both came up, laughing-no, Pippa amended…giggling. Both of them. A pair of mad things, as her mother used to say.

That's just how a father and daughter ought to be, she thought. A pair of mad things. Happy just to be together. And in the years ahead-

Suddenly she felt as though she'd crashed against a wall made of black ice-the years ahead-which she would probably know nothing about. And with a passionate intensity that was painful, she wished she could be there for them. She wanted to see Luke at his daughter's graduation, proud to bursting. She wanted to see him take her up the aisle on his arm and wipe his eyes as another man led her away.

She wanted the funny things, too: Luke, outside a maternity ward muttering, 'I'm a grandfather. She can't do this to me!' But then being struck dumb at the sight of the little scrap, and perhaps calling it Josie by mistake, because that was when he would really care about the years he'd missed.

It would happen. Whatever the big occasions of

Josie's life, Luke would be there. She had made sure of that. But she might never know. And suddenly the scene blurred. She couldn't see anymore. Turning, she blundered back inside.

Luke and Josie returned to find the house empty. She'd gone for a walk, she told them when she returned. Just a walk, and she was fine. No, honestly. Fine.

The last two days, the last day, the last hours on the beach with Luke and his mom and dad and Zak and Claudia. Nobody wanted to be left out. Pippa couldn't remember when she'd last been so totally surrounded by kindness and affection.

Several times she surprised a puzzled look in Josie's eyes, and once the child said, 'Mommy, are you and Daddy going to get back together?''

'No, darling.'

'But you love each other.'

'We're very fond of each other, but only as friends now.'

'But-'

'Darling, leave it there, please. And don't say anything to Daddy. One day you'll understand.'

And Josie had come as close as she ever had to sulking. 'I hate it when you say that.'

That brief conversation had been more of a strain on Pippa than she wanted to admit. She knew that from now on-whatever happened-she could be sure Luke would insist on being Josie's father. But nothing else had gone according to plan. She'd meant to establish friendly relations with Luke, but not to let herself fall in love with him again. Now she saw how unrealistic that had been. After all this time, she still couldn't be near him without her heart warming to him, and she ought to have known that, she thought ruefully.

She'd come to the brink of falling in love with him again, but only the brink, she assured herself. There was still time to recover, when there was a safe distance between them. But what really troubled her was the fact that she still hadn't told him the real reason she'd come here. She'd always imagined that the chance would present itself and she would seize it.

But somehow the time had never quite been right, and now it was the last day, the last few moments. 'Have we got all your bags, Pippa? What about that one?' Packing the last few things away, a tight fit. A look around the kitchen, imprinting it on her memory. Luke, watching her, half smiling, half baffled, almost the same frown in his eyes as in Josie's.

They went to the airport in procession. Claudia drove the first car, with Luke and Pippa and Zak. His mom, dad and Becky brought up the rear with Josie, all caroling songs at the top of their voices.

'You've got a bit of time,' Dad announced once Pippa had checked in and seen the bags on their way. 'How about a chocolate sundae?'

'Please, Mommy,' Josie begged, seeing caution on her mother's face.

Zak put his hand on her shoulder. 'C'mon, little one.'

Here was her moment alone with Luke, and now she wished she'd never had it. For she'd been through this before, the last few minutes before departure, telling herself to keep a stiff upper lip just a little longer, not to let him suspect that her heart was breaking. That time he'd been the one going away.

'Well,' she said brightly, 'this is it.'

'Yes, I guess it-' Suddenly Luke grasped her arm. 'Gome with me,' he said firmly. 'We have to talk.'

He drew her firmly around a corner so that they were out of sight of the others. 'This is all wrong,' he said. 'I can't let it happen.'

'Luke-what?'

'You can't go. I won't let you. No, listen-' he interrupted her before she could say a word. 'Don't you see, this is what happened before-when I left England? And I shouldn't have gone. I was crazy about you, and I walked away from it, but I shouldn't have. Pippa, didn't you feel that at the time? I can't believe you didn't.'

'I-you-it was your decision to go. You didn't have to.'

'I know. My decision. But it was the wrong one, for both of us. It wouldn't have taken much to make me stay. But you were so matter-of-fact, joking about me flirting with other women on the plane. I couldn't tell what you felt, if anything. We'd been so much to each other, and you waved me off with a laugh.'

She could only stare at him, dumbstruck.

'Pippa, I never told you this, but when I reached the departure lounge I came to a dead halt. My feet wouldn't go any farther. I didn't want to get on that plane.'

'You didn't?'

'It was wrong for me to go then, and it's wrong for you to go now. I won't let you go, Pippa. It's no use arguing. No!' He slapped his forehead. 'No, that's all wrong. I'm making a mess of this.' He was talking very fast. 'I just want you to stay for another week-or two-so that I can persuade you. Yes, that's better. Persuade. That's what I should have said to start with.'

'You're babbling.'

'Am I? Yes, I am. You know why? Because if I stop talking you'll give me an answer and I'm afraid of it. Just another two weeks-or three-''

'But-'

'You can't go like this. It's too soon. Josie doesn't want to go. She wants to stay here and move into Disneyland with Dad. I don't want you to go. Mom and Dad don't want you to go. Pippa, please say you don't want to go.'

'Luke-'

'No, wait a minute, don't rush to answer. Stop and think about it. If you just stay a little longer, three weeks-or maybe four-'

She couldn't speak for happiness. This was what she had dreamed of years ago, Luke begging, pleading with her to stay with him. It had happened at last. But it was all wrong. It had come too late, and now she must tell him what she'd ducked out of telling him before.