Instant Father

thousand lonely years without her, he would say they were all worth it for this moment, for the unspeakable joy of knowing that he’d won the love of the most perfect woman in the world.

He released her and looked into her face, loving everything he saw and trying to fix the sight in his mind against the lonely days to come. “I love you,” he whispered. “I don’t think I knew what love was until I met you. Norah… Norah…tell me that you love me.”

“I love you now and forever,” she said quietly.

“Oh, God,” he groaned. “Why did this have to happen when it’s too late?”

“Gavin, it doesn’t have to be too late. We can make it right.”

“Nothing will ever be right for Peter as long as I’m around. Don’t you see? I have to leave. It’s the only way to save him. As long as I’m here, he’ll suffer.”

“You can’t know that-”

“Yes, I can, because I remember my own feelings. I’ve hidden them all these years, and now it’s as though I’m feeling them for the first time. But perhaps I’m different from my father in this one thing-that I can see what’s happening and stop it. And I must stop it. I mustn’t let Peter suffer as I did. He’s too fine and sensitive. He’d be even more damaged than I was.”

“But what will you do? You mustn’t go back to your old life, where only property mattered. It’ll suck you in and make you hard again. Don’t do that, Gavin.”

“No, I’m finished with all that. Everything is hazy in my head right now, but one thing is clear. I must assign my half of this house to Peter, so that the sanctuary can be completely safe, then I’ll sell out and manage with what-if anything-is left. And perhaps one day I’ll be able to come back, when Peter’s had time to forgive me and I’ve learned to be the kind of father he needs. It may not be for a long time, but I’ll return one day. In the meantime, I give him to you.”

She looked at him and there was a new light in her face. “You love Peter enough to give him up?” she whispered. “You really love him as much as that?”

“As much as that,” he said.

“Oh, God, I’ve been so wrong about you.”

He managed a smile. “I never thought to hear you say that. Kiss me, my love. Kiss me as if it’s the only kiss we’ll ever have.”

She took his face between her hands and looked into it for a long moment, fixing it in her heart’s memory. She knew he was a man of iron will, and she had a terrible vision of the separation to come. The dread of that empty time ahead was there in her kiss, in the gentleness with which she laid her lips on his, and the soft, caressing movements with which she tried to tell him that she loved him. She could feel his answering love in the way he put his arms about her and drew her close. The man she’d once believed him to be would have been incapable of such tenderness, but she understood him better now, knew that there had always been love and tenderness within him, waiting to be released. Somehow she found the courage to believe that one day they would find each other again. His kiss told her that it was the same with him, and for a long time they clung together in silence, seeking reassurance and strength against the lonely time that faced them.

Gavin breakfasted early and alone, drinking only coffee. When he heard the others coming he went into the study and made two telephone calls, one to William’s convalescent home and the other to Angus Philbeam.

When he was sure he could control his feelings he went to William’s room. The nurse had just finished getting the old man up and settled into his wheelchair. Gavin gave him a nod and the man departed. “About time you came to see me,” William growled. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“We have nothing left to talk about,” Gavin said distantly. “I’m sorry, Father, but I can’t invite you to stay.”

“What do you mean, ‘invite?’ I’m here.”

“But you’ll be leaving as soon as the ambulance arrives for you. I’ve made all the arrangements. The home knows you’re coming back.”

William eyed him with disgust. “I see. Getting rid of me because you don’t want me to see you caving in, eh?”

“You’re leaving because I’m leaving myself. Neither of us belongs here any more.”

“Now what are you talking about? I never could understand the half of what you said.”

“That’s because you never listened. If you’d ever been interested in what I thought, you’d have discovered that I wasn’t just a replica of you. But of course, you didn’t want to know that. You’ve spent thirty years trying to use me to revenge yourself on my mother, for leaving you. And I’ve only just seen it. But it’s over. I got a lesson from my son last night. He’s too secure in his own values to let you trouble him. I wish I could have said the same of myself before now, but until recently I wasn’t given the benefit of knowing Norah Ackroyd.”

He waited to see if William would answer, but for once the spiteful old man was lost for words. Only the mottling of his face betrayed that his son’s words were having any effect.

“I’m putting my half of this house in Peter’s name, and I’m leaving everything in Norah’s care,” Gavin went on. “When I get back to town I’m going to free myself of the weary load of trying to prop up Hunter & Son. I’ve done my best, but my best isn’t good enough and I don’t care any more. I’m going to sell what I have to and pay the debts. You needn’t worry. There’ll be enough left to keep you in comfort, but beyond that I have no further interest in struggling to keep up a front of success when there’s no reality behind it.”

William turned rancorous eyes on him. “Quitter!” he spat. “I might have expected this from her son. You’re a quitter.”

“Yes,” Gavin agreed quietly. “I suppose I am. I’ve quit your world. Now I must try to find my own.”

There was a knock on the door. It was Norah, to tell him Angus had arrived. Gavin went downstairs quickly, leaving Norah and William briefly alone. The old man eyed her with bitter dislike.

“You,” he said. “You did this.”

“No,” she said simply. “You did it.”

Angus had come prepared with the documents transferring ownership of one half of Strand House to Peter, naming Norah as his trustee until the boy was of age. Angus was troubled. “May I ask,” he said delicately, “whether you are taking this course of action because you fear…er…total insolvency?”

“No, I’m not bankrupt,” Gavin said with a half smile. “At least, not financially bankrupt. No, this is for…other reasons.”

By the time he’d finished, the ambulance was at the door and William was already in the hallway, seated in his wheelchair and scowling. “I won’t say goodbye,” he snapped. “A son who could throw his father out on the mercy of the world has nothing to say to me or I to him.”

“You’re not being thrown out on the mercy of the world, Father,” Gavin said patiently. “You’re going back to live in great comfort, in a place where I’ve no doubt you’ve got everyone running around after you.” The nurse’s hastily smothered grin confirmed this estimate. “I’ll come to see you soon,” Gavin added.

“Don’t bother,” William snorted. “I don’t need to see a failure.”

“Yes, I am a failure,” Gavin said quietly. “But not in the way you mean.”

“There’s only one way. You knew that once. But you let them get to you and rot your brains. You’re her son, all right.”

“I hope so,” Gavin said. “I’ve been yours for too long. But I’ve remembered enough to know that my mother would have been at home here. And she’d have loved Norah.”

“I won’t dignify that kind of pap with an answer. You’ve let me down. That’s all I care about.”

Gavin nodded. “It really is all you care about, isn’t it?” he asked. “I’m just glad I saw it before I did any more damage to my son. Goodbye, Father.”

“Get me out of here,” William told his nurse in disgust.

Norah came out to stand by Gavin on the front step and together they watched the ambulance depart. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. I feel as if a load had been lifted from my shoulders. Come with me.” He took her hand and led her indoors to where the papers still lay on the table. “These are my copies,” he said, handing them to her. “Take care of them, and take care of Peter. But I didn’t need to say that. You look after him much better than I can.”

“I still don’t believe that,” she said quickly. “Now that you’ve come to understand so much, you ought to stay. Peter needs you.”