‘Maybe Joey knows what he’s talking about.’
‘Well, I’ve fallen into the role Brenda ought to occupy-’
‘That’s not what I meant. You told me to put his needs first, and what he needs is you-as his mother.’
‘But I’m not his mother.’
‘You could be-if we got married.’ He heard her gasp and hurried on, ‘It’s not impossible, is it? We make a perfect family, you-and me-and Joey.’
‘Carson-’ Her head was whirling.
‘If I believed in fate I’d say it was fate that we met. Joey saw it at once; he turned to you the first moment. He needs you, and I-’
‘Yes?’
‘You know that I need you. Who do I turn to when things get tough? The same person as Joey. I don’t think I could manage without you now.’ He made a sound of impatience. ‘Hell! Listen to me, sounding like another child clinging to your skirts.’
‘No, I’d never think that of you,’ she said with a faint smile. ‘And there are worse things in the world than being needed.’
‘Yes, but there’s more than that. I’d be a good husband, Gina, I swear it. I’d do my best to make you happy. You’ve come to mean a great deal to me. I wonder if you know that?’
‘Well, I do have certain memories of the Ghost Train.’
His smile almost stopped her heart. ‘You never said anything. I wondered if you’d even noticed.’
‘Oh, yes, I noticed…’
She was playing for time, waiting for him to say the words she longed for. ‘You’ve come to mean a great deal to me’ wasn’t enough. She loved him so much that the sight of him sitting there, so handsome and vital, watching her with a warm look in his eyes, almost made her throw caution to the winds and accept him now. But a wise instinct stopped her.
‘But when you didn’t say anything,’ she went on, ‘I thought I’d imagined it.’
‘You didn’t, and I don’t think I imagined that you kissed me back. We could make a very good marriage. A lot of couples don’t have nearly as much going for them as we do.’
Except that they love each other, she thought wistfully.
He took her hand in his, caressing the back lightly with his thumb. ‘You really did kiss me back. I felt it. I believe I could please you. Don’t you think we could be happy?’
It could be so blissful that I could die of happiness, she thought. But not for long. Not when the difference between my love and your mild affection began to gape.
When she didn’t answer he let her hand fall.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I guess I got it all wrong.’
She longed to ask him if he only wanted her for Joey’s sake, and because they had so much going for them. But what would be the point of asking, when he’d already as good as told her?
‘You didn’t get it wrong,’ she said at last. ‘But I can’t answer now. Give me until tomorrow.’
‘Of course. You’re right. It’s a big decision, but to me it seems so inevitable that I hoped you might have thought of it too.’
Since he’d held her in his arms she’d thought constantly of marrying him. She’d hoped and dreamed, and now the dream was coming true. And it was all wrong.
They walked back slowly along the edge of the beach, where the sand was firm. Carson held her hand quietly in his. He didn’t speak of marriage again and she thought he meant to let the subject go for a while, but when they came to where they would have to leave the beach he suddenly pulled her into the shadows, and into his arms.
‘Gina…’ he said against her lips, and she heard him less with her ears than with her heart. ‘Kiss me-let me feel you kiss me-’
‘Carson, please-’
‘This is right for us,’ he growled. ‘I know it is. Trust me.’
There was purpose in his lips, almost as though he were arguing with her, telling her how good things could be between them. He was telling her, too, that he was in control, and wasn’t going to let her refuse him what he wanted. It was hard for her to protest when her heart and senses betrayed her to him with every flicker of his tongue.
She should stand up to him, refuse to let him dominate her as he was trying to do. But she wanted to be nowhere but here, doing nothing else but kissing him to distraction. Denying him was denying herself.
She found herself responding passionately, in defiance of her own warnings. She would be sensible soon, but not yet. First she would give herself this lovely moment, perhaps the last she would ever have.
He knew how to make it hard for her, kissing her with such ardour and tenderness that she nearly yielded there and then. ‘Say yes,’ he whispered. ‘Be sensible and say yes, Gina.’
‘Sensible!’ she gasped.
‘It’s what we both want. It can work so well.’ He relaxed his hold, so that he could see her face clearly. Her breasts were rising and falling with the desire he’d inflamed so easily, so efficiently-for Carson Page was always efficient about getting his own way. Perhaps he guessed how close she was to yielding, but he mustn’t be allowed to know any more.
‘If I had my way,’ he said, ‘I’d take you to bed now and make love to you until you were convinced. Won’t you let me do that?’
She fought down the longing to throw herself back into his arms and say, Yes, yes! and shook her head stubbornly. ‘You’re talking about the rest of our lives,’ she said. ‘Not-not-this is just a moment. I won’t decide this way. Let me go, Carson, please.’
With a puzzled frown, he did so. She took a few steps away from him and leaned against a breakwater, keeping her face hidden lest he discover how distraught she was.
Why couldn’t she just give in? she thought despairingly. Why was she cursed with a mind that asked awkward questions when she only wanted to surrender to her heart?
‘I’m sorry, Gina,’ Carson said at last. ‘I didn’t mean to upset-or offend-you.’
She pulled herself together and managed a watery laugh. ‘It’s all right. I’m not offended, but you did rather try to steamroller over me.’
‘I’m afraid I’m like that. It gets results in business, but I guess it’s no way to woo a lady.’
You’re not wooing me, she thought sadly. You’re making a take-over bid for a useful asset. If only…
‘Have I blown my chances?’ he asked. ‘Does this mean the answer’s no?’
‘I didn’t say that-but you said I could have until tomorrow. A deal’s a deal.’
‘Yes. I’m sorry. Let’s walk back to the hotel. Give me your hand. I promise you’re quite safe.’
He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and they walked sedately back to the hotel. He looked into her room for a moment to check on Joey. When he saw the child was soundly asleep he gave her a brief smile, and was gone.
The hours of the night passed slowly, until the first light appeared, and she got up to sit by the window. The man she loved had asked her to marry him, and it should have been her happiest moment. But her heart was heavy.
If only she could silence the memory of Carson saying, ‘Infatuation is a bad basis for marriage. The best one is if people have something in common and are fond of each other-but, even then, not too fond.’
There it was, what he was offering her-marriage at a cautious distance. A sensible arrangement between two people who wouldn’t ask much of each other. Shared interests, some physical pleasure, but no love because he had none to give, except to a little boy. And how long would pleasure survive when she’d looked too often into its hollow heart?
But then, to leave him… Never to see him again because she’d been too proud to take the little that was offered and make the best of it.
Why give up so soon? Surely she could win his love, in time?
His love, perhaps, but not the all-absorbing passion he’d given to Brenda. Could she marry him and avoid destroying them both with the demon of jealousy?
Back and forth her thoughts went until she felt as though they would tear her in two. At last she leaned her
