‘You love me?’ she whispered. ‘And you think-you actually think-that I don’t love you?’
‘It was all for Joey, wasn’t it? And because you want to put right the wrongs of your own childhood. You would have married me for Joey’s sake, and now you’re leaving me for Joey’s sake.’
‘But-’ she searched his face, hardly able to believe what she’d just heard ‘-of course it wasn’t just for Joey’s sake. How could you believe that?’
‘Because you took so long to say you’d marry me. You only agreed when he had that nightmare. I knew what to read into that.’
‘Then you got it wrong. And tonight? What do you read in my being here, in your bed? Why do you think I made love with you, knowing that we’ve got to part?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said sombrely. ‘I’m confused. You came to me like a woman who loved me, and you gave everything. That’s something I’m not used to. It’s overwhelming. I know what I want to believe, but-’ he searched her face with desperate anxiety ‘-I’m in your hands.’
Her mind was whirling. She could hardly take this in.
‘I love you, Carson,’ she said passionately. ‘If you only knew how much I love you! But I thought she was still between us, that she’d left you empty and unable to love. I thought you wanted a mother for Joey and there was nothing in your heart for me but a little affection.’
‘A little affection? My darling, if I could only tell you- Gina? What is it?’
She was rocking back and forth, her arms clasped about herself, laughing and crying together.
‘What is it?’ he asked again, alarmed by the wild note in her voice.
‘I don’t believe this,’ she wept. ‘How can we have found out now, when it’s too late?’
With a groan he pulled her against him, burying his face in her hair.
‘It mustn’t be too late. You’re my love, my only love. After this there can’t ever be anyone else for me.’
‘Truly?’ she whispered, joyful in the midst of her anguish.
‘With all the truth of my heart, I swear it.’
‘But those things you said about what we had in common-you practically told me once that you only wanted a sensible marriage-’
‘Maybe I thought I meant it, but I know better now. If we were just being sensible, my heart wouldn’t be breaking at the thought of losing you.
‘But we can,’ she said despairingly. ‘Oh, my dearest, kiss me; kiss me again and again. If it’s all we have-’
‘It mustn’t be. I won’t let you go. Do you hear me?
It would be so easy to yield to his insistence, and the temptation tortured her. It was unfair, she thought rebelliously, that the onus must be on her. But Joey’s face was before her, and she hardened herself to do what must be done.
‘For the moment, at least, you must give me up,’ she said. ‘You can’t send Brenda away. It will break Joey’s heart.’
‘But we both know that her games won’t last. She’ll tire of it-’
‘She’ll go on as long as it’s useful to her. Maybe long enough for Joey to grow older and cope better. Don’t force the truth on him, Carson. He couldn’t stand it.’
‘Isn’t it better for him to accept it now?’
She couldn’t bear any more. Driven to desperation, she faced him with the situation in the bluntest, cruellest terms she knew.
‘All right,’ she said. ‘Maybe he should be told that the mother he thought loved him is using him heartlessly, that his happy dream is over, and he’s actually as rejected and abandoned as he feared. Will you tell him that, my darling? Or shall I?’
He seemed to grow older before her eyes as the inevitability of what she was saying sank in.
‘You’re right,’ he whispered in horror. ‘We can’t do that to him. However much we reason around it, when it comes to the point-we can’t.’
They looked at each other. There was nothing more to say.
Slowly he put his arms about her, drawing her close against him, not making love to her now, but needing to feel her warmth. They lay holding onto each other as the night passed and the first light of dawn crept in.
Gina watched it with bleak eyes. She’d told herself that in marrying Carson she was accepting second best, that the most she could hope for was a sedate, pedestrian love. Now she knew the glorious truth-that it was she and she alone whom he loved. She had his whole heart, his passion, his trust, his soul. She had everything she wanted.
And it was all too late.
As the light grew she asked herself whether it would have been better never to have loved him than to have known this pain. But her heart knew the answer. She’d had her moment of glory, and, however long it must last her, it would be enough to live on.
At last Carson said, ‘I won’t believe that this is the end. Some day we’ll find each other again and, when we do, I won’t have changed.’
‘And nor will I. However far away that is, I’ll still love you, just as I do now. Hold me. Hold me!’
She buried her face against him, her shoulders shaking. And he held her in silence.
Angelica confronted Gina in the kitchen while she was making coffee.
‘Now I know who you are,’ she said belligerently. ‘It was you on the phone that time. I didn’t recognise your voice at first. So you’ve been here ever since, worming your way in.’
‘I was here to help Joey.’
‘Nice try. You took a look around you and thought you’d get your hands on the goodies. I don’t suppose a speech therapist, or whatever you are, earns very much.’
‘I’m a lawyer.’
‘Oh, a lawyer. But you just happen to have spent the last few weeks being a drudge in this place, and you expect me to think you’re not on the make?’
‘You can think what you like,’ Gina said quietly.
‘Oh, I’ll do that. I know your sort. Thought it would be easy to take over another woman’s home and husband. Well, think again, lady. I’m back to stay.’
Gina faced her. ‘As long as you make Joey happy, that’s fine.’
‘Don’t you lecture me about my son,’ Angelica said viciously. ‘I want you out of here, fast.’
‘Don’t worry. I’m going. But I’d like to talk to you about Joey first. There are things you need to know about his development.’
‘Like what? He can hear, can’t he?’
‘In a way, but-’
‘Well, you wouldn’t know it. I can’t understand a word that kid says. As for those signs-’
‘You can learn them. Mr Page did.’ Gina added bleakly, ‘I’m sure he’ll teach you.’
‘But why should I have to learn them? I thought once he had that thing he’d be all right. But he’s just like before. I suppose that’s your doing.’
Gina looked at her sharply. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Oh, come on! That’s how you got your feet under the table, isn’t it? Poor little kid-needs you. You weren’t going to let him be normal too soon, in case Carson wised up.’
Out of sight Gina clenched her hands, angrier than she’d ever been in her life. But she subdued her rage. For Joey’s sake she must make this unpleasant woman face the reality of his condition.
‘I won’t answer that,’ she said when she could speak calmly. ‘But you have to know how things are for him.’
‘All right, all right. Maybe later-’
Angelica’s jaw dropped. Nobody had talked to her like that for years. Taking advantage of her silence, Gina explained about Joey’s implant, and about the time and work it would take before he could speak properly.
Angelica blew out her cheeks. ‘Well, it’s not what I expected, I’ll tell you that.’
