One Summer in Italy…

He nodded, defeated.

‘What about the person at the hospital who did the test?’

‘He thought it was for a case. There were no names. Maybe he guessed, but he can’t know.’

She thought of the terrible strain of enduring his secret alone, letting the world think he was grieving only for his wife’s death, when in truth it was the death of all hope and trust that was devouring him. How could she have missed it? Even in this light it was there, in his face the fact that he was dying inside.

‘I trust you,’ he said, and there was a pleading note in his voice.

‘I’ll never tell,’ she promised at once. ‘For Liza’s sake-and for yours.’

‘Maybe one day Liza will have to know,’ he said. ‘But not until she’s old enough to understand, and cope. That’s why I keep my distance, I’m afraid she’ll detect in my manner that I feel nothing.’

‘I don’t believe you’ve stopped loving her,’ Holly said fiercely. ‘You can’t have. It isn’t possible, not if the love ever meant anything.’

‘And suppose it didn’t?’ he asked bleakly. ‘Suppose it was only my vanity, clinging to the belief that she came from our love, mine and Carol’s? That’s the truth about me, a weak, shallow man, who can only love a child who’s an extension of himself.’

‘But that isn’t the truth about you.’

‘Do you think you know me better than I know myself?’ he asked bitterly.

‘I know you wouldn’t be suffering so much unless there were depths of feelings in you that you’re afraid to admit. You say you feel nothing, I say you feel more than you can bear.’

‘You don’t pull any punches, do you?’ he asked in a ragged voice. ‘All right, tell me what to do. I’m in your hands.’

‘Spend more time with Liza, just doing nothing very much. Let things happen as they will.’

He rubbed his eyes and growled, ‘I suppose you’re talking about-what’s that fashionable phrase? Quality time-’

‘No, forget quality time. What you need now is quantity time. Lots of it.’

‘But-doing what?’

‘Give me patience, somebody!’ she begged. ‘What about that swimming pool in the grounds, the one you’re letting go to rack and ruin? Exercise would be good for her leg. Have the pool cleaned out and refilled, then spend the day there with Liza. Help her swim the length and back. Do it as often as she wants. But above all, be there every time she looks up. It doesn’t matter whether or not you happen to be looking at her. You might even be dozing. But be there.’

‘If you knew how busy I am-’

‘I do know. And so does Liza. That’s why it’ll mean the world to her if you give her a whole day, not just half an hour snatched between other things, but the whole day.’

He gave a wry smile. ‘You argue your case well, avvocato. The judge is convinced, and will obey your orders.’

‘I’m not giving orders.’

He gave her a speaking look.

‘I’m not,’ she said defensively. ‘I’m just telling you what I think will help.’

He gave a faint smile.

‘The difference is hard to tell. But you’re right, I’ll have the pool cleaned and filled. My only condition is that you have to be there to keep a protective eye on us. I’m going to need your help, Holly. I don’t know where this will lead, but I know I can’t get there without you.’

‘In that case, you’re right to take my advice,’ she said, trying to keep the atmosphere light. ‘I hope you go on being wise.’

‘I’m sure you’ll tell me when I’m not,’ he said. Suddenly he drew a sharp breath. ‘Holly-’ He was shaking.

‘I know, I know. It’s all right-honestly,’ she said, speaking hurriedly. ‘I’m going to bed now. I think you should do the same.’

She didn’t feel as though she could stand any more that night.

Work began on the pool the next day. Liza was ecstatic and insisted on being there to watch everything.

Holly took a trip into Rome to buy a swimsuit for Liza, who had grown since she was last able to bathe. She also needed one herself, and lingered for a while, tempted by a bikini. But she resisted and settled for a sedate black one-piece. This was about Liza’s needs, she reminded herself. And nothing else!

But the truth, as she finally admitted to herself, was that she didn’t want to invite comparison with the gorgeous Carol.

The arrangement was made for two days hence. Matteo assured her that he would spend the time making certain that his desk was clear.

‘And no cell phone,’ Holly said.

‘But I…’ He met her eyes. ‘Whatever you say.’

That was their only conversation during that time, as though they had made a mutual pact not to mention the events of the other night. The knowledge was there between them, but they skirted around it as if it were explosive.

Summer was drawing to its close, but it was still hot enough for an enjoyable day. Holly gave Matteo full marks for being ready in good time, showing all the signs of looking forward to a day with his daughter with eager expectation. Looking at him, standing there, smiling, his tan glowing against his white towelling robe, she knew a moment of tenderness towards him. He might be reading from her script but he was doing it with a kind of dogged desperation that touched her.

As they waited for Berta to bring Liza downstairs she jokingly ran through a check-list.

‘Cell phone?’

‘Left in my office.’

‘Landline calls?’

‘Anna has orders to take messages.’

‘Visitors?’

‘I’m not at home.’

‘Reading matter?’

He looked startled. ‘Am I allowed to read?’

‘As long as it’s not legal papers. A cheap thriller is best.’

‘A cheap-?’

‘Yes, I thought you wouldn’t have anything so useful, so I bought you one when I was in Rome.’ She held it up so that he could see the lurid cover and nearly laughed at his outraged expression.

‘I have never in my life-’

‘Then it’s time you did,’ she said ruthlessly. ‘It’ll do you a lot of good. Liza will probably doze off after lunch, and when she wakes up and sees you, you’ve got to be reading some relaxing rubbish. Something you can put down easily.’

‘Why don’t I just not pick it up?’ he asked, looking over the first page with distaste.

‘Do you want to do this properly, or not?’

‘Nothing matters more. All right, show me the way.’

He smiled, but it was a poor effort. For him it wasn’t a joke. He was following her lead because he’d run out of other options.

‘Just be there,’ she muttered.

‘All the time. I promise.’

When Liza appeared, wheeled by Berta, he took her hand. ‘Are you ready?’

Her smile and her vigorous nod of the head showed that she was approaching the peak of bliss. She began to get out of the wheelchair.

‘I think you should stay there,’ Holly said. ‘It’s quite a walk down to the pool, and you’re going to need all your strength for swimming. You don’t want to arrive there with an aching leg, do you?’

‘All right,’ Liza said equably, and seated herself with a glance up at her father, making clear that he was appointed wheelchair attendant for the day.